All the world’s a stage and pro wrestlers on Twitter are merely players.
I’ve found that reading certain wrestlers interact on Twitter to be as fascinating as any form of entertainment so we had to put it all together with a ribbon and bow. Not literally. You get NO ribbons or bows. Sorry.
Today, we look at the greatness that was Angle vs. Wahidi. There’s no way to give these two a worthy introduction so we’re gonna jump right in!
Act I: When Kurt Met Wafi
The story starts with Kurt Angle simply wanting to talk to Wafi Wahidi. Kurt gets off on the wrong foot by spelling Wafi’s name incorrectly. Would Wafi take this lightly?
Kurt now spells his own twitter name (at the time, AngleFoods1) incorrectly. I want to believe Wahidi demanded this in their business relationship agreement. Call him back, Wafi!
Kurt starts a Thank You Wafi chant behind his computer desk. AngleFitness Apps coming soon.
Act II: Overly-Attached Kurt
No one ignores Kurt’s emails and gets away with it…. Kurt calls out Wafi!
Passive aggressive greeting! That’s so Kurt. Please note this tweet is sent literally an hour after the one asking about emails.
Passive-aggressive Kurt turns into desperate Kurt. We find out Olympic gold medalists DO practice manners when in full panic mode. Please keep reading! Please!
Passive-aggressive Kurt + desperate Kurt = overly-attached Kurt.
The most pleasant Kurt tweet to Wafi in a while. Things are on the up and up, right?
ACT III: This Means War
Wrong. LAWSUIT TIME! My favorite thing is that he makes sure to mention the ignored letters and emails. I honestly think that is more of an issue than the $35,000 Kurt lost.
Side note: Do people really pay 35 grand for a small app? Side note within the side note: Kurt still sends letter by mail?!
Imagine the judge who would have had to deal with this ridiculousness. The ex-WWF, now-TNA wrestler Kurt Angle is suing “WaBaSocial” for not making the official AngleFitness app.
I have the mental image of Kurt’s lawyer examining Wafi on the stand and Kurt shouting over him “You marked my emails as spam, you son of a bitch!”
Someone instigates and Kurt loses it. He gets personal with Wafi’s past app shortcomings. Despite his crazy “style” of tweeting, he remembers to use a comma before adding loser, making sure the world knows Wafi Wahidi is a loser. And a Dirtb….
Act IV: Kurt Moonsaults off the Twitter Cage
Apologies for the view of these screenshots compared to the prior ones but these tweets have been deleted by Kurt and this is the only proof that still exists.
Wafi goes after Kurt’s family. No confirmation or denial these are the same family members that hacked Kurt’s twitter to insult Randy Orton a few years ago.
Kurt asks the twitter world to hate tweet Wahidi about this. Not sure if this was meant for fans or Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin.
Kurt Angle cares. Only the good get punished.
Kurt’s sentence structure is more dangerous than the aforementioned titled steel cage moonsaults. I love the exclamation mark in “Wow!” showing the shock he felt upon the latest happenings.
Even better, at the end of the homophobic remark, Angle places a period suggesting the sentence ends. The next sentence simply stating “And my wife is a whore” is the Kurt Angle charm that at one point scored Rhaka Khan.
Act V: Peace and Amazeballs
Kurt using the word “Amazeballs” is the closest thing to reaching a clear state of mind for him. I truly believe he’s done and over it.
Kurt thanks the Twitter troops for helping him get through this tough time and is closer to reaching an agreement with Wahidi.
Long live Kurt and Wafi <3
BONUS FUN WITH KURT:
I once asked Kurt the question everyone wanted to know: Who is better – Amazing Red or Goldberg?
Kurt replied by ROH-shaming me. I still don’t know who is better!