ScoopZone Elite: January 13, 2014

We’ve consulted our inside sources to bring you the best and most EXCLUSIVE dirt on your favorite wrestling promotions from around the world. Unlike other sites, we’ll only bring you 100% accurate and truthful wrestling news every week. We’re still working on our paywall, so please only read these stories if you’re an elite member.

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 News for The Week of January 13, 2014

 WWE

• Batista is expected to debut by attacking Brodus Clay during the Royal Rumble so he can be aligned with Tensai and form Tons of Funk 2.0.

• The recent announcement of the WWE Network has caused concern amongst fans used to paying $60 for PPVs, with many stating that the Network’s reasonable price point will “kill the business”. A number of individuals are already pledging to mail blank cheques to Vince McMahon every month, just to make sure that the WWE doesn’t close down and that Vince has a little “walking around money”.

• The current plans for Royal Rumble have Big Show facing Brock Lesnar in a Freaky Friday match. Big Show is supposed to wear Jimmy John’s shorts and Brock is slated to dance in a diaper.

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 TNA

• Dixie Carter publicly stated that she is looking for new talent to come to TNA. If you are a former criminal or an ex-reality television star, you are encouraged to send your resume in to TNA offices.

• Kurt Angle was escorted out of a local zoo by security this weekend. Angle instinctively climbed one of the animal cages and did a moonsault to prove he’s the real king of the jungle.

• Mike Tenay was seen sleeping on the floor of an airport flailing his arms and muttering “Go away, Taz.”

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 Other

• Upon hearing the details of the WWE Network, Ring of Honor started working on their own streaming service but, in a sign of growth, decided it would be best not to move forward with the service.

• Evolve 25 ended with Davey Richards telling everyone to kiss his ass. We can confirm this was the original plan for Evolve 2 through 24 before Richards signed with ROH.

• In a recent shoot interview, Jim Cornette revealed that all of the issues with ROH during his tenure with the company were definitely not his fault. He also confirmed that nobody wants to watch Kevin Steen, El Generico or the Super Smash Bros wrestle and that Mike Mondo is the future of the business.

• Ex-WWE/WCW/ECW/PWS superstar Lance Storm voiced the seductive OS in hit film “Her”, currently playing in theaters.