Many sites have a match of the week but ours is a little different. These matches are the ones that are fun to watch… in the non-traditional way.
This week, we’ve chosen Booker T vs Jeff Jarrett in a San Francisco 49ers Match on the December 2, 2000 edition of WCW Nitro for the WCW Championship. Members of the site @TimWelcomed, @typicalROHfan and @TomBlackett give their (lack of) expertise on the action.
The first and only San Francisco 49ers Match features the brilliant Vince Russo brainchild of 4 boxes being hung above each corner of the ring. One holds the WCW title and you must open that box and pick up the title. The other boxes may not have held the WCW title but they held many fond memories and moments.
Part 1: The classic begins
Booker T and Jarrett are in the ring as four cheaply made wooden boxes hang in every corner. The lady who received Booker T’s shirt makes an early argument for who the MVP of this match is by acting like a straight up wild woman towards Jeff Jarrett.
The bell rings and this historic match is underway. To prove how unscripted and real this and every match in WCW is, one of the wooden boxes falls to the ground before the two-minute mark. What does this box contain? Is it the one with the World Heavyweight Championship? Is there a python in there? Maybe it’s the book “Lying, Congressional Style” so the recipient can add one point (two points if they already have the Comprehension Perk) to their Speech Skill? No one knows right now as both men continue to battle it out.
Jarrett goes to the box finally and smashes it open. It’s a blow-up doll and its legs are goofy as hell.
The fans hoot and holler at this. This match is wild and shows no signs of slowing down.
The elderly Booker T t-shirt recipient getting in Jeff Jarrett’s grill is among the history of great fans hating Jeff Jarrett. It culminated in fans slapping him with straps at TNA vs. Samoa Joe; a classic you surely remember.
This was a vintage Vince Russo brainchild. It’s kind of like the past generation’s Feast Or Fired. I love that the first box is a blow-up doll. Because nothing sums up poor 2000 comedy as well as blow-up dolls. The doll took more bumps than most of the WCW main event roster.
“How do you prepare for something like this?” asks the commentary team, and man, that’s a good question. The appearance by a stunt granny to get in Jarrett’s face justifies my purchase of the ‘Wrestling Secrets Revealed’ VHS. Is it me or is Double J looking a little huskier than usual? Not in a bad way, mind. Maybe he knew he had to beef up for a main event run in the Dubya-Cee-Dubya. It’s an upper body business, brother.
Every single time the boxes shake, I freak out with excitement, and it isn’t long until my dreams come true and a box falls down by itself. What’s inside? It’s a blow-up sex doll, of course! The match has to take a break as the entire crowd passes out from laughter.
Part 2: The classic occurs
Booger T (Haha, get it? Because of snot? I’ll quit) gains control of the match and eventually gets to another box. It is a framed picture of Scott Hall. I personally think this means he won but the rules dictate that I am wrong. He breaks it over Jarrett’s head.
They battle on the outside. Jeff Jarrett gets pile-driven (pile-drove?) (pile-droven?) (pile-drived.) on top of the announce table. Booker T gets the third box open to find a coal miner’s glove. Jarrett steals it and gains control through the power of Work-Specific Handwear.
The final box has to contain the title. Strange how that worked out, ‘ey? The ref is counting as they both lay on the ground. I guess this match can end that way.
One of my favorite moments in WCW history – the Scott Hall photo. Just think…. people are paying good money on KickStarter and IndieGogo for these gifts in 2013 and Booker just broke it on Jeff Jarrett’s head. Utter disrespect and quite wasteful.
“It’s not about pinfalls, it’s not about submissions, it’s not about endurance, it’s about finding the right box.” THIS IS WRESTLING #FINDWCW! They should have put a t-shirt out with ‘WCW: It’s about finding the right box.’ on it. The second box gets BUSTED WIDE OPEN, and it’s a picture of Scott Hall, and The Vince Russo Era officially peaks.
Soon enough, the third box gets opened by Booker T and it’s a coal miner’s glove – Vinny Ru with a big shout out to all the Wrestlecrap fans.
Part 3: The classic becomes a classic
They get up. We get a lot of that really boring wrestling crap for awhile until Jarrett makes his way to the final box.
Beetlejuice from Howard Stern fame appears and low-blows Jarrett because why the hell not? The grand moment of Booker T winning the belt is kind of ruined by the belt falling to the ground.
None of this really matters as Scott Steiner runs out and shows who the real champion is by attacking Booker T and then putting that Beetlejuice character in the Steiner Recliner. Justice is served by the hands of The Big Bad Booty Daddy. I rate this match Twelve Heart Emojis out of a possible Thirteen Heart Emojis.
How do we end something as amazing as a San Francisco 49ers Match? With Beetlejuice of the Howard Stern show punching Jeff Jarrett’s body parts that hurt most when punched.
More amazing than that? Booker opens the final box with the WCW Title but it DROPS! Ring announcer David Penzer picks it up and hands it to Booker T. Based off the rules (LOL) of this match, David Penzer should be the REAL WCW Champion but somehow Booker is awarded the belt.
Most amazing? Scott Steiner runs out because of this disgusting injustice and destroys both Booker T and Beetlejuice. The show ends with Beetlejuice in the Steiner Recliner. God bless us everyone.
WRESTLE WRESTLE WRESTLE WRESTLE A WHOLE BUNCH OF WRESTLE HAPPENS. They should have had at least ten more boxes to open, it’s impossible to care about regular wrestling after so much box-based fun. oHnestly, if you want me to keep it EXTREMELY real, then I’ll admit to skipping the rest of the match until the end, when a midget apparently named Beetlejuice who is apparently from The Howard Stern Show shows up apparently dressed as Superman. Apparently.
Beetlejuice pales in comparison to the magnificence of a rampaging Scott Steiner though, who bursts onto the scene to throw that poor midget around and put him in the Steiner Recleiner. Who won the title? I don’t know and I don’t care. All that matters is that boxes were opened and Scott Steiner = ratings.