All the world’s a stage and pro wrestlers on Twitter are merely players.
I’ve found that reading certain wrestlers interact on Twitter to be as fascinating as any form of entertainment so we had to put it all together with a ribbon and bow. Not literally. You get NO ribbons or bows. Sorry.
The first wrestler – Hulk Hogan. Arguably the biggest star in wrestling history. Clearly the biggest star in Earth history in his own mind. These are the tweets that make him the Hulk Hogan we all know and “love”.
Act I: Be Cool, Eat Fruit
This all came to fruition (we DO love wordplay) when Scott Steiner was destroying Hulkster and Eric Bischoff on Twitter. Hogan appeared on an ESPN TV spot and uttered the words “be cool and eat fruit” to end the interview, which Scott gleefully made fun of:
This was hilarious but Steiner said so many great things, we didn’t have the time to properly process this quote. Hogan says crazy things constantly, so one would assume it was on his wacky mind at the time and he said it once.
WRONG.
After doing some research, it was discovered that Hulk made a concentrated effort to cement this as his new catchphrase. What follows is proof, as he finds a way to wrench it into countless Twitter conversations.
Exhibit A:
Given the friendly, welcoming attitude Hulk was famous for in the 90s, I can easily buy “don’t speak until spoken through” (or “don’t speak until spoken to”, as everyone else on the planet Earth would say) being his words of advice to the vanilla midg… WCW undercard he shared a locker room with. However, we also see his love of cool cats eating fruit start to rival that.
Exhibit B:
Melissa expresses appreciation that she and her daughter share for reading Hulkamania’s words of wisdom. Hulk reacts by alerting Melissa that he doesn’t know where she lives and he’s going to bed.
I’m no Hardy Boy (the mystery solving duo, not the multi-colored hair ladder jumper offers) but if you tell a person you don’t know where they live, it implies you want to know. We get a slight glimpse into Hulkster’s mackin’ skills. Also, he misspells her name and stops talking to her mid sentence. Typical male gender. Am I right, ladies? Or lady? I’ll settle for one female reader!
Exhibit C:
Hard to spot the context of this one. Since the word HEEL is in his username, I’ll assume Ozzy said something snarky about TNA, Hulk replied and this interaction occurred. At least he admits TNA (HAPPY TNA DAY!!!) is a circus. “Extra on the midget acts” I imagine Eric Bischoff chiming in as Jason Hervey rolls his eyes and misses his Wonder Years.
Exhibit D:
My favorite. Eat somebody’s fruit! I will accept no explanation for this tweet other than Hogan is the king of oral sex slang. It gets a little weirder when you realize he refers to Ernest as “baby.” This is a bigger swerve than when he joined the nWo. At least he’s all for one being themselves.
Act II: Hulk <3 goons
Going from fruit to Joey Image in a blonde wig is the biggest step down in life but we’re willing to do it for you. Joey Image is/was a pervert wrestler on Twitter, made infamous for many negative things (though that’s a whole other Twitter Theater).
Someone made a hilarious parody page of “Khloe Image” (aka Joey in a blonde wig) as Joey’s sister. The page decided to interact with Hulk and Hulk was COMPLETELY into it.
Hulk acknowledges Khloe. Not adding a “g” to “shakin” also shows the young, cutting edge mindset he brings to TNA.
Hulk CONTINUES to chat with Khloe. When asked about Image’s career, Hulk says he sounds familiar. Quite frankly, the richest moment of Joey Image’s career. (Disclaimer: We are 100% certain Hulk Hogan does not know who Joey Image is.)
Next up, Hulk chats up WasimPerviz, Twitter legend. Known for his “pls follow” catch phrase, Wasim hits up wrestlers on Twitter all the time hoping to become BFF. Would his charm work on Thunderlips?
The way this convo came about was just perfect. The Rock gives an inspirational quote to the millions and the millions. Wasim hits him with an original question. An enhancement tweeter answers the question for Hulk. Wasim puts over Hulk. HULK RESPONDS. Not only does he respond but he erases the others from the convo giving Wasim the solo face time.
The best part? Wasim doesn’t ask Hulk how Hulk is, Hulk asks Wasim how Wasim is! Wasimperviz gets put over by Hulk more than 95% of wrestlers who worked with him.
Addressed by name, Wasim gets the scoop on Hulk’s future wrestling. Hulk lets Wasim know that he won’t be able to wrestle due to age, injuries and overall health concerns. RIP Hulk Hogan’s career.
(Hulk would go on to wrestle a match three months later.)
Act III: Be Cool, Eat Fruit Lives
As seen in the prior screenshots, Hulk Hogan doesn’t mind responding to his fans and will throw in a gem of a quote while starting an entire conversation.
Travis pours his heart and soul into a tweet calling Hulk the greatest person EVER (Martin Luther King Jr. and Gandhi can kick rocks, brother) and uses the L word! This is (Rob Lowe) literally the greatest compliment someone can get and… Hulk no sells him.
A simple thanks with the new hidden catch phrase. No flirting, no oral sex encouragement, no “what’s shakin.” A source told us Travis shaved his head, sold his guitar and joined a cult. Sadly, this was not the cult Eric Bischoff and Jason Hervey use to get their shows on television.
I find it hard to believe an 8 year old is the BIGGEST Hulkamaniac but we’ll give Tim Morgan the benefit of the doubt. Hulkster delivers a promo for Austin to “freak out.” The cynical jerk in me hopes Austin has a severe allergy to most fruit and an estranged mother.
I swear to God this was being written the day before Hogan tweeted this. I think this is fate deciding that “be cool, eat fruit” needs to be an immortal catchphrase. See what I did there? Italic font hooray!
The entire convo is great. I understand being grossed out by throwing up but fainting is fair game to Hulkster? That’s actually a more severe action than vomiting. Hulk Hogan – confirmed jerk. Or confirmed confirmed jerk given his established reputation in the wrestling business.
Act IV: Brooke Hogan
IMPACT superstar Brooke Hogan has had some weird times with her dad on Twitter. You may have seen these, considering they’re more popular than the other acts but if you haven’t, you are welcome!
This tweet became very popular in the “Hulk Hogan is a sicko” internet circles. Hulk deleted it shortly after but we saved the proof. I can understand taking the photo and posting it but titling it “Brooke’s legs” was too good to be true. In the worst way possible, of course. Both insulted those creeped out by this using the logic of Hulk being proud of Brooke. Thank God our dads aren’t proud of us!
Which is crazier?
A. Hulk Hogan using WWE 8×10’s to leave messages.
B. Hulk Hogan walking around with WWE 8×10’s in his every day life.
Answer: C. Looking through Brooke Hogan’s Instagram for 15 minutes to find this pic. Not my proudest moment.
Side note – Brooke Hogan may have the record for the most “selfies” taken by one person. Good god.
The greatest screenshot that ever lived. Hulk’s insane RT is the highlight, but the “Recent Images” section is also brilliant. A pic of The Incredible Hulk photoshopped as the not-so incredible Hulk and a photo of some lunatic who has a tattoo of Hulk Hogan’s face on their ass. This photo is the coup de grâce of Hulk Hogan’s Twitter antics.
Happy TNA day and be cool, eat fruit!
