• Tag Archives: Halloween

    This Or That (10/10/2015)

    Everybody loves binary decisions, especially wrestling fans! In This Or That, we’ve forced ourselves to choose between two options that relate to wrestling.

    Over four questions, @TimWelcomed, @JoeyOnEarth and @TomBlargh will have to choose one of two options and give their reasoning on each of their choices. You can then vote on which one you’d choose, giving you the false impression that you’re somehow involved and we care about your opinion chance to join the conversation!

    Before we start, here’s last week‘s results:

    Worst opponent choice for a star wrestler’s match?

    Big Show facing Brock Lesnar at MSG – 79%, Kane facing Seth Rollins at HIAC – 21%

    Who would you rather see return to WWE for one more Wrestlemania match?

    Kurt Angle – 84%, Jeff Hardy – 16%

    Which NXT champion will lose their title first?

    Bayley – 58%, Finn Balor – 42%

    Which FOX sitcom are you looking forward to the return of?

    Brooklyn Nine Nine – 56%, Last Man On Earth – 44%

    Who would you rather see Undertaker wrestle at Wrestlemania 32: John Cena or Sting?

    ‘Taker in Texas.

    Screen Shot 2015-10-10 at 21.13.56


    I’m going to give you some inside baseball real fast. Joey is underneath me with his answer. He put his answer in before I did. I want to reference something he said as I had planned on saying the same thing so here’s what we are going to do. You’re going to go read his answer. When you are done you can scroll up a little bit or move your eyes up a little bit and read mine. Once this happens you will go “oh, I know what he’s talking about because I read Joey’s beforehand.” Go do that now. This is super necessary and important. It will not be a waste of time.

    Are you back? Okay, cool. Let’s do this.

    There’s a lot of things at play in this one for me. I’d love to see Sting get a proper retirement match at a WrestleMania if he and WWE think he could wrestle again. Like Joey said in his answer to this question, my dream match was always Sting vs Shawn Michaels growing up. I always saw the Sting vs Undertaker dream match as people going “these two characters are dark they should fight.” I’m not sure I ever even thought about that match as a kid. There was nothing there to ever make me interested in that. Sting and HBK’s styles would’ve been interesting to watch in a match.

    NOW though… well, there’s nothing really interesting for Sting to do besides a spectacle-laden build-up and showdown with The Undertaker. It would have to be a retirement match at this point in his career but they wouldn’t do a double-retirement as it would take away from the impact of The Undertaker retiring (which I’m almost positive is happening… PLEASE?). If we get Cena vs Undertaker we could possibly get one final Undertaker match that is watchable. I guess that’s the answer but I’m so tired of Cena’s character that I can’t stand him and his matches. Even if they’re good he is insufferable but whatever. NO. Fuck this. Give me Sting vs Undertaker and don’t make me see either guy ever again afterwards.

    Here’s my pitch. You reintroduce Brad Maddox. Sting doesn’t know if he should ever wrestle again. Brad Maddox had a vision while in that cave that he should be Sting’s protégé. He talks Sting into wrestling again and calling out The Undertaker because he saw that moment in the vision. Sting finds his smile and thanks Maddox for helping him get back into the game. Sting takes Maddox under his wing during the build up to the match.

    Meanwhile, you do what seems to be a one-off comedy skit with Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose backstage. The Undertaker had just returned to accept Sting’s challenge. Ambrose is daring people to pick up the urn that is just chilling backstage and no one will. Of course, Reigns does because HE’S NOT SCARED. When he picks it up to laugh at everyone for being PANSIES he immediately vomits everywhere which causes him to drop the urn. Over the next few weeks Roman starts getting really strange. He still feels sick all of the time. He only craves raw meat and buys his first motorcycle. Lights flicker whenever he walks in a room sometimes and it’s really starting to freak him out.

    The big match happens. Towards the end Sting and Undertaker are both out. The ref gets to the nine count. LIGHTS GO OUT. You hear screams. Lights flash back on. A baseball bat and the urn are sitting in the spots where Sting and The Undertaker were laying. LIGHTS GO OUT AGAIN. LIGHTING HITS THE RAMP. Lights back on! By the urn stands The New Undertaker Roman Reigns. By the bat stands The New Sting, Brad Maddox. The match continues. Whoever wins it doesn’t matter because of the 5 star classic they put on. The crowd is yelling and losing their shit. Grown men are ripping off their shirts and throwing money at the ring. Kids are being born. The Pope releases a statement the next day about the greatest match that ever was. WrestleMania 32 makes history.



    I’ve never been one of the people super into seeing Undertaker vs. Sting as a dream match. My personal Sting WWE dream match was always vs. Shawn Michaels. Sting/Taker would be cool but more so if it were Sting’s first WWE appearance. I’d rather see Undertaker face John Cena at a Wrestlemania because I desperately want to see it happen once before ‘Taker retires. Cena also gives a significantly better chance at Undertaker having a great match in what I personally think will be his retirement bout.

    John Cena


    The Brock Summerslam match was somewhat of a return to form for ‘Taker, but I still think they’ve kind of missed the boat as far as doing something really special between him and John Cena.

    Cena’s been on an absolute tear this year, having innovative, fast-paced matches with a great bunch of younger lads, so for him to slow it down to have an Undertaker match would be kind of a bummer. Let Sting have his ‘Taker match, for fuck’s sake. Spend all the time on the intros and then use spectacular special effects to make it look like they’re firing lightning bolts and crows at one another.


    [poll id=”231″]

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    The Merch Table: Halloween Special (Part 2)

    Wrestling companies make merchandise. It’s usually pretty bad, but sometimes, it’s terrible. Welcome to The Merch Table.

    Every week, @TomBlargh will look at some of the awful merch that someone expects you to buy. Up this week: HALLOWEEN SPECIAL (PART 2).

    If you haven’t read last week’s Halloween Special, then you should probably get yourself up to date. Done that? Cool. Now bring on the terrible wrestling masks and costumes! LET’S GET STARTED.

    Bret Hart mask


    Here we have Bret Hart in mask form, looking more like a “40-year-old mother of three who had a really rough night” than Adam Cole ever could (and if you’re not familiar with that reference, here’s the appropriate scene from Kevin Steen’s Weekend Escapades to help fill you in):

    Anyway, yet another example of how the wrestling business screwed Bret. I’m surprised we didn’t see three chapters in his book dedicated to the ‘Halloween Mask Screwjob’.

    Kurt Angle TNA costume


    That’s a disturbingly accurate depiction of Kurt Angle’s face (i.e. INTENSELY CRAZY), but what’s up with that pose? Is that meant to be… like… an amateur wrestling stance? Is amateur wrestling all about standing with your legs really wide apart? Please reply ASAP, amateur wrestling fans (har har, just kidding, there’s no such thing as an amateur wrestling fan). Continue reading

    The Merch Table: Halloween Special (Part 1)

    Wrestling companies make merchandise. It’s usually pretty bad, but sometimes, it’s terrible. Welcome to The Merch Table.

    Every week, @TomBlargh will look at some of the awful merch that someone expects you to buy. Up this week: HALLOWEEN SPECIAL (PART 1).

    Everybody loves Halloween, especially wrestling fans! But how are you supposed to dress as your favourite in-ring competitor when all most of them wear is a tiny pair of spandex panties? You ain’t got the body to pull that off, and brother, it’s COLD outside.

    The easiest solution is to just go as Cena (t-shirt, jorts, buzzcut) or Punk (t-shirt, basketball shorts, magic marker tattoo sleeves) but if you want to try something else, then wrestling companies are there to help, with all sorts of costume ideas! And by ‘all sorts of costume ideas’, I mostly mean ‘really horrific vinyl masks’! I’ve run out of ideas got a lot of love for Halloween, so this’ll be a two parter. LET’S GET STARTED.

    Goldberg mask


    RIGHT, jumping straight into the deep end this week. There’s something to be said for how (relatively) lifelike this is, assuming it’s a version of Big Bill from his period spent being tortured in the fifth layer of hell.  Maybe it looks a little less horrific from another angle though:


    THAT ISN’T BETTER. Maybe from a side-on perspective?


    NO. Okay, one last try, maybe it won’t be terrifying if we zoom in a little?


    FORGET IT. Continue reading