The WWF Cookbook is a treasure trove of crazy recipes from the Attitude Era, each of which is purportedly the creation of one of the wrestlers. In Wrestling With Food, Sydney is on a mission to try cooking all of them to see if any are actually edible.
So many things happened on Sunday, guys. 1) My little nephew stood on his own and smiled at me 2) the Royal Rumble was super exciting and worth watching and 3) we learned how to make at-home Taco Bell, by way of the good Sgt. Slaughter.
Okay, only two of those things are true. Let’s get going to find out which ones!
We were going over to my brother’s house to watch the Rumble, and it only seemed right to bring something, and since it WAS a wrestling event, why not subject him to this horrible and amazing endeavor? After going through the cookbook, Sgt. Slaughter’s Mess Hall Dip seemed to be the most appropriate
4 tablespoons garlic butter
2½ – 3lbs ground sirloin
Salt to taste
Pepper to taste
3 (10½ ounce) cans Hormel (or equivalent) no-bean chili
2 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese (or reduced-fat cream cheese)
3 cups (12 oz) shredded mild cheddar cheese
12 oz sour cream (or more if desired)
Black olives (optional)
Sarge informs us that this feeds a platoon, and since there were basically 4 of us possibly eating this, I made exactly 1/3 this amount, but probably went a little butter and cheese heavy because I think that’s what God intended.
Note: The directions below in quotations are all in Sarge’s “own words”, as they were printed in the cookbook. HE IS A VERY AGGRESSIVE MAN.
1. “In a large frying pan, melt the garlic butter over medium-low heat. Add the sirloin and brown it thoroughly, adding salt and pepper to your liking. Take the pan off the heat and drain the grease from it, then put it back on the stove and give me twenty!”
I did not drop and give him twenty. I feel like I could have MAYBE given him between five and seven actual push-ups but, unless Sarge is cool with modified half-assed push-ups, this step of the recipe would have otherwise taken forever.
FYI, I did not buy garlic butter because we had regular butter in the house. I did shake some garlic salt up in there (just a smidgen) and I know it’s not the same thing! But, it’s what I had, and honestly, I don’t think it was going to make a HUGE difference. You guys that have tested the before though–let me know if it really does!
2. “Now snap back to your feet and stir the chili into the ground sirloin over medium heat. Add the cream cheese and stir. Have I made myself clear? Good, then carry on! Add the shredded cheese to the sirloin mixture, stirring until it’s melted. (if the cheeses aren’t melting fast enough, turn off the heat, maggot, but keep stirring so that it doesn’t scorch.).”
I chose to use the extra hot version of the chili, guys. Mainly because they didn’t have a regular version. Also, “maggot”, Sarge? In the words of Stephanie Tanner, HOW RUDE. Would you say that to Steve Blackman? I don’t think so.
3. “While you’re waiting for everything to cook, ask yourself “Have I ever dug a foxhole?” Good, how deep? When all the cheese is melted, empty the mixture into a large bowl and smooth it with a spoon. Let it set for 10-12 minutes and let the top of the dip harden.”
This is quite the introspective recipe. I have never dug a foxhole, but I did wonder (for 10-12 minutes) how this was going to taste because visually, it is not appetizing at all. Also, for a few of those 10-12 minutes, I did wonder how healthy it was to let something made of meat and cheese harden, but then time was up and it was on to the sour cream!
4. “Spread the sour cream (after the 10-12 minutes, remember?) (Note from Sydney: YES I DO, I JUST WROTE IT) over the top of the dip with a spoon. You can decorate the sour cream with black olives, I usually spell out “Mess Hall Dip” on mine.”
On ours, I did not do any such thing because I hate olives. I did lovingly spread the sour cream on this meat and cheese cake, though.
5. “Serve with tortilla chips or corn chips. I like to use round white corn chips (not too salty).”
We used Mission tortilla chips which are plenty salty, because I just like to let my ankles swell.
Guys, this was pretty good! Like, definitely has the potential to make you feel gross if you eat too much of it, but I happily munched away for a while. Tom said it tasted like Taco Bell, but clarified that wasn’t a bad thing. Tom once ordered all the items off the dollar menu at the TB, so he knows what he’s talking about. I will probably make this again for the Super Bowl. Even though I’m really only in it for the Puppy Bowl.
My star rating: 3½ out of 5 stars.
Comments from Tom:
When I first saw Sarge’s dip with all the cream smothered all over it… man, I wasn’t too sure if I would be into this because it did NOT look appetizing. However, like Sydney said, it tastes EXACTLY like Taco Bell which I am NOT complaining about.
My star rating: 4½ out of 5 stars.
Until next time, friends! For those of you who have made this, tweet me at @Sydneyb79 and let me know if the garlic butter really is the key to the whole thing.