Wrestling companies make merchandise. It’s usually pretty bad, but sometimes, it’s terrible. Welcome to The Merch Table.
Every so often, @TomBlargh will look at some of the awful merch that someone expects you to buy. Up this week: SUPLEX CITY, BITCH.
RedBubble has 60 different “Suplex City, Bitch” t-shirts. Yes, really. I’m now going to look at every single one of the bastards because fuck you and fuck me. LET’S GET STARTED.
Okay, Brock’s mad old face in the background, great. Cool. Lovely stuff.
The text underneath says “break necks, kill egos”. I don’t know why.
He is quite literally performing a suplex onto a city there! How about that?!?
The exclamation mark really drives it home.
Lazy as fuck.
HAHA, LIKE HIS OTHER SHIRT VERY NICE, VERY CLEVER
You can also get this one as a hoodie, exclamation mark and all.
Our first road sign design! Will it be the last? No, no it will not.
There’s still 50 more of these fucking things.
Fuck you if you “designed” this.
A suplex in silhouette, okay. Good. Tremendous.
Looks more like an election slogan.
Why is this ripping off the Jack Daniel’s design? Was it created by some kind of parody t-shirt designing robot?
There’s that election design again, but this time… for the ladies.
Nice work on using a fancy florid font that no-one can fucking read, dickhead.
Like a videogame! Cool!
Like a football team! Cool!
This is really not very good. 39 left, by the way.
At least it’s something different, even if “something different” is a creepy cartoon baby Brock.
That’s not a German suplex, but I guess Suplex City doesn’t discriminate! BITCH!
Brock Lesnar is wearing sunglasses!
Yes, yes, like the videogame, I get it.
I’m so fucking tired.
This is just the same design as before, only on a different colour shirt! THIS IS CHEATING!
This might be my favourite of the lot.
Your mum made this one. Yeah, I said it.
It’s a shitty pun but I’ll take what I can get at this point. HALFWAY THROUGH, THANK CHRIST.
Why is it “North”?
A big fuck you to the designer of this one. Up yours, pal.
I don’t know how much more of this I can take.
Great, another Supelx City road sign, fantastically original stuff. Who is buying these?
The words “Suplex City” are starting to lose all meaning to me.
Pop – ME??! How rude!
Never let anyone tell you that you can’t be a t-shirt designer, this is proof that DREAMS CAN COME TRUE.
One for the kids and the Chikara fans.
Not sure what’s up with his face on this design, not sure that I care.
20 left. We’re in the home stretch.
There’s a lot going on here. Is it meant to be a Looney Tunes homage? I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore. EDIT: Apparently it’s a parody of the WWE Slam City logo. Okay.
Some real talent at play with those fade effects.
FUCK OFF WITH THIS, I’VE SEEN IT ALREADY.
I SAID FUCK OFF.
FOR FUCK’S SAKE.
I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung
No wine untasted
But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
As they turn your dream to shame
– @TomBlargh WILL return with another new Merch Table at some point in the future. Until then, be sure to tweet him @TomBlargh or e-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org with any terrible merch scoops. Want more Merch Table? You can check out our archive of past Merch Tables here.