Sexy Wrestler of The Week

Something bad happened to me so let’s name The Sexy Wrestler of The Week right now. Oh god.

Okay. I will not be able to count your votes because they are all at home on my desk and I’m in THE 70’s! Or at least I think I am. Let me tell you about my day.

It hasn’t been good. I picked up a rusty knife that was sitting outside of my window and was instantly transported to this weird place. I vomited everywhere and I am not about to change into these ridiculous clothes everyone is wearing. It smells like a damned skunk everywhere I go and if someone is wearing a suit it looks like it is two sizes too big for them. Same as it ever was? I think not.

It doesn’t seem like the 70’s I have read about in modern magazines mainly because the sky is pure white, Ford and Nixon are BOTH presidents, and there are TWO oil crises going on. Also, there are ghosts of people that are still alive? This sucks. I can’t even watch animated films because all they have is hand-drawn bullshit. My eyes aren’t made out of cavemen, sorry. Where the fuck is Pixar?!

I don’t know if I will ever get back but I will be able to communicate because they have wi-fi here at this Wendy’s. All I know is that this is definitely The 70’s because the date on this newspaper clearly says “The 70’s” and a lot of faces you’ve seen floating around on VH1 are here but all they do is point and say “I love this.”

I can’t count your votes this week so I am declaring Bruno Sammartino The Sexy Wrestler of The Week because I am a true wrestling fan and only keep pictures of him on my laptop (which is now wood panelled) at all times. Hopefully I can get back to the real world where I can actually open beer cans without hurting myself.