The Merch Table: King of Swag Style, Shinsuke Nakamura

Wrestling companies make merchandise. It’s usually pretty bad, but sometimes, it’s terrible. Welcome to The Merch Table.

Every so often, @TomBlargh will look at some of the awful merch that someone expects you to buy. Up this time though, it’s a celebration of one man’s posing abilities: King of Swag Style, Shinsuke Nakamura.

One of the finest things in life is when wrestlers are forced to pose wearing their own merch, mostly because it almost always looks SUPER cringey. I used to run the ‘Awkward TNA Picture of the Week’ as a feature here because of the sheer volume of terrible pictures featured on ShopTNA. Check out a few of my favourites below:

Yeah, no surprises that Mr. Anderson got featured more than once. Anyway, there’s an exception to every rule – in this case, it’s New Japan’s own Shinsuke Nakamura (seen below getting beat up by Hello Kitty):

It’s already well established that I am both the Internet’s foremost authority on puroresu AND its leading wrestling merchologist, so it was inevitable that my two passions would finally collide. On PuroResuShop.com, Shinsuke has a fairly astonishing amount of merch to pose with. However, not only does he look FANTASTIC in every picture, he’s somehow managed to strike a different scintillating pose in each one. LET’S GET STARTED.

King of Strong Style shirt

Slightly biting his lip but projecting confidence as he clenches his fists. We also get a nice view of him from the back too, but where is his right arm? That’s for Shinsuke to know… and for us to find out 😉

SWAG RATING: 8/10

YeaOh! shirt

Yeah, he wears his hair up sometimes, what of it? Do NOT think you know Shinsuke Nakamura, he will ALWAYS defy your expectations. We also see him tugging on his shirt to demonstrate just how pliable cotton is, which happens to be the King of Strong Style’s personal favourite fabric.

SWAG RATING: 7/10

BomaYeeee shirt

AWW YEAH, HERE COME THE CRAZY FACES. He gives his shirt another solid tugging as only a puro master can. You wanna see what it looks like from behind? No problem! He’ll even give you a sly look over the shoulder while flashing his own personal gang sign.

SWAG RATING: 9/10

Some anime thing shirt

Gang sign. Head tilted back. Left hand hidden from view. Simple. Classic. STRONG STYLE.

SWAG RATING: 8/10

3 Magazine shirt

THIS IS HOW I DRIVE MY TRUCK, BEEP BEEP, SHINSUKE COMING THROUGH. He has a slightly puzzled look on his face because he doesn’t understand why you haven’t already ordered ten of these shirts. Not only is it disrespectful to him, it’s disrespectful to ‘the King of Sports’, puroresu.

SWAG RATING: 9/10

New Japan UK shirt

Shinsuke Nakamura is a man who will look you RIGHT in the eye as he pinches his nipple and he is NOT ashamed. I’ve never heard the UK referred to as a ‘Wonderland of Wrestle’ before but.. sure, okay. Not sure what he’s doing with his hands on his hips. “Is he doing a chicken dance” is a question you might ask, to which the answer is FUCK YOU, so what if he is. Get over yourself.

SWAG RATING: 9/10

Scarf

I bet you thought he was gonna have it wrapped around his neck, didn’t you? IDIOT. That would NOT be strong style.

SWAG RATING: 8/10

Hoodie towl thing

WHY WOULD YOU NOT HAVE SHINSUKE MODEL THIS HOOD THING, HE HAS A PERFECTLY GOOD HEAD.

SWAG RATING: -10/10 (FOR LACK OF SHINSUKE)

****BREAKING MERCH UPDATE****

They’ve added a pic of Shinsuke modelling the hoodie towel thing and it’s perfection:

SWAG RATING: 10/10

Mask

You’d probably wear a mask to cover your ugly face. Not Shinsuke, not when he’s dressed all in black. Is he going to a funeral?

*stubs out cigarette*

Maybe he is.

*looks away and smirks*

Maybe he is.

SWAG RATING: 9/10

Fan

Shinsuke shows off his playful side. Yeah, it’s a fan with his picture on it! Hahaha, oh man. Too classic.

SWAG RATING: 8/10

Keychain

He’s holding tiny versions of himself. Pretty fucked up, sure, but he can deal with it so BACK THE FUCK OFF.

SWAG RATING: 8/10

Book

There isn’t a picture of ol’ Shinsuke posing with his book, which would usually be grounds for it to be given an immediate -10/10 rating. HOWEVER, to make up for it, they show us this picture from inside:

Yes, that’s a fedora he’s modelling and yes, he’s he only person in the world who can still make that work.

SWAG RATING: 10/10

Replica IWGP Intercontinental title belt

Usually a grown man would look like a damn chump modelling a child’s belt. For example, here’s Allen Jones Style posing with the kid’s replica of the Heavyweight Title:

What a jabronie mark without a life who don’t know it a work when you work a work and work yourself into a shoot. Not Shinsuke Nakamura though, he looks god damn IMPRESSIVE and I WILL fight you if you disagree.

SWAG RATING: 9/10

Plush doll rabbit thing

Gang sign. Crazy face. Adorable plush representation of himself. Truly, Shinsuke Nakamura is the King of Swag Style.

SWAG RATING: 10/10