Many sites have a match of the week but ours is a little different. These matches are the ones that are fun to watch… in the non-traditional way.
This week, we’ve chosen Beer Money vs. LAX vs. Team 3D vs. Abyss & Matt Morgan in a Monster’s Ball Tag Team match from Bound for Glory 2008, with Steve ‘Mongo’ McMichael as the special guest referee. Basically, it’s 28 minutes of madness. Members of the site @TimWelcomed, @typicalROHfan and @TomBlackett give their (lack of) expertise on the action.
Part 1: Bound for Mongo
This is only the FIFTH time a Monster’s Ball had happened, guys. First out is the man, the legend, Steve “Mongo” McM…LOOK AT HIS HAIR. LOOK AT IT. The half jersey/ref shirt looks hideous. But also, look at Mongo’s hair. We get the contestants’ entrances. Just look at Mongo’s hair though.
LAX and Beer Money are the two of the best tag teams in TNA history. Team 3D/The Dudleyz are arguably the most successful tag team in wrestling history. Matt Morgan…………… has had the most failed tag teams in wrestling history. Abyss is wearing white one month after Labor Day. Mongo McMichael has a grandma haircut and a creepy looking half football jersey/half referee shirt. Plus there’s weapons. You just KNOW this is gonna be something special.
As Mongo makes his way down to the ring, Don West asks ‘could this be any more perfect?’ and you know what? I’m not sure it could be. Mongo looks like a middle-aged mother of three, and not the sexy Adam Cole kind. His haircut is amazing. The way he coyly strips out of his top is even better. The glasses come off too, and brother, he’s READY.
Also, with Monster’s Ball, isn’t the deal meant to be that they were kept deprived of sleep and food in a dungeon for a few days before the match? I remember in the early ones, everyone would come down to the ring looking all disorientated and unhappy and that was kinda fun/stupid, but they all look normal(ish) here.
The match begins. This is truly a ball of monsters. LAX and Beer Money are two of my favorite TNA tag teams of all time… there was one other team I loved but I can’t remember the team’s name. Molar City More Teeth Puns? They were dentists from a Mad Max-esque world (or Detroit), I think.
Anywho, Mongo is doing great as a referee. Abyss is bleeding thanks to a cheese grater. This is rare. Matt Morgan is kind of the lamest person in this match. Mongo didn’t want Abyss using the thumbtacks. Mongo is an awful referee, actually. Mongo can not count very well. Confirmed to not have any rhythm, like George Michael’s guilty feet.
Morgan is flying around the arena. There are staples. Don West‘s voice is summoning God. This. Is. Chaos. The match peaks when Beer Money and LAX get the spotlight and then Mongo counts which is really embarrassing for all involved. Mongo spanks Jacqueline because he lives the life that everyone expected for years. Beer Money wins by stealing the win from Team Dudley Brother Boys: Now In 3D.
One of my favorite spots in wrestling history – the LAX dives. Homicide does his dive and gives Don West the highest of high 5’s. Hernandez then does his no rope touching over the top dive landing on his feet and ripping his vest off with intensity Hulk Hogan could only dream of. Today both are in horribly worse tag teams. Like the aftermath of a tag team romance gone wrong.
12 minutes in and we see the world’s WORST referee count by Mongo. Holy shit! Don West calls him out on it. West continues to take shots at Mongo’s counting skills as the match goes on. West was truly the MVP of TNA. Now Mongo is taking weapons away from wrestlers in a match where weapons are encouraged.
Abyss is on fire. Cool.
LAX is starting to get pissed off at Mongo’s ref skills. Mongo now spanks Jacqueline. The grandmother cut has really changed him. Beer Money eventually overcomes the odds of Mongo’s antics and holds on for the victory.
Oh man, this match. It’s amazing, but where to begin? Homicide and Hernandez are immediate heroes, diving out of the ring within a minute or so. There’s a guy who looks an awful like Colt Cabana who rushes to reward Homicide with back pats and high fives after his dive, but I don’t think it’s him – Chicago just has a lot of husky dudes in baseball caps:
It isn’t long before that despicable James Storm challenges Mongo to an ultimate football challenge, but MONGO IS BEST AT FOOTBALL, so Beer Money end up laid out. Bully Ray licking Abyss’ blood off a cheese grater isn’t that fun to watch. Neither is anything Matt Morgan does, whose offence seems to mostly consist of awkward cross body blocks.
It’s Bound for Glory, so Abyss goes through a flaming table. More stuff happens back in the ring, but nothing of note until Mongo becomes Hernandez’s dad and helps him undo a particularly tightly tied bag of thumbtacks. A 3D, an off-camera beer spit and a stolen pin later though, and Beer Money retain.
Part 3: Mongo aftermath.
Don West was right. This couldn’t have been any more perfect.
Imagine how long all matches would be if Mongo was the referee. ROH fans would never complain again!
Mongo absolutely steals the show as the match goes on. He’s so distracting, just standing around and leaning against the ropes doing nothing (aside from occasionally dropping to the mat to do a really slow, weirdly paced three count). Why isn’t he reffing every match?