WWE Fastlane Preview and Predictions

“Fastlane is one word, pal.” – Vince McMahon

Giving their thoughts and predictions on what to expect from the PPV are members of the site @JoeySplashwater, @TimWelcomed, @IndianDeathlock and @TomBlargh.

The Usos w/Naomi vs. Cesaro and Tyson Kidd w/Nattie for the WWE Tag Team Championship

Joey:

Cesaro and Tyson Kidd are obviously excellent. The Usos are probably the most underrated wrestlers in WWE right now. Naomi and Nattie are doing good work adding to this feud. I love this. I understand there will probably be a 4 team tag title match at Wrestlemania to get more people on the card but I’d love for these to have a straight up rematch on Wrestlemania with 5-10 minutes to steal the show. This will likely be the match of the night.

Interest Level: 9/10
Prediction: The Usos win.

Tim:

This is WWE Fastlane. It’s all about revving engines the engines of the WWE Universe and I definitely think this match-up between these speedsters will do just that! The Usos are like NASCAR cars (NASCARS? Is that the thing?) They are fun to watch and fast but definitely have some restrictor plates holding them back and keeping them the on same level as the others. Tyson Kid is like a fast car. He’s really good and entertaining. Cesaro is a classic muscle car that only gets better with time. I think I may have mixed up muscle cars and wine there but I’m sticking with it. This will be a fun match.

Interest Level: 7/10
Prediction: Cesaro and Tyson Kidd win.

Deathlock:

AWESOME. As much as it feels like “Oh, another Usos match” (the tag team problem in WWE is not the Usos’ fault) every time an Usos match happens, this one will be fun. That segment in the restaurant when Nattie and Naomi were trying to go on a double date was the best piece of non-ring programming on WWE television in a decade. “I thought you meant like Canadian doubles in tennis.” “You gotta tell me that Japan story.” “Fact. We don’t have some stupid catch phrase.” “Come on, nobody likes what the Usos do.”  BRAWL. Why does Jimmy call everyone Uce? What does that mean? Enlighten me, internet. If the match is half as good as this segment, it’s five stars.

Interest Level: 8/10
Prediction: TAKE IT, CESAROGUN.

Tom:

First of all, the name of the show is “WWE Race Cars”, get it right! Also, is this on the preshow or the main show? I’ve not been paying attention at all, oh well.

Anyway, Cesaro and old Tyson Kidd are a good laugh, though The Usos… well, The Usos remain The Usos. That’s not a diss, I like them! It’s just tough to work up energy for their matches right now, though Naomi being added as their manager is p. good stuff. She seems like a lovely girl.

Interest Level: 7/10
Prediction: The Usos win.

Goldust vs. Stardust

Joey:

I’ve enjoyed the hell out of this feud and think the match should be very good. I know many are hoping they would get a singles match at Wrestlemania but that doesn’t seem likely giving the few singles match spots on the card. They should do something cool here with enough time.

Interest Level: 8/10
Prediction: Stardust wins.

Tim:

Ah, another match for for THE FASTLANE. This one is going to be like two cars made in the same factory but one got a pain job and thinks he is hot shit when in fact he is a painted up doofus with no direction. Typical car story, honestly. I’m looking forward to this but hoping they stretch it out to Wrestlemania. This has been CENTURIES in the making so it deserves a big finale and then Goldust can retire for good. The story is starting to form here and hopefully it keeps getting more interesting between these two.

Interest Level: 8/10
Prediction: Goldust wins.

Deathlock:

I’m very concerned about many things related to this since I take wrestling so seriously that I should probably be in therapy. What is going to happen with Goldust if he loses? What is going to happen to Goldust if he wins? Isn’t it amazing that we have a Goldust singles match in 2015? Isn’t Goldust one of the most underrated performers of the past ever? The answer to all of these things is yes. What is Stardust? How is Stardust? Are we Stardust?

Interest Level: 9/10
Prediction: Yes.

Tom:

I’ve somehow managed to miss all the build for this. Is it happening on Smackdown, mostly? Is this one of those Smackdown things? I’ve also been skipping large chunks of Raw lately because I get pretty tired.

Interest Level: 6/10
Prediction: Man, I’m tired.

Seth Rollins, Big Show and Kane vs. Dolph Ziggler, Ryback and Erick Rowan

Joey:

Poor Seth Rollins. Expecting a Randy Orton return.

Interest Level: 2/10
Prediction: The J.O.B. Squad 2.0 is gonna win.

Tim:

Vroom vroom! Haha, yeah this one is going to suck. Get rid of the big boring men.
Interest Level: 1/10
Prediction: Dolph Ziggler, Ryback, and Erick Rowan win.

Deathlock:

I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.

Interest Level: 1/10
Prediction: Bathroom break.

Tom:

WELCOME TO RAW! IS! RACE CARS!

Interest Level: 3/10
Prediction: Rollins and his pals win.

Bad News Barrett vs. Dean Ambrose for the WWE Intercontinental Championship

Joey:

Both of these guys are very talented but the Intercontinental title is such a kiss of death. I hope Dean Ambrose turns heel soon and they stop making him do Gallagher-style comedy. Barrett also should be in a better spot. Hopefully both are on the up following Wrestlemania when the show is sort of in reset mode. It’s time to retire the Intercontinental belt. I view Goldust/Stardust and Miz/Mizdow as bigger deals than this match due to the belt harm.

Interest Level: 2/10
Prediction: Bad News Barrett wins.

Tim:

Keeping the theme of FASTLANE, this one will be one hell of a ride. You have two awesome wrestlers who are horribly misused fighting over a belt that will only cause them more grief. It should be a good match though. Reminds me of when Danny Sullivan won the CART PPG Indy Car World Series at Pocono in 1989.

Interest Level: 6/10
Prediction: Dean Ambrose wins.

Deathlock:

I don’t know if I’ve been able to reflect this yet here at Wrestling on Earth, but Dean Ambrose is my favorite wrestler in the US right now, and he’ll probably be one of my favorites of all time. The week after he debuted on WWE TV I started a savings account so I can attend his eventual Hall of Fame induction (this is not a joke). I feel his predestination for greatness in my soul and there is nothing, not even the WWE crumbling all around him, that can shake my confidence in his future. I wish you could experience something akin to the endlessly deep well of enthusiasm and optimism I have re: Dean Ambrose. It’s a beautiful comfort in hard wrestling times like these. Oh, and the match will probably be fine.

Interest Level: 11/10
Prediction: Hopefully Dean leaves with some white leather around his waist.

Tom:

I like old Bad News Barrett! “Dirty” Dean Ambrose is in a WEIRD SPOT right now. His time as a PPV main eventer seems very long ago, he’s just all about the shenanigans these days. Anyway, this should be pretty decent, even if I have literally no idea why these two are scrapping. I should probably start watching more WWE television if I’m going to keep writing these!

Interest Level: 7/10
Prediction: Bad News Barrett wins because of some manner of interference at the end.

Nikki Bella vs. Paige for the WWE Divas Championship

Joey:

I’m more interested in this than I usually am in the monthly Bella title match. They’ve done a good job making Paige a sympathetic babyface, a role she hasn’t shined in before this. I still can’t get too interested in a Nikki Bella match but I have some hope. The Bellas will lose for their VERY controversial NXT comments.

Interest Level: 6/10
Prediction: Paige wins.

Tim:

I don’t know. This sure reminds me of race cars. I’ll tell you that much. I see this potentially being a match that a lot of people shit on and me thinking “that wasn’t really bad at all.” Maybe I don’t know shit though. Maybe I am a fraud. I think MAYBE these two will deliver a match worthy of a Wrestlemania event held atop Mt. Olympus. Probably not that good… but it I am interested.

Interest Level: 7/10
Prediction: Paige wins.

Deathlock:

I can’t remember how Nikki and Paige work in the ring together — is it good? — maybe I still can’t tell the Bellas apart. In any case, they’re both improving a lot and shining bits of competence and excitement have been coming through even on main roster women’s matches. Maybe this will be good.

Interest Level: 5/10
Prediction: Nikki Bella retains.

Tom:

“Fearless” Nicole Bella is a future Hall of Famer and yes, that is a shoot.

Interest Level: 4/10
Prediction: Nikki probably wins but this ain’t over! Not by a long shot!

Rusev vs. John Cena for the United States Championship

Joey:

I love both guys and do believe they can have a great match but they have their work cut out for them. Between the “old man Cena” storyline and having to likely run this into Wrestlemania, I think Rusev has to pin Cena on this show. Any other result and you’re going into Wrestlemania with a weak story. For the story of Cena proving himself, you need him to lose to a good heel especially now before overcoming. They can’t drop the ball here.

Interest Level: 6/10
Prediction: Rusev wins.

Tim:

“TWO MONSTER TRUCKS LOOKING TO CAUSE SOME DAMAGE BUT ONE HAS AN OLD ENGINE” is the official WWE tagline for this one and I think it is pretty fitting. This is one of those matches that should be very easy to do right but WWE will most likely fuck up supremely. Hopefully that is not the case. Rusev needs the win here if they’re taking it to Wrestlemania where Cena will take the air out of Rusev’s sails.

Interest Level: 7/10
Prediction: Rusev wins.

Deathlock:

I’m not paying any attention at all to whatever is going on here except that Rusev cuts some bad ass promos you guys and he’s good in the ring and his energy is infectious and he’s great and this match could be great though I doubt they’ll give it their best effort since it’s, come on, the US Title and February. Fine will be good enough and I’m sure this will meet expectations.

Interest Level: 7/10
Prediction: Rusev wins, but maybe not clean. Sup Lana.

Tom:

FUCK YES. I love Rusev and I love Cena and I can’t wait for this. Yes, it’ll probably be angle-heavy and result in a rematch being necessary but FUCK IT, I LOVE RUSEV. RUSEEEEEEEV.

Interest Level: 10/10
Prediction: Rusev wins.

Sting meets Triple H face to face

Joey:

I don’t know, (wo)man. I loved Sting but I can’t get into this. Whenever I hear the crow sound effect, I just cringe. I think I will be more excited when the match actually happens but for this, not so much.

Interest Level: 4/10
Prediction: They make the match for Wrestlemania official. Sting’s awful theme makes ears bleed.

Tim:

They really haven’t done much to make Sting feel like a big deal. His corny WWE theme, the fake Sting, and such. It all just kind of hurts this for me and that really stinks. Maybe this will be where things spice up.

Interest Level: 5/10
Prediction: The match becomes official. If Sting wins he gets to run Raw.

Deathlock:

They couldn’t do this on Raw? The Network and WWE trying to adjust their business model to make any goddamn sense at all is really messing up what I’ve become comfortable expecting from wrestling for 20 years.

Interest Level: 1/10
Prediction: Caw.

Tom:

I’m excited to see if Sting says “it’s showtime!” and ruins EVERYTHING.

Interest Level: 6/10
Prediction: IT’S SHOWTIME! THE INSANE ICON IS HERE!

Roman Reigns vs. Daniel Bryan for the Wrestlemania title shot

Joey:

The excellent closing segment on Monday sold me on this match. I’m fearing we have a fake-out here. While Roman Reigns is acting like a heel, I think he’s still going to win this match and faces Brock Lesnar in a singles. The Sheamus video packages without a return date listed has me terrified he’s costing Daniel Bryan the match on Sunday setting a program between the two at Wrestlemania. Sigh. I hope I’m wrong.

If Daniel Bryan gets a very good to great singles match out of Roman Reigns, he’s the greatest wrestler of all time.

Interest Level: 9/10
Prediction: Roman Reigns wins. 🙁

Tim:

This is such a mess. WWE fucked up with who won the Rumble and then had to fix it AGAIN except this time they made the beloved character kind of an entitled ass and the one forced down our throats continues to be THE WORST. It is a very bad situation and no one wins here except maybe the Wrestlemania main event which may have a glimmer of good stuff in it thanks to Bryan and Lesar finally facing off. A one-on-one between the two would’ve been way more pleasing. WWE can not write anything in a satisfactory way. It’s nuts. Oh well. Here we are. I’m nervous they’re going to go with Reigns here but maybe they’ll end it in a tie somehow leading to the three way at Wrestlemania. That’s what I have to hope for here.

If Bryan wins I get my dream match but I think there would be some backlash from a segment of fans about Reigns losing his title shot from the Royal Rumble and it’s very hard for me to think it is okay to make the Royal Rumble look pointless at this time. WWE writing! We’ll at least get to see Daniel Bryan take on his hardest task yet. Getting a good match out of Reigns. I will say the final Raw segment between these two got across a certain vibe I think they should have been trying to get across since the night after the Rumble.

Interest Level: 9/10
Prediction: Both men knock each other out and can’t get up before the 10 count.

Deathlock:

The last time I sat here at my keyboard typing IT’S ALL GONNA BE FINE DON’T WORRY THEY CAN’T POSSIBLY BE AS STUPID AS WE THINK THEY ARE, the Royal Rumble happened and it was the worst thing ever in the history of anything. So now I won’t sit here and tell you it’ll be fine — I’ll tell you to steel yourself for the absolute worst: Roman Reigns obliterating Daniel Bryan, winning cleanly, and going on to face Brock Lesnar one-on-one at Wrestlemania, and there’s nothing you or I or anyone can do about it.

Interest Level: 10/10
Prediction: Reigns wins, every PPV name for the next 10 years is a “Reign” or “Roman” pun, every PPV poster features Roman’s image, the WWE Network is rebranded as the WWE Network Starring Roman Reigns.

Tom:

HEY DUMMIES, ROMAN REIGNS IS STILL IN THIS MATCH, STOP GETTING EXCITED FOR IT. P.S. I AM THE BIG DOG.

Interest Level: 6/10
Prediction: Roman Reigns wins.