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    WWE for Beginners: A Live Show Prep Sheet

    For some reason, my brother-in-law decided that going to the WWE house show tomorrow would be a good time. He’s going to find out how wrong he was.

    Of the eight people going, only myself and my wife watch wrestling with any sort of regularity, so I was asked to create a prep sheet to let everyone know:

    a) Who all the wrestlers are;

    b) What their deal is;

    c) If they’re actually nice people or not (since they’re smart enough to know that wrestlers are often kinda awful and they’d rather not cheer for anyone who’s a big old jerk in real life).

    I’ve had to condense things down and make a few assumptions, but here’s my prep sheet for everyone that’s been announced for the show.

    John Cena

    cena-8-19-raw

    Basically the modern day Hulk Hogan. Beloved by kids, big strong guy, never gives up. Wears colourful shirts. Occassionally raps and tells bad jokes.

    Is he a nice guy?

    I mean, he does a lot of Make-A-Wish stuff, though I think he might not be the coolest guy in town to hang out with. Comes across as a bad boyfriend to fellow wrestler Nikki Bella in the 100% truthful reality show ‘Total Divas’.

    Seth Rollins

    RAW_1102_Photo_237

    Two-tone hair. Dresses like ’90s Batman. Very good at being an obnoxious jerk. Stamps on people’s heads. Has a gold briefcase.

    Is he a nice guy?

    Likely to be lovely for reals.

    Randy Orton

    orton_cape_attacked_guilty

    Oily dude. Dumb sleeve tattoos. His dad was ‘Cowboy’ Bob Orton. Responsible for that ‘RKO outta nowhere’ viral nonsense you might have seen.

    Is he a nice guy?

    Nicer than he used to be but that’s not saying much because he used to poop in ladies’ bags. Prone to temper tantrums. Still seems like a bit of a nasty piece of work. Continue reading →

    This entry was posted in More Things! and tagged Live Show, WWE for Beginners on December 26, 2014 by Tom B.
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