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News for The Week of August 18, 2014
- Sources say Kevin Dunn is petitioning for Brock Lesnar’s first title defense to be a literal handicap match against Bo Dallas and Adam Rose, which will only end once the former NXT superstars have been legitimately crippled.
- Jack Swagger is so worried that Vince McMahon will forget about him now that his feud with Rusev is over that he has been following important WWE management personnel around and doing his awkward push-ups in front of them to show off.
- Ryback airbrushes all of his own singlets. Last week a WWE crew was sent to his home to film him going through the process but has decided not to air it because they found out he really just puts the paint in his mouth and spews it out onto the attire randomly.
- TNA’s move to Wednesday nights is being looked at by Dixie Carter as a positive. She has told numerous people that she loves that camel that says “Hump Day” and thinks he would be a huge ratings boost if they could use him in their commercials. If they can’t get him she says she thinks she can teach one of her horses to say it.
- Bully Ray has announced he will be leaving TNA, leading to the rest of the roster being instructed to increase the casual homophobia and misogyny in their promos to make up for his absence. Mr. Anderson is reportedly thrilled at this new opportunity.
- Abyss is being pitched to replace Bully Ray in the planned Wolves vs. Hardys vs. Team 3D TLC match because “he was going to fall off ladders and go through tables anyway.”
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- Global Force Wrestling has announced that they have a cross-promotional deal set with Wrestling Retribution Project. It should be noted that Jeff Jarrett also said he’s working on bringing back All Wheels Wrestling.
- With both Alberto Del Rio and Rey Mysterio set to join AAA, look for WWE to bring back Juan Cena in order to retain their Latino viewership.
- Lance Storm lies about being an astronaut to skip lines and get free grilled cheese sandwiches.