• WWE Wrestlemania 31 Preview and Predictions

    Wrestlemania is here. We think.

    Giving their thoughts and predictions on what to expect from the PPV are members of the site @JoeySplashwater, @TimWelcomed, @IndianDeathlock and @TomBlargh.

    wm31

    Cesaro and Tyson Kidd vs. The Usos vs. The New Day vs. Los Matadores for the WWE Tag Team Championship on the pre-show

    Joey:

    Cesaro and utility player wrestler with manager vs. The Usos vs. Los Matadores returning to PPV after being non-existent for months vs. a team you won’t remember in a year from now on the pre-show for the tag team titles. Shades of last year. Except less hope for Cesaro. The match should be fine if the Usos are healthy.

    Interest Level: 6/10
    Prediction: Cesaro and Tyson Kidd win.

    Tim:

    Oh damn. It’s time for The T Man to dish out some very self-indulgent hot takes! This should be a good match but it will feel hollow as most WWE tag team matches do. The typical stuff. It’ll be solid. It’ll have some spots we’ve seen a million times before. Cesaro and Tyson Kidd would be a great tag team if being a tag team meant anything in WWE besides “filler.” The Usos are fantastic but we’ve seen them wrestle every combination of these teams so many times. Los Matadores have a horrible gimmick and haven’t really done much lately. I feel awful for The New Day. This is the most pre-show pre-show match you could imagine for Wrestlemania. I think Cesaro and Kidd win here. I’m sure they’ll eventually bring prestige to these belts once and for all if they hold them long enough!

    Interest Level: 5/10
    Prediction: Cesaro and Tyson Kidd win.

    Deathlock:

    This will be fun and get us jazzed for the show. It’ll be fine!

    Interest Level: 6/10 Strong Style Interest Points™
    Prediction: CATS, FACTS, AND MINORU SUZUKI COSPLAY FOR THE WIN.

    Tom:

    It’ll be good, y’know? Y’KNOW? Yeah, you know.

    Interest Level: 5/10
    Prediction: Cesaro and Tyson Kidd win.

    Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal on the pre-show

    Joey:

    Does anyone in the world care about this? Noteworthy predictions: Curtis Axel will be eliminated first. Big Show and Kane will double eliminate each other. Sandow will eliminate Miz. Sheamus returns and wins.

    Interest Level: 2/10
    Prediction: Sheamus wins.

    Tim:

    A ring full of dorks, Sandow, and an NXT guy. GOOD STUFF. Showcase of The Immortals and all of that jazz, ya know? Best case scenario, it ends up with just Sandow and Miz left in the ring leading to Sandow throwing Miz out. Most probable scenario, Sheamus returns and wins.

    Interest Level: 3/10
    Prediction: Sheamus wins.

    Deathlock:

    Hi, I dunno who’s in this match at all. Is this the part where I tell you that If I ran the WWE, Damien Sandow would be on a record-breaking title run right now?

    Interest Level: 5/10
    Prediction: Damien Sandow?

    Tom:

    If they have Sheamus return to win a pre-show battle royal then el oh fucking el, welcome to the Reality Era, fella. I look forward to seeing how the enormous trophy is destroyed.

    Interest Level: 6/10
    Prediction: Mizdow wins.

    AJ Lee and Paige vs. The Bella Twins

    Joey:

    The four noteworthy divas in the company will have a chance this year. This is probably the best divas match option they could have went with to be honest. I think it will be one of the better matches on the show – not sure if that says more about this match or the full card.

    Interest Level: 6/10
    Prediction: AJ and Paige wins.

    Tim:

    I still believe AJ is the best female wrestler in WWE. Paige is wonderful but I still don’t think she’s close to hitting her stride on the main roster and that’s not entirely her fault. Nikki Bella has grown a lot as a personality and a wrestler but I still don’t think she is that wonderful. Brie Bella is Brie Bella. I’ve seen potential in her a lot here and there but it’s a one step forward, two steps back kind of thing with her. Popularity-wise this is definitely the four WWE should showcase at the biggest show of the year. Will it be the best divas match WWE could put on? No way. There’s definitely a chance these four could do something entertaining though.

    Interest Level: 5/10
    Prediction: AJ and Paige win.

    Deathlock:

    Thirty seconds, probably humiliating. It might even just get cut from the show so Triple H’s entrance can go longer.

    Interest Level: -10/10 regular points, 10/10 Strong Style Interest Points™ for Nikki Bella’s elbow.
    Prediction: We all lose.

    Tom:

    “Fearless” Nicole Bella is here to show all you candyasses that girls are doing it for themselves! Holla at your girl! I don’t know, I’m sick of seeing all of these girls compete in various different combinations. It’s all we’ve seen in PPV Divas matches for the last year and I want some variety.

    Interest Level: 3/10
    Prediction: April Jeanette “Ape” Lee-Mendez-Punker-Brooks and Paige win.

    Bad News Barrett vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Stardust vs. R-Truth vs. Luke Harper vs. Daniel Bryan in a Ladder Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship

    Joey:

    It should be great for what it is. Emphasis on “for what it is.” This is WWE’s version of an Ultimate X match. The story and long term effects regarding this match is as much a negative as the fun aspect of it happening is positive. At least it will give us a fun 10 minutes.

    Interest Level: 7/10
    Prediction: R-Truth wins.

    Tim:

    I’ve seen awesome matches from all of these wrestlers throughout their careers. This match will be great with the time allotted but it won’t be what it could be because you know damn well WWE wouldn’t want to give them too much leeway to steal the show. It’s for a pointless belt that history shows us will remain pointless, so excuse my skepticism here. The build-up to this seems like it was created to make goofs of all of these guys. The worst part is that it probably wasn’t. They probably thought the build to this was something good.

    The only thing I can somewhat see them doing here is have Daniel Bryan win. Keep him with this belt for a while and keep him away from the main event scene because his crowd support is a detriment to the main event “stories” they want us to eat up. I want a competitive Lesnar vs Bryan match, damn it! …OH YEAH! This is in my top two most anticipated matches for this show, for what it’s worth.

    Interest Level: 7/10
    Prediction: Daniel Bryan wins.

    Deathlock:

    *clears throat, steps on soapbox, taps microphone*

    Ladies and gentlemen my name is Shelly Deathlock and I believe in the WWE Intercontinental Title. I also haven’t been watching Raw in over a month so I have no idea what is actually going on. I hear it’s bad, but I conveniently ignore that because, as I have noted, my enthusiasm and optimism for Dean Ambrose is a glorious wellspring from which only hope flows. It would only be right and proper for my two favorite wrestlers to strap their respective IC belts around their waists. Dean Ambrose is undefeated at Wrestlemania, and will remain so.

    Interest Level: 10/10 Strong Style Interest Points™
    Prediction: Dean Ambrose is an insane person, does insane things, captures the title, hearts soar, birds sing, maybe he sprouts wings?

    Tom:

    Congratulations to R-Truth for being proof that the WWE is NOT racist and that one African-American man (ONLY ONE, LET’S NOT GET CRAZY) is talented enough to compete on the grandest stage of them all. This will probably be the most fun match of the night, in terms of stuff happening in-ring. Hopefully none of these turds kill each other.

    Interest Level: 8/10
    Prediction: Daniel Bryan wins.

    Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins

    Joey:

    Long match that will bore most until the hot ending with a cool RKO out of nowhere. *** 3/4.

    Interest Level: 4/10
    Prediction: Randy Orton wins.

    Tim:

    Not even Seth Rollins can save Randy Orton matches. It’s going to be a snoozer but Rollins will try his hardest.

    Interest Level: 2/10
    Prediction: Randy Orton wins.

    Deathlock:

    I LOVE BORING WRESTLING. I am also not being sarcastic. Assuming Randy Orton works a chinlock on Rollins for ten minutes and then Rollins tries a Phoenix Splash somehow and misses, I’m good. Or, oh god, a Phoenix Splash into an RKO? Jesus Christ call the fire marshall!

    Interest Level: 7/10 Strong Style Interest Points™
    Prediction: Randy Orton wins but then, like, why? I don’t even know.

    Tom:

    It feels like this has already happened three times.

    Interest Level: 4/10
    Prediction: Randy Orton wins.

    John Cena vs. Rusev for the WWE United States Championship

    Joey:

    This should be the match of the night. The last segment I saw of RAW in real time was John Cena beating down Rusev until Rusev agreed to the match which was very good. Their last match at the February PPV was outstanding. I’m looking forward to this quite much! Cena should win this one then lose the rubber match at Extreme Rules.

    Interest Level: 9/10
    Prediction: John Cena wins.

    Tim:

    I love Rusev but I’ve hated most of his storylines. This one was no different and that turns me off of it. I think the match could be good. It depends on which Cena we get out there. “Standard” Cena or “Trying To Prove Something” Cena.  This build has made me dislike the John Cena character on a whole new level. I am not excited about Rusev losing here as he is on such a roll as a heat-seeking force of destruction. I’m really worried this will set him back like losing to Cena last year set the inferior Bray Wyatt back for a while.

    Interest Level: 6/10
    Prediction: John Cena wins.

    Deathlock:

    RUSEV IS SO GOOD IT IS KIND OF AMAZING, THIS WILL PROBABLY BE GOOD I AM VERY EXCITED FOR IT.

    Interest Level: 11/10 Strong Style Interest Points™
    Prediction: lol cena wins (but that’s okay though, let’s have more Cena/Rusev matches)

    Tom:

    This whole storyline has been mad and LOOK, I know he’ll probably lose but hopefully “The Bulgarian Beast” does something truly dreadful to the United States of America during this match to a) amuse me and b) justify Cena acting such a dick lately, because he really has been just the least sympathetic man on the planet. It’s possible I’m biased because I am a proud immigrant brother of Rusev, but whatever, what-fucking-ever.

    Also, maybe Rusev doesn’t lose? Think about that. Think about the Russian flag flying proudly at Wrestlemania. I’m already crying (happy tears of pride).

    Interest Level: 10/10
    Prediction: Rusev wins.

    The Undertaker vs. Bray Wyatt

    Joey:

    I don’t really care too much about this but there is a mystery intrigue involved in how Undertaker will look. I think Bray Wyatt will get the win here with the story being ‘Taker has “lost it” and needs to save his Wrestlemania legacy by winning one more WM match at Wrestlemania 32 vs. John Cena to end his career.

    Interest Level: 5/10
    Prediction: Bray Wyatt wins.

    Tim:

    I’m mostly interested in seeing what kind of shape The Undertaker is in. That’s probably not good, right? I don’t really know why this is happening. “I’m more creepy than you” is a good reason for The Undertaker to come back after last year? It was all just more Bray Wyatt bullshit and then some really corny theatrics. The burning chair would’ve been cool had everything surrounding it not been hilariously bad. I’m guessing Bray Wyatt wins here because why not? The Undertaker doesn’t need the win. I doubt the match will be anything special.

    Interest Level: 4/10
    Prediction: Bray Wyatt wins.

    Deathlock:

    Are we sure the Undertaker is showing up?

    Interest Level: 2/10 Strong Style Interest Points™ (sorry my brother in Nakamuraness)
    Prediction: Undertaker wins. This is just for fun, not for any actual reasons.

    Tom:

    I don’t care, soz.

    Interest Level: 3/10
    Prediction: The Undertaker wins.

    Sting vs. Triple H

    Joey:

    In watching the last two weeks of Sting segments before writing this, WWE has done a great job getting Sting back to looking like an attraction after some really tough segments. Triple H has been on fire as a performer over the last year with stepping it up in big matches. This will be a big test for Hunter but I have faith it will deliver. If Roman Reigns is winning the title, I would consider putting this as the main event to avoid an ugly ending to the show, especially with Sting already getting a peak from the crowd.

    Interest Level: 9/10
    Prediction: Sting wins.

    Tim:

    While I’m still not convinced WWE has any clue who the Sting character is outside of “baseball bat,” I think they’ve corrected  this ship pretty well over the last two weeks. It’s easy to make fun of Sting after his time in TNA but this is really pretty mind-blowing. He’s actually going to wrestle at Wrestlemania against someone who might be able to take him through a good match. I’m going to let myself enjoy this as a lifelong fan even though his new theme music sucks hard. PLEASE DON’T WRESTLE IN THE SHIRT.

    Interest Level: 9/10
    Prediction: Sting wins.

    Deathlock:

    I’m pretty excited for this. Sting at a Wrestlemania is just a thing you couldn’t even begin to imagine in 1994 and now it’s happening. They’ll book this right and it’ll be solid — these guys are legends, they aren’t gonna fuck it up. It’ll be fun.

    Interest Level: 10/10 King’s Road Interest Points™
    Prediction: Sting wins.

    Tom:

    If he doesn’t yell “IT’S SHOWTIME” during this match then I think we can all agree that Sting’s entire career was a failure. I think this will be surprisingly adequate and I also think that Triple H’s Terminator: Genisys entrance will be fucking stupid in the best way imaginable.

    Interest Level: 7/10
    Prediction: The Stingman wins.

    Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns for the WWE World Championship

    Joey:

    Brock Lesnar re-signing with WWE has given me hope for more excitement in this match. I think the time is now to have Lesnar become the face of the WWE and have him win here. If you eliminate his pointless RAW dates where he stands in the ring for 3 minutes while Heyman talks, you can have him appear on every PPV.

    That being said, I predict Roman Reigns is winning clean and Seth Rollins will cash in to win the title. I can’t see them quitting on Reigns given he’s been protected more than any wrestler this early in his career. I also can’t see them ending the show with him being booed out of the building.

    Interest Level: 7/10
    Prediction: Roman Reigns defeats Brock Lesnar. Seth Rollins successfully cashes in his MITB to become WWE Champion.

    Tim:

    I’m not looking forward to this match. I am looking forward to the crowd reactions though. It’s been a bumpy ride to this and I’m just ready for it to be over with. Lesnar re-signing did ad a small bit of intrigue to this as it needed some unpredictability. There’s a few ways this could go. I don’t think Reigns needs to win. I feel like it’s time for Rollins to cash in and win the title but then again, why waste what you have with Lesnar right now?

    To have someone beat the monster who has defeated The Streak and then have someone beat that guy with a cash-in would kind of kill the moment… but then again, it would be wasted on Reigns anyway. I DON’T KNOW. This is very tiring. I kind of think the belt should stay with Lesnar at this point and that sucks for Rollins. They have to get the cash-in done sometime soon. This has been nothing but one huge mess after another. Anyway, this is 2015 WWE so I’m going with the worst possible scenario. Reigns beats Lesnar for the title. Rollins cashes in. Reigns beats Rollins to retain. They let the people boo.

    Interest Level: 5/10
    Prediction: Roman Reigns wins.

    Deathlock:

    I had an absolute meltdown on Twitter when I saw the end of Raw this week, so I don’t even care. I hope the company collapses and every ex-employee finds a lovely well paying job, spends time with family, lives a long healthy life. Maybe they’ll take up new hobbies and respectable vocations like writing, weaving, making music, or gardening. We’ll all remember when wrestling was good in America and it’ll be a nice time. Maybe we can have tea together and talk about it. Monday nights are freed up for worthwhile pursuits like video games and sex.

    Interest Level: crying/10
    Prediction: Crying.

    Tom:

    Mostly in this one for the crowd and how mad / overbooked the finish is likely to be. Thank God Brock’s sticking around. Hopefully we can all look back on this in a few years time and laugh heartily.

    Interest Level: 6/10
    Prediction: Brock wins.