For some reason, my brother-in-law decided that going to the WWE house show tomorrow would be a good time. He’s going to find out how wrong he was.
Of the eight people going, only myself and my wife watch wrestling with any sort of regularity, so I was asked to create a prep sheet to let everyone know:
a) Who all the wrestlers are;
b) What their deal is;
c) If they’re actually nice people or not (since they’re smart enough to know that wrestlers are often kinda awful and they’d rather not cheer for anyone who’s a big old jerk in real life).
I’ve had to condense things down and make a few assumptions, but here’s my prep sheet for everyone that’s been announced for the show.
John Cena
Basically the modern day Hulk Hogan. Beloved by kids, big strong guy, never gives up. Wears colourful shirts. Occassionally raps and tells bad jokes.
Is he a nice guy?
I mean, he does a lot of Make-A-Wish stuff, though I think he might not be the coolest guy in town to hang out with. Comes across as a bad boyfriend to fellow wrestler Nikki Bella in the 100% truthful reality show ‘Total Divas’.
Seth Rollins
Two-tone hair. Dresses like ’90s Batman. Very good at being an obnoxious jerk. Stamps on people’s heads. Has a gold briefcase.
Is he a nice guy?
Likely to be lovely for reals.
Randy Orton
Oily dude. Dumb sleeve tattoos. His dad was ‘Cowboy’ Bob Orton. Responsible for that ‘RKO outta nowhere’ viral nonsense you might have seen.
Is he a nice guy?
Nicer than he used to be but that’s not saying much because he used to poop in ladies’ bags. Prone to temper tantrums. Still seems like a bit of a nasty piece of work. Continue reading