Wrestling companies make merchandise. It’s usually pretty bad, but sometimes, it’s terrible. Welcome to The Merch Table.
Every week, @TomBlargh will look at some of the awful merch that someone expects you to buy. Up this week: COMMERCIALS SPECIAL.
Commercials for wrestling merchandise are often more interesting than the products they’re meant to be advertising, especially when the wrestlers are starring in them – when you get wrestlers doing anything but wrestle, you’re really rolling the dice.
Obviously, the undisputed king of shilling merch is and always will be Don West. I haven’t featured him in this column, if only because a) it’d make all the others look terrible in comparison and b) his merch-selling masterpieces tend to be, like, 12 minutes long. With that disclaimer out the way, LET’S GET STARTED.
WWF catalog commercial, starring Dusty Rhodes and Sapphire
This is the BEST. I could watch Dusty sell anything – anyone who’s not in the market for an ‘Ultimate Warrior SUHCK CUHP’ after watching this is DEAD inside.
His dynamic with Sapphire is also something that makes me laugh every time – he’s clearly frustrated by her being completely clueless, but he’s so locked into the happy-go-lucky Dusty character that it’s just bubbling under the surface. Continue reading