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Pro Wrestling NOAHtry: TJ Tries Again

Pro Wrestling NOAH was once a proud wrestling promotion in Japan. They never really recovered though after the in-ring death of Mitsuharu Misawa though and have been in a decline ever since. They are now being run by the red-hot NJPW, and the Suzuki-gun stable from NJPW has been doing a hostile-takeover of the product.

With all that said, it’s time to drum up some excitement for NOAH. What better way to do that than with poetry, by ~~legendary artist~~, TJ Hawke.

Note from Tom: Heya, I’m back. Once again, Ilyass is the only true legendary artist round these parts. Regardless of all that though, TJ tried another poem. Frankly, it’s no better than the first. I understand it’s important to be supportive but we really should draw a line at some point, you know? Anyway, sorry about this.

The next match looked at is Zack Sabre Jr. vs. Katsuhiko Nakajima

Sabre Junior loves the beer.
Doesn’t mind when women leer.

Nakajima kicks him in the head.
But he’s boring like The Walking Dead.

Booing Zack is strange behavior.
He should be NOAH’s savior.

Nakajima was the winner.
The booker, Jado, is a sinner.

Match had no flipping, back rakes.
That’s why it’s only three flakes.

This entry was posted in More Things! and tagged NOAH, puro, Zack Sabre Jr on August 5, 2015 by Road Warrior Hawke.

Pro Wrestling NOAHtry: TJ’s First Attempt

Pro Wrestling NOAH was once a proud wrestling promotion in Japan. They never really recovered though after the in-ring death of Mitsuharu Misawa though and have been in a decline ever since. They are now being run by the red-hot NJPW, and the Suzuki-gun stable from NJPW has been doing a hostile-takeover of the product.

With all that said, it’s time to drum up some excitement for NOAH. What better way to do that than with poetry, by ~~legendary artist~~, TJ Hawke.

Note from Tom: Hi gang, it’s The Big Dog here. First things first – TJ wrote that introduction himself and he is NOT a legendary artist, so I had to amend it out of respect for the only true legendary artist: Ilyass.

Anyway, his poem isn’t very good but he a) tried his best and b) takes a shot at Taz, so I guess it’s not completely without merit.

The first entry concerns Minoru Suzuki defending the GHC Heavyweight Championship against Yoshihiro Takayama.

GHC title match was fabs.
MiSu sort of has abs.

Taz whines about stolen towels.
MiSu makes lions lose bowels.

Takayama is old as fuck.
Suzuki-gun runs amok.

Don’t miss Suzuki-gun a ton.
Hope they’re sent to the sun.

MiSu causes many scars.
Match is 3 and 1/2 stars.

This entry was posted in More Things! and tagged Minoru Suzuki, NOAH, puro on August 1, 2015 by Road Warrior Hawke.

All Aboard the S.S. Strong Style: The G1 is Coming, Part 1

Shelly Deathlock cares too much about Japanese wrestling and, as Captain of the S.S. Strong Style, she’s here to welcome you on board and fill you in on what’s going on in the world of puro.

The G1 (Grade One) Climax is a heavyweight tournament held yearly by New Japan Pro Wrestling. The G1 Climax 25 this year has 20 entrants, and takes place over 19 days in July and August – the longest tournament in G1 history. You are not ready. I am not ready. However, we have until July 20th to get ready. Let’s go!

What is the G1?

The G1 is a round robin tournament with two blocks of participants. Each participant in Block A will wrestle every other participant in Block A. Each participant in Block B will wrestle every other participant in Block B. Participants score two points for each victory.

At the end of the tournament, the wrestlers with the most points in each block advance to the final on August 16th where they face each other.

The prize is a shot at the IWGP Heavyweight Championship (currently held by AJ Styles) at Wrestle Kingdom 10 on January 4, 2016.

Why should I watch?

In the G1 tournament last year, Minoru Suzuki wrestled AJ Styles in a match that won the Wrestling Observer Newsletter Match of the Year as well as the Deathlock Match of the Year. I’ll let you decide which of those things is more prestigious, but it’s cool that they aligned.

Everyone expected that the match could be good, but I don’t think anybody expected it to be the masterpiece it was. The Korakuen crowd was insane, and everything was perfect.

That’s the kind of thing that can happen when you throw twenty men into a tournament and have them wrestle singles matches against each other for nineteen days — fresh match ups, unexpected classics. The G1 is a great time, and the pinnacle of pro wrestling as a sport.

Continue reading →

This entry was posted in All Aboard the S.S. Strong Style and tagged All Aboard the S.S. Strong Style, G1, G1 Climax, puro, puroresu, Shinsuke Nakamura on June 10, 2015 by Shelly Deathlock.
All Aboard the S.S. Strong Style: Japanese 101 for プロレス Nerds, Part 3
Shelly Deathlock cares too much about Japanese wrestling and, as Captain of the S.S. Strong Style, she’s here to welcome you on board and fill you in on what’s going on in the world of puro. Today, she’s introducing you to the Japanese language, which she is not good at at all, but that makes her the perfect person to explain some things to you, since she has no discernible trappings of ego.
- Part 1 is here, where we learned about katakana, hiragana, kanji, and why we need all of them and just what exactly is going on here.
- Part 2 is here, where we learned about ring names, catch phrases, and fun things.
- This week in part 3, we’re covering vocabulary, grammar, and some more fun things! Ahoy!
A couple of frequently asked questions about Japanese:

Why is that commentator shouting “hai!” all the time? What is going on?!

Oh man, it’s called aizuchi and it’s how you politely listen in Japanese! By talking the whole time so your conversational partner knows you’re listening! I think it’s very strange! Fluentu has a good article on aizuchi.

Here is a father teaching his adorable child how to aizuchi, you’re welcome:

There are lots of general words you can use to show you’re paying attention — the commentators like “hai” (はい, “yes”), and Okada will そうですね (sou desu ne, “I see”) his way through an interview so hard you’ll wish he’d adopt a new phrase, any phrase, Okada honey please.

BONUS: here’s a cute gif of Shinsuke Nakamura sou desu ne-ing with his eyes shut.

Continue reading →
This entry was posted in All Aboard the S.S. Strong Style, More Things! and tagged All Aboard the S.S. Strong Style, Japanese 101, puro, puroresu on April 11, 2015 by Shelly Deathlock.
Wrestling With Food Aboard the S.S. Strong Style: The Kudome Valentine Cake and Important News

Shelly Deathlock cares too much about Japanese wrestling and, as Captain of the S.S. Strong Style, she’s here to welcome you on board and fill you in on what’s going on in the world of puro. She doesn’t even LIKE cake.

Readers, it’s a sad time here at Wrestling on Earth. I let slip that I was baking a cake for my husband for Valentine’s Day so he wouldn’t be too upset with me for making him wake up at 4 AM for NJPW’s New Beginning in Sendai show.

This prompted self-described puro expert and feminist Tom Blargh to issue a mandate:

If you're associated with @WrestlingEarth and you make ANY dessert without documenting it/naming it after a wrestler, I call the police.

— Tom fka The Big Dog ™ (@TomBlargh) February 14, 2015

Fearing for my position as Captain here aboard the S.S. Strong Style and what kind of mutiny Tom might stage if I didn’t comply, let me painstakingly document this cake process for you. I whipped it up in the, uh, mess hall? of the Strong Style, so excuse the horrible lighting, my phone’s camera, and, well, you know, everything, really.

NOTE FROM TOM: This is Wrestling On Earth’s VERY FIRST mash-up feature, combining elements from both the S.S. Strong Style and my wife’s own Wrestling With Food. The ultimate goal is for every post on this site to feature a wrestler-themed recipe and what a time to be alive that will be.

The Kudome Valentine Cake

What else would I name a Valentine’s day cake after? Megumi Kudo is a joshi wrestler who was active in FMW in the 90’s. If you want to know some more about that, check out Danielle Matheson’s excellent piece Searching for the Innovators of Violence.

As for the finisher that bears her name:

Step 1: First you make a cake, okay, it’s not really hard.

I used the Bob’s Red Mill gluten free vanilla cake mix because I am 1) gluten free, and 2) lazy. I followed the preparation instructions which were not difficult or confusing or amusing in any way, really, and out came two beautiful 9-inch cakes to layer. I did put a bunch of food coloring in them. It’s pretty.

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This entry was posted in All Aboard the S.S. Strong Style, More Things! and tagged All Aboard the S.S. Strong Style, joshi, Megumi Kudo, puro, Wrestling With Food on February 14, 2015 by Shelly Deathlock.

All Aboard the S.S. Strong Style: The Five Stages of Minoru Suzuki Fandom

Shelly Deathlock cares too much about Japanese wrestling and, as Captain of the S.S. Strong Style, she’s here to welcome you on board and fill you in on what’s going on in the world of puro. Today she’ll discuss why Minoru Suzuki is going to be your new favorite wrestler.

Maybe it wasn’t Shinsuke Nakamura walking that long Tokyo Dome ramp in a crown and cape and proceeding to have an incredible match against Kota Ibushi that got you newly invested (or re-invested!) in New Japan Pro Wrestling.

Maybe it was the guy with the crazy hair all in white looking like some kind of actual murderer and/or video game final boss coming out to a haunting theme song you’ve only heard rivaled in epicness by Real American.

Minoru Suzuki at Wrestle Kingdom 9, by satomi

That man was Minoru Suzuki, and he’s probably going to be your favorite wrestler in a minute, once you overcome the mental blocks that stand in the way of your potential.

The following stages describe what many humans have to go through to reach a place of reasonable acceptance and harmony with being a Suzuki fan, as he is a complex and difficult entity heretofore unseen in professional wrestling. You may move through these stages swiftly or you may work through one for months or years — that depends on a number of factors unique to you as an individual — but we can all reach the final stage. Trust me, my BS is in psychology.

Stage 1 of Minoru Suzuki fandom: Fear; abject terror.

Are you kidding me, Deathlock!? No way. Look at that guy. That guy could kill me with his mind a thousand miles away. Also what is with his hair. No sane man has hair like that. That man gives no fucks and he can stay away from me and off of my TV forever, thank you very much.

Okay, fair point. You stay at this stage as long as you need to. Nobody’s going to force you to progress until you’re ready. Just give it some thought. Come back later. Click to read more if you’re ready to move on to stage 2.

Continue reading →

This entry was posted in All Aboard the S.S. Strong Style, More Things! and tagged All Aboard the S.S. Strong Style, Minoru Suzuki, puro, puroresu on January 24, 2015 by Shelly Deathlock.
All Aboard the S.S. Strong Style: What To Do Now That You’re Ready To Accept Shinsuke Nakamura As Your Pro Wrestling Lord and Savior
Shelly Deathlock cares too much about Japanese wrestling and, as Captain of the S.S. Strong Style, she’s here to welcome you on board and fill you in on what’s going on in the world of puro.

Antonio Inoki is no longer here.

Strong Style lives within me — I am Strong Style personified.

For the fans that remain, and the fans that shall be.

– Shinsuke Nakamura

Maybe you just watched Wrestle Kingdom 9, saw Shinsuke Nakamura enter the Tokyo Dome in a crown and cape and wrestle an incredible match and proceeded to completely lose your shit and vow to name your firstborn after him. Welcome to the club! [EDIT: This post has been updated in May 2015 to account for all the people who lost their shit and became overwhelmed by Nakamuraness during the US/Canada tour, okay thanks.]

One of the best things about being on the Shinsuke Nakamura bandwagon is that I, Captain Deathlock of the S.S. Strong Style, will boma ye the hell out of anyone who wants to treat you badly for being a newbie, a fangirl or for just asking too many questions.

We’re family now, so I want to help you get started and support you when you feel like you just can’t deal with your life anymore because Shinsuke Nakamura is tearing it apart with every five star match he wrestles and making you reconsider your entire being as a wrestling fan and everything you knew. I know, I know. Come here, it’s okay to cry.

Let’s get started.

Shinsuke’s wrestling:

Shinsuke connects with fans on a number of levels, but if you’re here, you’re primarily in this for the wrestling. He has lots of that, and he would appear to be the best in the world at it right now [ever – ed].

If you haven’t yet, watch Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Kota Ibushi at Wrestle Kingdom 9 right now, as it is a beautiful display of everything he does best: grace, storytelling, flawless technicality, brutality, and downright nasty arrogance. He’s always like this, and we are so lucky to have him. That Ibushi kid is alright too.

One very good idea is to subscribe to NJPWWorld (there is an ENGLISH SIGNUP PAGE now!) and reference SenorLARIATO’s list of great matches available on the service. A number of them include Shinsuke, naturally. You should aim to see every big Shinsuke match from 2014 at least. Then you can go back through the years and fill in the rest of the hole in your heart where Shinsuke never was and now needs to be.

NJPWWorld is adding more content all the time, but not a whole lot from before 2011 is up yet for Shinsuke. Here are my 2014 favorites:
- Shinsuke Nakamura vs Hiroshi Tanahashi, Wrestle Kingdom 8
- Hiroshi Tanahashi vs Shinsuke Nakamura, The New Beginning in Hiroshima
- Shinsuke Nakamura vs Minoru Suzuki, New Japan Cup Final
- Hiroshi Tanahashi vs Shinsuke Nakamura, Invasion Attack
- Shinsuke Nakamura vs Katsuyori Shibata, G1 Climax Day 1
- Yuji Nagata vs Shinsuke Nakamura, G1 Climax Day 4
- Hiroshi Tanahashi vs Shinsuke Nakamura, G1 Climax Day 8
- Kazuchika Okada vs Shinsuke Nakamura, G1 Climax Finals
- Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Katsuyori Shibata, Power Struggle
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This entry was posted in All Aboard the S.S. Strong Style, More Things! and tagged All Aboard the S.S. Strong Style, NJPW, puro, puroresu, Shinsuke Nakamura on January 11, 2015 by Shelly Deathlock.
The Merch Table: King of Swag Style, Shinsuke Nakamura

Wrestling companies make merchandise. It’s usually pretty bad, but sometimes, it’s terrible. Welcome to The Merch Table.

Every so often, @TomBlargh will look at some of the awful merch that someone expects you to buy. Up this time though, it’s a celebration of one man’s posing abilities: King of Swag Style, Shinsuke Nakamura.

One of the finest things in life is when wrestlers are forced to pose wearing their own merch, mostly because it almost always looks SUPER cringey. I used to run the ‘Awkward TNA Picture of the Week’ as a feature here because of the sheer volume of terrible pictures featured on ShopTNA. Check out a few of my favourites below:

Yeah, no surprises that Mr. Anderson got featured more than once. Anyway, there’s an exception to every rule – in this case, it’s New Japan’s own Shinsuke Nakamura (seen below getting beat up by Hello Kitty):

It’s already well established that I am both the Internet’s foremost authority on puroresu AND its leading wrestling merchologist, so it was inevitable that my two passions would finally collide. On PuroResuShop.com, Shinsuke has a fairly astonishing amount of merch to pose with. However, not only does he look FANTASTIC in every picture, he’s somehow managed to strike a different scintillating pose in each one. LET’S GET STARTED.

King of Strong Style shirt

Slightly biting his lip but projecting confidence as he clenches his fists. We also get a nice view of him from the back too, but where is his right arm? That’s for Shinsuke to know… and for us to find out 😉

SWAG RATING: 8/10
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This entry was posted in More Things!, The Merch Table and tagged New Japan, puro, puroresu, Shinsuke Nakamura, The Merch Table on October 17, 2014 by Tom B.
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