We’re bored of wrestling so we came up with a new feature to let us go on about superheroes and comics instead. Welcome to Superhero Survivor Series!
Each of our panel members was tasked with drafting their dream team of superheroes for a classic 5-on-5 Survivor Series match.
Making their picks in the following order will be:
- Brad (@BradFGN),
- Joey (@JoeySplashwater).
- Tim (@TimWelcomed),
- Nightlife (@AnimeKing420) and
- Tom (@TomBlargh).
You can see the introduction and rules here. The picks so far are:
Round One: Arrow, The Incredible Hulk, Captain America, Guy Gardner (Red Lantern), Animal Man.
Round Two: Master Chief, Superman, Nightcrawler, Venom (Flash Thompson), Stardust the Super Wizard.
Round Three: Kato, Spider-Man, Space Ghost, Storm, The Punisher.
Round Four: Colossus, Squirrel Girl, Big Barda, Lockjaw, The Silver Surfer.
Let the final round begin!
Superhero Survivor Series: Round Five
Brad’s pick: ELEKTRA
When you talk about Elektra, what comes to mind is her expertise in hand to hand combat. While Chief and Colossus will be using their strength, she will be using her speed and martial arts skills to take out and assist. One way she can assist is her low-level mind control and abilities to blur the mind of her adversaries.
If adversaries attempt to use heat or cold to take the team down, she has the endurance to withstand it. I feel she is the leader of the hand to hand combat of the team alongside the team who each possess some sort of hand to hand skill. (EDITOR’S NOTE: I had no idea what to do with that last sentence, so enjoy Brad in his raw, unfiltered form!)
Joey’s pick: BIONIC BUNNY
That’s right! The ultimate wild card – Bionic Bunny! An equal to Superman and another tag team to form of the super forces. We have Superman & Bionic Bunny and Spider-Man & Squirrel Girl each tagging for chemistry bonding and The Incredible Hulk just there to kill everyone for fun. These tomato cans don’t have a chance against a dream team of this caliber.
Tim’s pick: BEAST
Finally, I have Beast. The brains of the group. One of the original members of The X-Men, he also has heightened senses and animal… errr… beast-like strength. His hair is blue and if you want you can imagine Kelsey Grammar’s voice coming out of his mouth. How can that not please you?
Nightife’s pick: HULK HOGAN
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, BROTHER. I’VE LOOKED AT THESE OTHER TEAMS AND KNOW WHAT I SEE? A BUNCH OF JABRONI MARKS, THAT’S WHAT I SEE.
REMEMBER WHEN I BODYSLAMMED THE 10000000LB ANDRE THE GIANT IN FRONT OF 8 TRILLION SCREAMIN’ HULKAMANIACS? AFTER THE SHOW, I WAS PARTYING WITH MY MAN JOHN BELUSHI AND A NERDY PENCIL-NECKED GEEK CAME UP AND TOLD ME HIS NAME WAS BRUCE SOMETHING OR OTHER. HE TOLD ME HE COULD TURN INTO A GIANT HULKED-OUT GREEN MONSTER AND I BLESSED HIM WITH THE “HULK” NAME, SO THAT BRUCE GUY OWES EVERYTHING TO ME, JACK.
STARDUST THE SUPER WIZARD? SORRY DUDE, BUT YOU’VE GOT TO HAVE A HEAD SIZE PROPORTIONAL TO THE REST OF YOUR BODY TO MAKE IT IN THIS BUSINESS, BROTHER. ANIMAL MAN? THE ONLY ANIMALS THE FANS CARE ABOUT ARE THESE 24″ PYTHONS, BROTHER. CAPTAIN AMERICA? REMINDS ME A LITTLE TOO MUCH OF MY GOOD FRIEND MR. AMERICA, BROTHER.
COLOSSUS? HE’S NOT AS COLOSSAL AS THE GIANT ANDRE. I COULD BODYSLAM HIM NO PROBLEM, BROTHER. BIG BARDA? SHE’S A PRETTY BIG CHICK, BUT NOT AS BIG AND STRONG AS MY GIRL BROOKE, DUDE. SILVER SURFER? THE FANS DON’T WANT TO SEE AN ALL-SILVER GUY, DUDE. THEY WANT SOMEONE WHO’S BIG AND MUSCULAR AND TAN LIKE THE HULKSTER, BROTHER.
SO NOW I ASK ALL THE OTHER TEAMS: WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHEN HULKAMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOUUUUUU?!
Tom’s pick: BRAD WARD
What’s that, you say? Brad Ward doesn’t count as a superhero? Well, guess what, YOU’RE WRONG. He likes to wear costumes:
He fights injustice and bullies:
But he knows when to show mercy:
Going to bed before I say shit to do you dumb fuck snark marks, I MAY REGRET. — Brad Ward (@BradWardFGN) June 22, 2012
Basically, he’s a role model to us all and the rightful leader of my team. ATTENTION, OTHER TEAMS AS WELL AS ALL THE SICK TROLLS AND HATERS OF THE WORLD: YOU WILL NOT WIN. NOT WHILE BRAD AND HIS TEAM OF CUTIES ARE AROUND TO PUT YOU IN YOUR PLACE.
Vote for who you want to win!
And that’s it! See below for a final reminder of the full teams and a poll where you can vote for the winner. Voting will end at midnight on Sunday, September the 14th.
BRAD’S TEAM: Arrow, Master Chief, Kato, Colossus, Elektra.
JOEY’S TEAM: The Incredible Hulk, Superman, Spider-Man, Squirrel Girl, Bionic Bunny
TIM’S TEAM: Captain America, Nightcrawler, Space Ghost, Big Barda, Beast
NIGHTLIFE’S TEAM: Guy Gardner (Red Lantern), Venom (Flash Thompson), Storm, Lockjaw, Hulk Hogan
TOM’S TEAM: Animal Man, Stardust the Super Wizard, The Punisher, The Silver Surfer, Brad Ward
–If you want to hurl abuse at our draft pickers, you can find them on Twitter at @BradFGN, @JoeySplashwater, @TimWelcomed, @AnimeKing420 and @TomBlargh. Please don’t though, they’re trying their best.