Our controversial opinion sharer Nightlife has returned with The Blast Zone! Don’t expect any punches to be pulled as he fearlessly puts the world of wrestling on BLAST!
Hey guys it’s me, Nightlife (@AnimeKing420). Welcome back to another fantastic, HARD-HITTING edition of THE BLAST ZONE!!! However, I must start this edition with some UNFORTUNATE NEWS!!!
It would appear that SOME PEOPLE (I’M NOT NAMING NAMES, JOEY) have a GRUDGE against THE BLAST ZONE!!! And not JUST Paul “Hunter” Levesque, or Vincent Kennedy McMahon Jr. I’m talking about CERTAIN EDITORS OF A CERTAIN WEBSITE THIS ARTICLE IS POSTED ON!!! Certain “Jack-Asses” think they can just CRITIQUE my articles on “grammatical” grounds. I AM AN ENGLISH MAJOR!!! I KNOW HOW TO FUCKING WRITE!!!!! FUCK OFF, TROLLS!!!
With that out of the way, it’s time to get right into it, right into another sizzling, scintillating episode of THE BLAST ZONE.
But first, something has recently come up that I must bring to your attention.
IF YOU ARE USING ADBLOCK, DISABLE IT IMMEDIATELY!!!!! I DEPEND on THE BLAST ZONE for money that extends past the allowance Mom gives me (which has been DRASTICALLY CUT in recent years!!!) and WITHOUT AD-GENERATED REVENUE, I cannot purchase a subscription to the Wrestling Observer Newsletter. If I can’t do that, I CANNOT PARROT DAVE MELTZER’S OPINIONS FOR THIS ARTICLE. AdBlock is STEALING!!!!! Not only are you stealing from ME, but you are stealing from Reebok, Church’s Chicken, K-Mart, Global Force Wrestling, and all other corporations who are brave enough to sponsor me, despite the considerably large TARGET ON MY BACK due to my anti-WWE articles!
All right, with that out of the way, it’s time to get on with it, the reason why you’re all here.
But before I do that, I have to remind everyone about something that is of the utmost importance to the future of this series.
MY KICKSTARTER IS ONE WEEK FROM ENDING AND I AM STILL $1,999,700 AWAY FROM MY $2 MILLION GOAL!!! If I do NOT get this money to make THE BLAST ZONE: The Motion Picture, then I CANNOT GUARANTEE THE FUTURE OF THIS ARTICLE SERIES. I am asking, no, COMMANDING you all, DONATE ALL THE MONEY YOU CAN!!! I believe that VINCE has been “Suppressing” my Kickstarter campaign, as revenge for when I called him out in an earlier installment of this very article. SIGNAL BOOST!!! Spread the word on “Social Media” and make my Kickstarter a success so I can take 4 years to make a 20-minute YouTube video with no updates during the production process. Don’t do something you’ll regret later, like WILLINGLY ALLOWING THE BLAST ZONE TO DIE.
Okay, now it’s time to…oh, right, one more thing, perhaps the most important piece of information I must tell you all.
STOP ASKING ME WHEN THE NEXT EDITION OF THE BLAST ZONE IS COMING OUT!!!!! I do NOT have a set schedule, and I am NOT required to give you ungrateful peons ANY sort of regular update! So FUCK OFF with your “Stupid Questions” or I WILL CANCEL THE BLAST ZONE FOR GOOD!!!!! I am SICK of people emailing me, tweeting me, sending me DMs on Pinterest, asking when the next edition of THE BLAST ZONE is coming out. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
That does it for this week’s edition of THE BLAST ZONE, thanks for reading! Tune in next time, but DO NOT ASK when the next installment is coming, I WILL BLOCK YOU!!!!!
Disagree with anything Nightlife had to say? The BlastZone welcomes retorts. Send them to email@example.com and we’ll have a good fashioned debate IN The Blast Zone. Follow Nightlife on Twitter: @AnimeKing420