• The Big Dog Bites Back: Legends of Wrestling, June 7th, 2015

    My name is Tom and I am The Big Dog.

    I attended the Legends of Wrestling show at Citifield baseball stadium in Queens, New York on Sunday – I live-tweeted some of the highlights from @TomBlargh, before writing the following report for “Big” Dave Meltzer’s Wrestling Observer. Unfortunately, Melty chose not to publish it so the Observer’s loss is Wrestling On Earth’s gain!

    BTW

    Attendance: A couple thousand or so, probably? Matt Striker announced it as 8,000 at one point, though that was definitely a lie. Long lines for all the autograph signings and hot dogs and that. Lots of kids, lots of guys walking around with replica belts on their shoulders.

    Pre-show: There were a few matches. One of them had Pete Gas! Pete’s looking healthy. There was another one that was a tag match before being turned into a battle royal for no reason, and to the apparent surprise of all the wrestlers.

    Matt Striker and Ashley Massaro came out to do commentary, which is piped-in over the intercom. Matt Striker was as dreadful as you’d expect, Ashley was mostly silent.

    Match 1: Two Lads vs. Another Two Lads

    Can’t remember any of their names tbh. One was a big fat old guy with gross bleached blonde hair, a bit like how Raven used to have it. John Cena Sr. is managing one team so they pipe-in “let’s go Cena / Cena sucks” chants. There are a LOT of piped-in chants over the course of the evening, it’s pretty amazing. Greg “The Hammer” Valentine is managing the other team and my goodness but he has lovely silky hair.

    WINNER: Greg Valentine’s mates.
    Star Rating: ****

    Valentine puts one of the other lads in a figure four after the match. It takes a while, but he kind of gets there in the end! Almost!

    Match 2: Tyrus vs. Brian Myers

    Brian Myers is dressed up in Mets-themed gear and came out with one of the team’s mascots. Despite this shameless pandering, he doesn’t get much of a response. When Tyrus comes out, they play piped-in “Funkosaurus” chants. Nobody joins in, but they still use it as justification for old Tyrus getting on the mic and saying “funk you” to the crowd. Sensational banter, classic heel heat.

    WINNER: Curt Hawkins
    Star Rating: ****1/4

    After the match, Tyrus picked up Ashley and carried her to the back. No explanation why.

    Match 3: “Hacksaw” James Duggan vs. Robbie E.

    Everyone loves old Hacksaw and he seemed to be having a grand old time. There was some debate between myself and @JoeySplashwater over whether he’d take his t-shirt off to wrestle but: he did not.

    WINNER: Hacksaw Jim Duggan
    Star Rating: ****1/2

    Match 4: Tommy Dreamer vs. Wes Brisco

    Wes Brisco comes out to “Bad to the Bone” for some reason. He has leg tattoos now that look absolutely fucking dreadful:

    wes-brisco-leg-tattoos

    BREAKING WES BRISCO TATTOO UPATE:

    If that’s the case, he should always wear long pants, they’re bloody awful.

    Thomas Dreamer came out wearing a Mets jersey and looked like someone’s dad, though he is someone’s dad so I guess that’s fair enough.

    At one point, Dreamer gives Brisco an RKO, which he kicks out of. Heavy shot at Randy Orton. Brisco gets finished with a DDT though, so hopefully that’ll make Steve Austin happy.

    WINNER: Tommy Dreamer
    Star Rating: ****

    Ric Flair comes out to talk about New York fans being the best in the world and all that nonsense, only for Mr. Anderson and Mike Knox to come out as the Aces & Eights. In 2015.

    They get in his face about something but it doesn’t take long for old Ric to get sick and tired of their bullshit, so he gets his pals The Nasty Boys out to take care of these sick trolls.

    Match 5: Aces & Eights vs. The Nasty Boys

    Brian Knobbs is barely mobile. At one point, he was down and I genuinely wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to get up by himself. Joey was concerned that he was going to throw up, he didn’t look well at all. It’s a hardcore match, so there’s pans and garbage cans all over the place.

    More piped-in chants of “holy shit”, “this is awesome” and “Nasty! Nasty! Nasty!”. No-one in the crowd joins in for any of them.

    Half-way through, Luke Gallows and Wes Brisco run-in for a SUPER ACES & EIGHTS REUNION!!!!, but two old men in Demolition face-paint run down to help The Nasty Boys, who ultimately win. The four old men proceed to celebrate to the sweet sounds of “Walk This Way” by Aerosmith and Run DMC.

    WINNER: The Nasty Boys
    Star Rating: ****1/2

    INTERMISSION: They have trivia contests during intermission. Questions are put on the big screen and they all feature at least one misspelling:

    flair-trivia

    The prize for every trivia contestant is a signed Brian Knobbs 8×10, though the last winner proceeds to eat his as soon as he’s given it. This show is a fever dream.

    Match 6: Luke Gallows vs. Matt Sydal

    Tyrus has joined Striker on commentary and he’s approx. 100 times better than Striker in every way. The camera follows Luke from the back for his entrance, though it’s slightly spoiled by a clear shot of Sydal standing casually in the background as his opponent strolls by. He scurries out of the way when he notices the camera, but it’s too late, Matt mate – you killed kayfabe, it’s dead.

    WINNER: Matt Sydal
    Star Rating: ****3/4

    Match 7: Rob Van Dam vs. Scott Steiner

    Scott Steiner’s music plays for a full minute before he comes out. He’s joined by Luke Gallows for some reason. Busy old night for Gallows, this is the third match he’s been part of. Steiner has a massive back tattoo now!

    scott-steiner-back-tattoo

    They give Steiner a live mic (!!!) and he proceeds to call Hulk Hogan a little bitch (!!!!!!!) for not accepting his million dollar challenge. Scott Steiner is the greatest professional wrestler alive today. RVD comes out, and takes the time to introduce Bret Hart to the crowd. Not sure why. I think Bret also makes a jab against Hogan but he’s too old and mumbly to hear properly.

    The match ends up going to the outside, where Scott Steiner slaps a fan, what a guy. Back in the ring, and Gallows tries to toss Steiner a chair, though he throws it too far so it goes over his head and out of the other side of the ring. Everything turns into a mess until RVD hits a Van Daminator on Scott and gets the win.

    Winner: Rob Van Dam
    Star Rating: *****

    After the match, Steiner and Gallows put the boots to old Rob, only for “Da Man” Bill Goldberg to run down, spear Steiner, jackhammer Gallows and save the day. “I’m BACK” he announces, and so ends a fantastic evening of professional wrestling.

    FINAL THOUGHTS: Two thumbs way up, numerous MOTY candidates. It’s a crime that Scott Steiner isn’t on television.