Seven Things: Wrestlers as Pokemon

Welcome to Seven Things, a weekly list that consists of very eclectic topics.

Unlike past editions, this week’s Seven Things is a bit more of a fun topic and less to go in depth about so we’ll double the content and go with 14 wrestlers that draw eerily similarities to Pokémon.

Many are buzzing about the new Pokémon X and Y game which led to the thought process of what wrestlers are similar to the Pokémon I know and love. Only the original 151 Pokémon will be acknowledged as I am a cartoon hipster and take this discussion very seriously.

Triple H is Mewtwo

Will do whatever it takes to monopolize power. Uses his power in nefarious ways. Weird looking noses. Instead of Mewtwo’s ability to control others, HHH has the ability to buddy up to others higher on the food chain until he gains equal or more power to them.

Daniel Bryan is Mew

Nice coincidence that Bryan and HHH are currently feuding. Smaller than most of their adversaries. The book Media and the Make-believe Worlds of Children referred to Mew as “combining characteristics of power and cuteness.” Quite frankly this should be Daniel Bryan’s life biography. Proof of cuteness here.

Curtis Axel is Jigglypuff

Both have the supreme power of putting anyone to sleep any time they choose to perform.

Rellik is Ekans

Ekans spelled backwards is snake. Rellik spelled backwards is killer. Neither were clever in their wordplay choices. I think this means Black Reign is Koffing by association. The card above is a TNA card of Rellik the human, not a Pokémon card if you were wondering what that thing was.

Brian Knobbs is Gloom

Gloom is known for its foul odor. Every time I think of Brian Knobbs, I think of foul odors. Fun fact: The Wrestlers Who Likely Smell Terrible will be a future Seven Things list and we will go in depth about Brian Knobbs’ scent there.

Teddy Hart is Charmeleon

No fucks given. Sticks to it his promoters any chance he gets. Completely in business for himself. His rebel attitude is sometimes endearing and part of his charm.

Scott Steiner is Charizard

Much like the prior duo, the no fucks are given attitude evolves. The rebel demeanor is less charming and more terrifying. While Charizard spits hot fire in a literal sense, Scott Steiner did it with the power of Twitter and shoot promos.

Alberto Del Rio is Bulbasaur

There’s a popular theory online about Bulbasaur being the most underrated Pokémon. Hard to disagree. Alberto Del Rio has become the most underrated performer in wrestling. He does just about everything well yet you forget he’s on the show, let alone one of the main champions.

Paul Heyman is Meowth

Best mic skills in the biz. Can get anything across with his words but not so much in the physical battles. Meowth is also known to con to get his way. Shades of Heyman and his running of ECW.

John Cena is Pikachu

The star of the show. The apple of everyone’s eye. Overcomes all the odds and manages to save the day no matter how much is stacked against them. Cena wears a ridiculous bright yellow shirts at times to color code with his spirit Pokémon. Both are popular in the fanfic community.

Randy Orton is Raichu

Kind of like Pikachu/Cena except no one cares about them.

Jim Ross is Metapod

Seems to deal with attack after attack in wrestling and never let if effect him. Dude was bulletproof. Rumors around the internet suggest JR likes “the green” if you get our drift and that’s enough of a similarity for us.

Brad Maddox is Magikarp

Useless. But kind of cute.

Miz is Psyduck

Loves his owner. Looks very confused when thrown into battle. Orange and yellow are next to each other in the Crayola family so we can claim they look alike without being insensitive. Viewers watching Miz are left in as much anger as Misty when Psyduck is sent out to battle. (MizDad is the MUCH more intimidating evolution of Psyduck aka Golduck. Reverse evolving in the Mizanin household?)

Important news about free stuff:

The wrestling t-shirt Pokémon photos were made by the talented @KhrisTheUnicorn. He’s currently giving away $50 of Highspots merch (of your choice!) on Twitter. Follow him and read about it here.

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