The Whammy Awards 2013

With the Slammy Awards happening tonight on RAW, Wrestling On Earth has decided to debut our Whammy Awards! Highlighting the worst wrestlers, wrestling moments and wrestling moments of the year, we’re taking you on a ride of events you hope to forget that was the year 2013.

Fear not, fans of non horrible wrestling. The essential Wrestling On Earth awards will come later this month with categories you love such as Wrestler of the Year, Match of the Year and Hair of the Year.

Members of the site @TimWelcomed, @typicalROHfan and @TomBlackett give their picks for each award. Without further ado here are the Whammys.

Worst Feud of the Year

Tim:

Daniel Bryan vs The Authority. It went nowhere. It was convoluted. It was repetitive. It involved way too much Triple H. I quit caring about it so fast. What more do I really need to say about it?

typicalROHfan:

I have to go with Daniel Bryan vs. The Authority. As great as Bryan has been in 2013, this feud was just abysmal. Many had high expectations for it catapulting a new era in WWE. What does the end game look to be? Triple H weekly promos and a Randy Orton vs. John Cena program. Not to mention just about everything involved sucked aside from a few Daniel Bryan vs. The Shield matches.

Tom:

The Aces & Eights saga. Bully Ray has been pretty excellent, but he was already great before it all started, so what did the Aces & Eights stoyrline really do for TNA? It helped Taz become insufferable in a slightly different way on commentary, gave Garrett Bischoff and Wes Brisco the chance to shine in some pretty terrible matches on TV and… that’s about it.

Well, I guess it also showed what happens when you give a bunch of midlife-crisis victims the chance to connect with the kids through the medium of wrestling. “Motorcycles! Terrible tattoos! Leather vests! That’s what the kids are into these days, right? Oh god tell me I’m still relevant.”

Worst Crowd Chant of the Year

Tim:

Fandangoing counts as a chant, right? It was one of those things that got way overblown and shoved down our throats all within a short time for a character that has gone absolutely nowhere.

typicalROHfan:

“We Are Awesome” by the post Wrestlemania RAW crowd. The crowd were among the best but that chant was just too much. Even worse, other (lesser) crowds have started to chant it too.

Tom:

“Make me a sandwich” whenever a woman was in or near the ring from the last ROH Hammerstein show. It was only a couple of guys trying to make it happen but the idea that they’d think it’s a good thing to chant in 2013 is pretty depressing. I think they were also the ones trying to make an awful “you’re so coooooooool” chant happen at the same show, so it’s possible they’re just the worst human beings of all time.

Worst Promotion of the Year

Tim:

TNA/IMPACT Wrestling without a doubt. Aces and Eights, Hulk Hogan, possibly losing AJ Styles… just wow. The list could go on forever. I’m still in awe about how bad this year has been. They have been the most bland promotion I have ever had the displeasure to witness. TNA Wrestling has been the dirt worst this year.

I mean, how bad do you have to be to make me wish for Vince Russo to come back or for me to want the company to go out of business? I usually would never wish that on anyone. Now I am frustrated just thinking about it.

typicalROHfan:

TNA/IMPACT Wrestling. From lackluster matches (I consider their 2 out of their 3 best 2013 matches to be Gail Kim vs. Taryn Terrell) to terrible storylines (Aces and Eights) to horrible press (Zema Ion, Jesse Sorrensen, bleeding money), everything went wrong for TNA. With AJ Styles rumored to be on the way out, 2014 seems just as bleak.

Tom:

Yeah, probably TNA/Impact Wrestling. Honestly, there’s no promotion which really stands out as having had a great 2013, but TNA’s been especially bad. It’s especially frustrating because there were some really great stretches in 2012 where Impact was genuinely my most anticipated show each week, so it’s sad that they’ve regressed so badly in 2013.

Worst PPV/Show of the Year

Tim:

They have mostly all been bad or just forgettable. I’d say mostly any WWE PPV since Summerslam has been really bad in that I can barely remember anything about them besides the abysmal Bryan vs Orton matches and The Shield trying to save most of the shows.

For the sake of this I’m going to have to say Hell In A Cell. The best match of the night, Cody Rhodes and Goldust vs The Shield vs The Usos, was the first match of the night and outside of that the only memorable thing was Heyman putting himself on top of the cell.

typicalROHfan:

The WWE PPV’s have been putrid for the most part. From Triple H’s opening promos to long Curtis Axel matches to convoluted show endings leading to multiple events with refunds, it’s been dark times for PPVs. My pick of those would be Night of Champions. EVERYTHING on this show was abysmal aside from the Bryan vs. Orton match and that ended with the Scott Armstrong fast count. What ever happened with that story getting an explanation?

Tom:

Man, they all kind of melt into one thing after a while. Maybe Survivor Series? Honestly though, I might only be choosing that one because it’s the one that’s freshest in my memory – WWE has had a stretch of underwhelming PPVs since Summerslam.

Worst Celebrity Involvement of the Year

Tim:

TNA’s build up of Tito Ortiz was laughable. It was only to build up a MMA fight… a fight that didn’t happen. The best part was that him and Rampage Jackson didn’t even stay on Impact for over a month. This happened.

typicalROHfan:

There weren’t too many bad celebrity appearances in wrestling this year. I think it has to be Pacman Jones. In fairness, he was working with a local Boys & Girls Club type thing and it was all in good spirit but seeing him in wrestling is always tough. He’s had one of the most sketchy pasts with the educated guesses being he’s a complete slimeball. Also, seeing him bodyslam Daniels and Kaz was quite dumb.

Tom:

I can’t think of much celebrity involvement from 2013, to be honest. Michael Strahan was pretty excruciating though, and his segment with Miz and Titus O’Neill seemed to last for about five hours. The worst thing was how they all raised each other’s hands at the end, like a bunch of seven year olds taking a bow after performing in the school play.

Worst B Shop Window T-Shirt

Tim:

typicalROHfan:

Tom:

I featured this one in my most recent Merch Table, but I feel it’s deserving of continual scorn.

Worst Theme Music

Tim:

Dixie Carter’s theme. It just burns my ears. It’s also called “The Man In Me” so that’s easy to laugh at but also maybe empowering? I don’t know. It’s bad.

typicalROHfan:

Triple H’s B theme by Motorhead. 2013 has reminded me I’ll be forced to hear Motorhead music for the next twenty years unless I quit watching wrestling. Sigh.

Tom:

Stephanie’s theme, because it sounds like 80% of the other Diva themes and I get really confused for a few seconds about why Layla is coming out to confront Big Show.

Worst Dressed (Worst Attire)

Tim:

James Storm. TypicalROHFan will tell you who has the proof.

typicalROHfan:

James Storm. Tom has the proof.

Tom:

James Storm. I have proof. 

Least Likely To Succeed

Tim:

When I saw this category the first thing that popped in my mind was Los Matadores. They don’t even have that first-couple-of-weeks fan base that Brodus Clay, Fandango, and David Otunga had when they first debuted their “zany” gimmicks. This will fade into obscurity and we will all be better off for it. Epico and Primo deserve more and so does the bull.

typicalROHfan:

Los Matadores/Primo and Epico were saddled with an obscenely foolish gimmick. They had good matches and somehow got slightly over with it and what happens? They’re off TV with Xavier Woods + RTruth and Prime Time Players all but replacing them lately. These guys will never get a fair chance.

Tom:

Manik. TJ Perkins is great, but TNA are doing their best to make things impossible for him. The Manik gimmick isn’t a bad one, but by referring to him as both names and showing him with and without the mask, they’re neutering both personas. If we’ve already been shown who Manik is, then why is he still wearing the mask? What’s his motivation for wearing it and why should we care? What’s more, why are we seeing segments like this?

It’s just weird and makes me think that someone on the TNA creative team is a frustrated Spider-man fan who desperately wants to have a go at writing both Peter Parker and Spidey, but doesn’t really know how. Hopefully things won’t be quite so schizophrenic when he returns to TV, assuming that happens!

Most Disgusting Promotional Tactic

Tim:

I’m going to have to go with the whole Jesse Sorenson/TNA Fiasco. There was never any goodwill between TNA and anyone, I don’t think but this was just icing on the ugly cake that is TNA.

typicalROHfan:

CHIKARA. My guy @podjohnnyringo convinced me with his tweet. The surroundings to which CHIKARA ended is among the lowest news in wrestling if accurate and it’s all just been a big ball of annoyances since then with their kidnappings and such. Just return already or stay gone.

Tom:

It’s not really a promotional tactic, but everything involving Jesse Sorensen and TNA was pretty disgusting and revealed how broken and shady the wrestling business still is.

Worst Non-Wrestler

Tim:

Tazz, Tazz, Tazz, Tazz, Tazz, Tazz, Tazz. Raw’s commentary is bad but for one man to be as bad as all three of them is astounding. I wish he would leave.

typicalROHfan:

TIE! Tazz and JBL. I miss the days of Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler or Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and Bobby Heenan. Those were more so great chemistry scenarios and there seems to be no announcer pairings with that these days. Tazz and JBL annoy me more than the others and I couldn’t choose between them so it’s a tie.

Tom:

The Raw Three Man Booth. Jesus Christ but these fuckers have become intolerable. I’ve compared the experience of listening to them as being trapped in a car on a long ride with your three least favourite uncles, and it’s especially true when they just start bickering and amusing themselves during any of the numerous filler matches on Raw.

If you don’t care about your product, that’s fine. It’s not good, but whatever. However, when you make it so completely obvious that you don’t care, then forget it – I’ll just go play videogames rather than listening to you cut terrible chuckles about twerking for the millionth time.

Most Overrated

Tim:

Ryback. There are still a lot of Ryback supporters and initially I could understand the appeal but here we are now and the guy has gotten significantly worse.

typicalROHfan:

Wade Barrett. The guy is predicted to win the Royal Rumble or Money In The Bank every year, gets constant pushes and character changes yet it never works.

Tom:

Randy Orton. My wish for 2014 is that he get sent back to Smackdown so I can get back to mostly ignoring him.

Most Embarrassing Wrestler

Tim:

I know I rag on him constantly but it seriously has to go to The Miz. Every segment he is involved in is cringe-worthy. He thinks he is something else. You can just tell that he is that person. From his facial expressions to the way he moves, this man embarrasses me in ways that I never thought possible.

typicalROHfan:

This was a tough one but it has to be The Miz for me. Here’s a fun shot game for the most hardcore of alcoholics: Listen to a Miz interview and take a shot every time he uses the term “superstars” or “universe.” The Miz represents a corporate puppet and very few things match that level of shame. Quite frankly, The Miz personally makes me embarrassed to be a wrestling fan more than anyone else so he’s my pick.

Tom:

Honestly, it’ll have to be The Miz for me too. From his facial expressions to how he moves and just about everything, it’s like watching a guy who’s only read about how to be a wrestler but has no real clue as to how to put it into practice.

The Joey Image Memorial Award (Worst Wrestler on Twitter)

Tim:

Dolph Ziggler ruined my Dolph Ziggler fandom by tweeting. I would rather him just never have had a Twitter so I didn’t have to know his “humor.” I really have nothing else to say on this matter except “ugh.”

typicalROHfan:

Dolph Ziggler. Ziggler comes off so unlikeable on Twitter. Maybe it’s personal taste but his jokes usually are things I’d expect to hear on a D List laugh track comedy set. Coincidentally, he’s a massive fan of D List laugh track comedy.

Tom:

CM Punk. AW SHIT, LET’S GET CONTROVERSIAL (although I’m sure he’d be delighted to receive this ‘award’). While Punk’s certainly not as bad as the drones who are pushed to use every WWE-sanctioned hashtag in their tweets, the thing is that he’s one of the few guys who can get away with talking about pretty much whatever he wants… and he doesn’t. Or at least not in any meaningful way.

As a comparison, we recently saw Daniel Bryan take to Twitter to talk about Arizona charging for people who’ve installed solar panels – it’s not the biggest issue in the world, but it’s something that matters to him and by tweeting about it, Bryan can probably make some kind of an impact.

Punk used to speak up a little more (like when he called out Chris Brown over being an awful, abusive person), so maybe he’s just jaded and fed up with everything these days since his tweets now are mostly in-jokes, sports observations and complaints about how stupid the people who tweet him are. Which is fine, there’s nothing wrong with any of this – it’s how most people use social media and he’s not obliged to do anything else.

However, he shouldn’t be ‘most people’ – not only does he seem like a smart, interesting guy with opinions but he’s also got an audience that listens to him, so I’d just like to see him live up to his gimmick and say something over Twitter that might make a difference.

Worst Match of the Year

Tim:

John Cena vs The Rock from Wrestlemania 29. Their first encounter wasn’t bad. It wasn’t the greatest but it was definitely watchable. Their second encounter… not so much. I remember sitting there in the crowd audibly groaning at how many finishers were involved. This was the biggest match on the card and these two are capable of so much more.

typicalROHfan:

With this category, I always view it as an expectations vs. reality type criteria. I can’t imagine saying Jenna Morasca vs. Sharmell or Great Khali vs. Heath Slater is the “worst match of the year” due to living up to their expectations. My past selections for this have been Davey Richards vs. Eddie “Eddie Edwards” Edwards from Final Battle 2011 and last year, Brock Lesnar vs. Triple H from Summerslam. This year?

We have a repeat! I’m going with Brock Lesnar vs. Triple H from Wrestlemania 29. Four “Hall of Fame” performers in a gimmick/stipulation match in a Wrestlemania co-main event and it bombs. Look back at that match and you can hear a pin drop among 80,000 fans. Aside from video packages and entrances, just about every facet that pro wrestling should strive to give you failed here.

Tom:

Randy Orton vs. Big Show from Survivor Series. I couldn’t even work up the energy to watch it; I know what Randy Orton matches are like, I know what Big Show matches are like and I know what Randy Orton vs. Big Show matches are like, so I made the informed decision to just forget it. Life’s too short, y’know?

Worst Wrestler of the Year

Tim:

There are so many that could be put here but I am going to have to go with Randy Orton. How many people can’thave a somewhat memorable match with Daniel Bryan? How many people can bore you to tears while being in the position he was in this year? He had everything you need to be interesting but came out of it being typical Randy Orton.

typicalROHfan:

Much like the prior category, I go with expectations as a huge factor into this. Randy Orton is a wrestler who has received many, many, many chances to carry the ball and he’s never been able to hold onto it, whether due to WWE handcuffs or him dropping that proverbial ball. This time, he had full reign. Sure, Triple H and Stephanie were above him as the top heel in this scenario but that should be an asset rather than a detriment. After complaining about wanting a better spot on the show and a top heel character, Orton failed to deliver yet again. Disappointing stories, disappointing failures (rating and buyrate estimate numbers), disappointing matches (How many matches did he have with Daniel “great match guaranteed” Bryan? How many are remembered as “MOTY” candidates?); Randy Orton dropped the ball again.

Tom:

Can I choose Eva Marie? Should she count? It’s just depressing that the WWE’s standard for women’s wrestling is so low that she’s allowed to do anything on TV at all. I can’t think of anyone comparable to her on the men’s main roster – maybe Khali, though even he has a weird freak show presence to him, whereas Eva Marie is just a black hole of charisma and talent. However, because she’s a girl, the attitude seems to be that none of that matters – just put her in an outfit and shove her out there on national TV. It sucks and I don’t like it.