Wrestling companies make merchandise. It’s usually pretty bad, but sometimes, it’s terrible. Welcome to The Merch Table.
Every week, @TomBlargh will look at some of the awful merch that someone expects you to buy. Up this week: TNA!
Park, Park & Park Rally Towel
I’m British (I KNOW, CRAZY RIGHT, HAHA OH MAN ALL THE CULTURAL DIFFERENCES) and even though I love Joseph Park, I have NO IDEA what a rally towel is. I’m assuming it’s some American thing? Probably? But look, even though I don’t know what these are, I’m ordering a bunch of them to use as placemats for all my fancy dinner parties.
Having said that, the piece of merchandise this reminds me of most is this – the Tenacious D cum rag.
Yes, I owned one. No, I never used it for its stated purpose and OH MY GOODNESS I am not insinuating that you should use a Joseph Park rally towel for the mopping of bodily fluids. I’M JUST MAKING AN OBSERVATION, GOD. GET OFF MY CASE.
Terrence Taryn Terrell Hot Mess Ladies T-Shirt
“Lucille and Buster simultaneously stumbled upon a term they both recognised would be useful in their future disagreements.”
Jeff Jarrett Autographed Guitar
ShopTNA wanted to offer something a little more special that just a Plain Laser Engraved Guitar so we solicited “The Founder” himself, Jeff Jarrett, for a little help.
Jeff has agreed to make a special trip over to our warehouse to sign as many guitars as we can push in front of him on December 13th. So Order this Autographed guitar today and we will ship on December 14, 2012 in order for it to arrive in time for Christmas.
We do wish everyone the best this Holiday Season!!
First of all, let’s marvel at how timely the TNA product descriptions are. Secondly, even at the sale price of $60 (a full 83% off the RRP of $349.99!), it’s still kind of a lot for an autographed guitar.
HOWEVER, for just $20 extra, you can get Double J to personalise it for you, giving you the chance…
…to finally set some things straight.
Awkward T-Shirt Roundup
The best thing about
TNAShopzone.com TNAShop.com ShopTNA.com is that they get the wrestlers to model the t-shirts in a SUPER AWKWARD WAY. Here are some of my favourites:
Mr Anderson, get your hands out of your pockets when you’re looking at me, you PERVERT.
“Okay, Kurt, for this shot, I need you looking happy and relaxed, okay? Let’s try it out.”
“I… okay, let’s try it again. Just relax, Kurt. Try to look less crazy.”
“No, Kurt, that’s… that’s worse. Let’s try one more.”
well hello yourself Don West
– @TomBlarghWILL return in ‘The Merch Table – JOURNEY TO THE CENTRE OF THE INSANE BROWN BAG SPECIAL’. Until then, be sure to tweet him @TomBlargh or e-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org with any terrible merch scoops.