News for the week of September 16, 2013
- Ryback joined Paul Heyman last night at Night of Champions. The idea moving forward is to eventually have The Miz join them as the next ‘Heyman Guy’ to completely ruin any good thoughts you had about Paul Heyman and his associates.
- With Hulk Hogan and Sting winning voting polls on WWE PPV under Triple H‘s watch and the returns to the WWE family by Bruno Sammartino, Ultimate Warrior, Goldberg, Paul Heyman and RVD, there are locker room rumblings of HHH starting a wrestling version of the Illuminati.
- The reality show Total Divas will return with brand new episodes in a month or two. Expect more non-scripted, very real episode plots coming up, such as “Can John Cena attend Shawn Michaels’ Water Buffalo Shooting Club party and Nikki Bella‘s birthday dinner on the same night?” and “Nikki and Brie Bella just can’t understand each other! After a heated argument, a freaky lightning strikes on a random Friday and they switch bodies. Does anyone notice?”
- Vader‘s son Jake Carter was released from NXT. Under his real name as Frankie Stechino, he is accepting independent wrestling bookings as a tag team with Joey The Rat. Email BookUsGriff@aol.com for inquiries.
- Night of Champions was the first show to employ WWE’s new anti-piracy tactic of featuring multiple Curtis Axel matches on every PPV. The thinking is that Axel’s presence will cause anyone watching illegally to assume they’re watching a stream of Smackdown instead and close their browser in disgust.
- Hulk Hogan had another incident involving his boat. While he didn’t burn himself on it this time, the boat’s windshield did shatter while he was riding in it, leaving him bloodied. One of the boat’s closest friends, Dock, informed us that this is intentional revenge by the boat for making boats everywhere embarrassed during Thunder In Paradise’s tenure on TV.
- Dixie Carter received criticism recently for attending a college football game instead of being present for a live Impact taping. Upon watching the episode of Impact in question though, everyone agreed that she probably made the right choice.
- Sources say that TNA management was thrilled to get one over on WWE as Hulk Hogan and Sting were voted the number one WWE Champion and United States Champion respectively live on the Night of Champions PPV. Unfortunately, in a follow-up survey that asked WWE fans if they knew the current status of both wrestlers, the top answers were ‘dead, probably?’ for Hogan and ‘doing bible guy stuff’ for Sting.
- Mickie James has turned down a new TNA contract and is now a free agent. While some say she is looking to make a WWE return, a close source tells us exclusively that she will be focusing on her music because it’s “pretty okay.”
- Dragon Gate USA and Evolve will be unveiling a new way to order DVDs in the coming weeks. When you order a DVD you will be asked not to put in your name but your child’s name instead, so that someone will be alive to receive it when it is finally released and ready to ship.
- Ring of Honor has been demanding that all contracted employees cancel any bookings for indy shows that will be broadcast on iPPV. The reasoning given by ROH is that iPPV is ‘stupid and for idiot babies’ and that ‘nobody even cares anyway’. They went on to claim that DVDs are ‘where it’s at’, boasting of the format’s revolutionary features such as interactive menus and scene access.
- Sources say Lance Storm was visited by local police this weekend for a noise dispute claim, with neighbors apparently complaining about the noise level of laughs and anger displayed by Mr. Storm. Given a warning, Lance released the statement “They were being mean to Sheldon and I let my emotions get the better of me. I will try my best to control my feelings in the future. Thanks for the support. LS.”