Hello. This is the naming of The Sexy Wrestler of The Week. Enjoy.
…And we are back. Another groovy week down and a whole lifetime full of sexy wrestlers to go. The votes were counted by me with extreme care. I decided to make a week out of it. I had to make a week out of it because there were so many votes. Holy moly! I kept a log of my Vote Count Vacation. It changed me. Let’s jump in.
Day One: I decided on the trip. Where would I go to relax and count votes? There was only one real answer. A log cabin in the dense forests of Michigan. I made my reservations and packed only the bare essentials. From this point on I would be living without any conveniences.
Day Two: I woke up and jumped on the airplane to Michigan. As I landed I breathed in the toxic fumes of trees and wildlife. “Oh, there’s The Great Lake,” is something I would have said to you had you been there with me but you weren’t because you probably couldn’t handle it. I had a taxi take me to MichiCabin, the really cool name the owner, Dale, had named this cabin. It’s “Michigan” and “cabin” put together. I think the official term for that is “word-sex” but Dale called it something way worse! What a character. This cabin fucking sucked.
Day Three: As I woke up from a horrid night of sleep I thought about going fishing but I hate the outdoors so much. It’s so hot and nasty. There are bugs and you always have to be on the look out for deviants and trolls. No thanks! So I got out of the bed and that’s the last thing I remember.
Day Four: I wake up in a stupor. Dale is sitting next to my bed. “Someone forgot to plug in overnight,” he said. You see, I’m a robot and I had forgotten to charge my batteries. It was really embarrassing but at least Dale was there to walk into the cabin I had rented from him to check on me. I decided I had been through enough and that tomorrow I would call it quits and go home early. First though, I must count these darn votes from the beautiful rays of sunshine I call The Sexy Wrestler of The Week Community!
Day Five: I did not get around to counting the votes from the night before and would not have time on this day either because I’m traveling home. I had to take a bus because Dale ended up being a deviant and stole my return flight tickets out of the cubbie hole he had labeled “important belongings” in the cabin. Tomorrow though.
Day Six: I wake up and my wild hippie friend Derek is knocking on my door. It’s been years and he needed a place to stay, so of course I let him have my couch. After I got done helping him move my old couch down to the empty alleyway behind Capiche Cove (a local bar known for it’s stupid ass name) he told me to get some rest. He was going to take me on a “spirit quest” the next day. This interested me because I’ve never had a spirit before. I’m a robot and my Christian beliefs dictate that I can’t get to Heaven without a soul which is probably the same as a spirit, right?
Day Seven: [REDACTED]
…So yeah, people of the world. It was a wild ride but here we are. I saw all of the votes flash before my eyes and it was rad. It was like a vortex or something. You ever seen one of those? Anyway, so… here it is.
When I saw who won I had this appear in the night sky. It was life changing and reaffirmed all I didn’t know in the world, okay? It was totally rad. So yeah, The Sexy Wrestler of The Week is Cesaro. Good job, dudes and dudettes. Keep on voting. Capiche?