Shelly Deathlock cares too much about Japanese wrestling and, as Captain of the S.S. Strong Style, she’s here to welcome you on board and fill you in on what’s going on in the world of puro. She doesn’t even LIKE cake.
Readers, it’s a sad time here at Wrestling on Earth. I let slip that I was baking a cake for my husband for Valentine’s Day so he wouldn’t be too upset with me for making him wake up at 4 AM for NJPW’s New Beginning in Sendai show.
This prompted self-described puro expert and feminist Tom Blargh to issue a mandate:
If you're associated with @WrestlingEarth and you make ANY dessert without documenting it/naming it after a wrestler, I call the police.
— Tom aka The Big Dog™ (@TomBlargh) February 14, 2015
Fearing for my position as Captain here aboard the S.S. Strong Style and what kind of mutiny Tom might stage if I didn’t comply, let me painstakingly document this cake process for you. I whipped it up in the, uh, mess hall? of the Strong Style, so excuse the horrible lighting, my phone’s camera, and, well, you know, everything, really.
NOTE FROM TOM: This is Wrestling On Earth’s VERY FIRST mash-up feature, combining elements from both the S.S. Strong Style and my wife’s own Wrestling With Food. The ultimate goal is for every post on this site to feature a wrestler-themed recipe and what a time to be alive that will be.
The Kudome Valentine Cake
What else would I name a Valentine’s day cake after? Megumi Kudo is a joshi wrestler who was active in FMW in the 90’s. If you want to know some more about that, check out Danielle Matheson’s excellent piece Searching for the Innovators of Violence.
As for the finisher that bears her name:
Step 1: First you make a cake, okay, it’s not really hard.
I used the Bob’s Red Mill gluten free vanilla cake mix because I am 1) gluten free, and 2) lazy. I followed the preparation instructions which were not difficult or confusing or amusing in any way, really, and out came two beautiful 9-inch cakes to layer. I did put a bunch of food coloring in them. It’s pretty.
Step 2: Then you gather up the things you need to make a buttercream frosting.
You don’t actually need the Harpoon cider, that was just so I didn’t feel like I was wasting my entire Friday night baking a cake (spoiler alert: I was). Those little metal and plastic things are decorating tips.
Step 3: Make the buttercream frosting.
I used this recipe because it’s all butter, no shortening. Nobody is surprised that the S.S. Strong Style is an all-butter type of ship. If Shinsuke Nakamura weren’t Strong Style personified, butter would be. Tomohiro Ishii is butter personified, so this works on all levels.
Step 4: Make it gorgeous.
I colored the frosting (pink! blue! yellow! IT IS SPRINGTIME, DEAR GOD BLIZZARD PLEASE STAY AWAY), and iced the cake!
I am nothing if not equal parts fearless (except I’m afraid of The Big Dog Tom Blargh) and stupid (I’m afraid of Tom, for crying out loud), so I decided to try making roses out of buttercream to decorate the cake for the first time ever. Kind of like how my first knitting project was a lace scarf. Jesus, have I womaned-up Wrestling on Earth enough for one day? No? Okay!
It was pretty difficult but it’s not a disaster and hey, it’s still made of sugar.
Step 5: Eat the cake.
The Important News
Since joining up here, all my articles have been about men’s wrestling. I love men’s wrestling. I’d never say “There’s too much men’s wrestling” — that would be like saying “There’s too much butter” — just no, what, are you crazy. However, for the month of March, I’m only going to watch matches that have women in them.
There are some exceptions — I’ll watch live shows, on pay per view or in person, and you bet your ass I’ll watch the 3/15 NOAH show because WHAT IF MINORU SUZUKI WINS THE GHC HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP? Plus he’s basically a joshi wrestler, though not an actual woman.
I generally spend a lot of time even outside of live or important shows watching mostly men’s wrestling, since it dominates the landscape of what I’m interested in. However, I have a fifteen disc Manami Toyota comp that isn’t going to watch itself, people, and there’s so much amazing joshi I haven’t seen so look out for THAT and follow me on Twitter @IndianDeathlock if you want to see how it goes!