• Wrestling With Food: Oatmeal Cookies a la Road Dogg

    The WWF Cookbook is a treasure trove of crazy recipes from the Attitude Era, each of which is purportedly the creation of one of the wrestlers. In Wrestling With Food, Sydney is on a mission to try cooking all of them to see if any are actually edible.

    road-dogg-600

    WARNING: THIS ONE IS A RAMBLER.

    So guys, you know what is really hard to do in the summer? Motivate yourself to turn on the oven and make the kitchen even hotter. None of the mains seemed appealing this round (though I will definitely make Grand Master Sexay’s Sweet Potato Casserole once it’s seasonably appropriate.)

    Speaking of, just as soon as I typed that, I wondered that happened to him. Wikipedia tells me he was released from WWE for trying to bring drugs across the Canadian/US border? Oh, wrestlers! But he’s been clean since last year, so good on him. (NOTE FROM TOM: I’ll tell Syd later about the various other unpleasant rumours involving Brian Christopher, just to make sure she’s not under the pretence that he’s an okay guy).

    Anyway, so dessert it was! Up for review would be Road Dogg’s Oatmeal Cookies. For whatever reason, Road Dogg was one of my favorites back in the day. Was it his bucket hats? His white man braids? I honestly couldn’t tell you. But I always found him (and Billy Gunn) to be the most entertaining part of DX. Sure, you have HBK moonsaulting his sweet born-again Christian ass off, but that little two step dance that Mr. James did was ever so endearing. Before this article turns even MORE into my stream of consciousness, let’s get going!

    The ingredients:

    road-dogg-ingredients

    1 cup flour

    ½ teaspoon baking powder

    ½ teaspoon baking soda

    ¼ teaspoon salt

    ¼ cup shortening

    4 tablespoons (½ stick) butter or margarine

    ½ cup granulated sugar, plus more for dipping (optional)

    ⅓ cup backed brown sugar

    1 egg

    2 tablespoons milk

    ½ teaspoon vanilla

    1 cup quick rolled oats

    ¼ cup chopped walnuts

    Sure, two types of sugar, two types of fat. Par for the course for the WWF cookbook!

    The process:

    1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.  (Easy enough, starting off well!)

    2. In a small bowl, stir together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.

    poweder

    Just what it looks like, a bowl of white stuff. Now, if you are like me, you stare at the bowl and try to remember if you had added both the baking powder and the baking soda. And if you didn’t, which one did you forget? Minutes will pass, and you’ll assume you added both (you did) and go on with your life.

    3. In a mixer bowl, beat the shortening and butter for 30 seconds. (This looked very gross, and of course I forgot to take a picture. I should be fired from my illustrious position at Wrestling On Earth, because my standards have fallen very far!)

    Add the granulated sugar and brown sugar and beat until fully. Add the egg, milk, and vanilla. Beat well. (Thankfully, once I added all this stuff, it started looking more like dough, and less gross.)

    4. Add the flour mixture to the butter mixture, beating until well combined. Stir in the oats and walnuts.

    5. Chill the dough for two hours (BUT EXCUSE ME, YOU HAD ME PRE-HEAT THE OVEN, ROAD DOGG. HOW LONG DO YOU THINK MY OVEN TAKES? GOD) then form into 1 inch balls. Dip the tops of the balls into granulated sugar, if desired.

    ***INTERMISSION***

    You’ll be relieved to know I stopped pre-heating my oven during this two hour break because I’m not an idiot, and went to help my parents with some yard work. There, I saw my first grub, DESTROYER OF GRASS.

    grub

    I wasn’t sure what to do with it, so I asked myself, “what would Steve Blackman do?” Ultimately, I determined that the Lethal Weapon would probably call out his father to show him said grub, move the grub onto the sidewalk with a stick and then jump back comically when the grub suddenly moved.

    Lawn hijinx aside, I headed back in to to wash my hands and form some dough. Tom helped out at this point, dipping each one into sugar. (NOTE FROM TOM: Confirmed, I was very helpful.)

    ***END OF INTERMISSION***

    6. Place the balls on a greased cookie sheet, and bake for 10-12 minutes until baked through but NOT golden.

    Enjoy the dramatically lit yet-to-be-baked cookies below.

    cookies-oven

    I found the warning against “golden” to be a little odd, but also burned part of one batch, so I guess there’s something to be said for pale cookies!

    ET VOILA. Beautiful cookies, fresh from the oven, just like Mama Dogg used to make.

    cookies-pan

    The verdict:

    Me:

    These were perfectly fine. They didn’t taste particularly oat-y OR sweet, which was interesting. But I think the walnut-to-dough ratio was a little low and they needed…something else. Raisins? So predictable, though. In any rate, perfectly edible, I give them a 3.

    My star rating: 3 out of 5 stars.

    Comments from Tom:

    They were decent. Certainly not up there with The Rock’s Favorite Chocolate Chip Cookies and could have used another cup of oatmeal / walnuts to make them a little more interesting and texture-y but… man, I just like cookies, so I still enjoyed them plenty.

    Tom’s star rating: 3¾ out of 5 stars.

    TIL NEXT TIME AMERICA. Tweet me @Sydneyb79 with your comments or suggestions for any future recipes!

    – Look out for another Wrestling With Food soon, or check the Wrestling With Food archives for a full rundown of all the recipes covered so far. In the meantime, you can follow Sydney on Twitter.