In his WWE documentary, CM Punk stated that he “feels sorry for anyone who doesn’t have tattoos”. Here are some reasons why this is a silly thing to say, with evidence of some truly regrettable tattoos sourced from the backs of his fellow wrestlers.
PLEASE NOTE: We’re only looking at terrible back tattoos here, so shut up about Batista’s belly button.
1. Matt Morgan
“Hi, I’d like a scary monster face tattooed on my back, please. Kind of like Brock Lesnar’s, but worse.”
“Absolutely! How much worse than Brock’s do you want it to be?”
“Much, MUCH worse.”
“Of course – maybe if we made it look like the half-finished doodles of an angsty teenager, how does that sound?”
“PERFECT.” Continue reading
Many sites have a match of the week but ours is a little different. These matches are the ones that are fun to watch… in the non-traditional way.
This week, we’ve chosen Beer Money vs. LAX vs. Team 3D vs. Abyss & Matt Morgan in a Monster’s Ball Tag Team match from Bound for Glory 2008, with Steve ‘Mongo’ McMichael as the special guest referee. Basically, it’s 28 minutes of madness. Members of the site @TimWelcomed, @typicalROHfan and @TomBlackett give their (lack of) expertise on the action.
Part 1: Bound for Mongo
This is only the FIFTH time a Monster’s Ball had happened, guys. First out is the man, the legend, Steve “Mongo” McM…LOOK AT HIS HAIR. LOOK AT IT. The half jersey/ref shirt looks hideous. But also, look at Mongo’s hair. We get the contestants’ entrances. Just look at Mongo’s hair though.
LAX and Beer Money are the two of the best tag teams in TNA history. Team 3D/The Dudleyz are arguably the most successful tag team in wrestling history. Matt Morgan…………… has had the most failed tag teams in wrestling history. Abyss is wearing white one month after Labor Day. Mongo McMichael has a grandma haircut and a creepy looking half football jersey/half referee shirt. Plus there’s weapons. You just KNOW this is gonna be something special.
As Mongo makes his way down to the ring, Don West asks ‘could this be any more perfect?’ and you know what? I’m not sure it could be. Mongo looks like a middle-aged mother of three, and not the sexy Adam Cole kind. His haircut is amazing. The way he coyly strips out of his top is even better. The glasses come off too, and brother, he’s READY.
Also, with Monster’s Ball, isn’t the deal meant to be that they were kept deprived of sleep and food in a dungeon for a few days before the match? I remember in the early ones, everyone would come down to the ring looking all disorientated and unhappy and that was kinda fun/stupid, but they all look normal(ish) here. Continue reading
Wrestling companies make merchandise. It’s usually pretty bad, but sometimes, it’s terrible. Welcome to The Merch Table.
Every week, @TomBlargh will look at some of the awful merch that someone expects you to buy. Up this week: ADVENTURES ON INDY ISLAND.
Making fun of indy merch is a tough proposition. While WWE and TNA should really have the time and money to make a decent job of it (EVEN THOUGH THEY DON’T), you can’t make the same assumptions about indy companies, so it’s only fair to cut them some slack. Also, I have been made aware by a number of hashtags that it is VITALLY IMPORTANT to #SupportIndyWrestling and #FindIndyWrestling and #HonorLives and #WWETonsOfFunk.
SO LOOK: Go to indy shows, pay for indy iPPVs and buy indy shirts (either direct from the wrestlers themselves or from somewhere like prowrestlingtees.com and NO I AM NOT GETTING PAID FOR THIS BUT MAYBE THEY’LL SEND ME A FREE YOUNG BUCKS SUPER MARIO PILLOWCASE HINT HINT).
Anyway! Now I’ve covered my back, LET’S GET STARTED.
Jesus. If you’re wearing any one of these shirts to a show, there’s a fair chance I’ll be moving seats to be as far away from you as possible.
I’m also assuming that you will:
- Start WHAT-ing during any promo even though it is the year TWO THOUSAND AND THIRTEEN.
- Wear your #HEEL shirt under the hoodie you saw CM Punk wearing on Raw, despite the fact that you’re not entirely sure who this ‘Gracie Jiu Jitsu’ person is.
- Do your best to start a Chris Benoit chant because EDGY!!!!
- Be the proud owner of a luxurious neckbeard.
These might be some unfair assumptions but man, I’m not the one in the #HEEL shirt. Continue reading