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News for the Week of October 7, 2013
WWE
Sheamus has been off TV for the last month with an injury. No fans nor personnel in management have noticed this.
Vince McMahon and The Ultimate Warrior had a private meeting and many say it was about being inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. We talked to Vince McMahon’s janitor who was cleaning the bathroom in the same room as the meeting and can confirm McMahon had invited The Ultimate Warrior just to get him to paint his face for a rave he was attending later that night.
Hulk Hogan has been telling people close to him that he would like to return to WWE for a match against John Cena. He says he would like the match to take a stand against illegal immigration and have him return as Mr. America to take on Cena’s one time alter ego Juan Cena.
In response to social media employees informing WWE about the #WheresDrew moment in hopes of a Drew McIntyre push, management have sarcastically replied with “#WhosDrew?” The joke has been made at least 7 times at catering today.
Having successfully performed the giant swing on The Great Khali at last night’s pay-per-view, reports are coming in that Antonio Cesaro will perform the move on more enormous, immobile objects as a featured part of every show going forward. Future targets will be the production truck, a dumpster full of unsold Zack Ryder merchandise and Miz’s completely unwarranted sense of self-worth.
TNA
Garrett Bischoff has launched his own clothing brand, and it’s exactly what you’d expect from the man once hailed by Hulk Hogan as ‘the future of the business, brother’.
Looking for his next big idea, Eric Bischoff has suggested paying a country music star large sums of money to cover AJ Styles‘ “Get Ready To Fly” theme song. Referencing Goldberg‘s successful Megadeth theme song that added to his career and was very memorable, Bischoff has all but convinced Dixie to shell out the big bucks.
Other
Ring of Honor have hired Nate Glass to take down piracy. Mr. Glass has been forming complaints to Twitter to have those sharing links to ROH’s TV show get their page deleted. Since then, ROH’s TV show viewers have gone down from 100 to 17. That’s not percents. It’s an actual total number.
Representatives from a certain indie company were delighted to see the WWE experience technical difficulties during last night’s show, with their opinion being that the five minutes of downtime during Battleground completely justifying their years of total iPPV failure. An unnamed source was quoted as saying: “See? Even they can’t get it right, it’s super hard! Now get off our backs. #FindROH #WatchROH.”
Lance Storm recently took Twitter users who complain about predictability in wrestling to task using strong language such as “idiots” and saying they should sit back and enjoy the show. Storm then boycotted his @ replies due to his hecklers not getting revenge fast enough and being too short to play the villain in his Twitter action film.
