• Wrestling With Food

    Wrestling With Food: Big Beefy Meatballs a la Hardcore Holly

    The WWF Cookbook is a treasure trove of crazy recipes from the Attitude Era, each of which is purportedly the creation of one of the wrestlers. In Wrestling With Food, Sydney is on a mission to try cooking all of them to see if any are actually edible.

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    Ah, yes. One of the three BALLS recipes in this cookbook (NOTE FROM TOM: Find out what the other two were in my Merch Table about the WWF Cookbook! DO IT NOW).I liked this one the best because there was a lot of alliteration in the title: Hardcore Holly’s Big Beefy Meatballs. Also, given it’s an Attitude Era Cookbook, it’s also just a little crass, which is always enjoyable.

    Before I begin, let me just highlight the quote that I’m assuming is supposed to represent JR’s comments on the recipe:

    “Hardcore Holly eats every two to three hours! That means he sets his alarm and wakes up to eat. Hardcore is very serious about his food, and he prepares this recipe when he’s looking for plenty of protein. He says cayenne pepper is good for your heart, too. Hardcore is as physically tough a competitor as any in the Federation, and these meatballs are primo!”

    The general excitement is great, as is the realistic claim that Hardcore Holly is waking up at least once or twice in the middle of the night to snack on some balls.

    Let’s get it going!

    The ingredients:

    ingredients

    2 pounds ground sirloin.

    1 onion, diced.

    1 cup soft breadcrumbs.

    2 eggs.

    1 cup tomato sauce.

    ¼ soy sauce.

    ½ to 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper to taste.

    Garlic salt to taste.

    Salt to taste.

    Freshly ground pepper to taste.

    Please note: I halved the recipe. The full list of ingredients is supposed to give you 24 meatballs. When I halved it, I somehow ended up with 18, and they were larger than 1-inch. The WWE math is once again, amazing. Continue reading

    Wrestling With Food: Chocolate Chip Cookies a la The Rock

    The WWF Cookbook is a treasure trove of crazy recipes from the Attitude Era, each of which is purportedly the creation of one of the wrestlers. In Wrestling With Food, Sydney is on a mission to try cooking all of them to see if any are actually edible.

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    This week, I’m making The Rock’s Favorite Chocolate Chip Cookies. OH BOY. So, I was excited to make these because the word of mouth (well, Reddit, and Twitter) was pretty spectacular. Folks were really talking up these cookies! Will they live up to expectations? Let’s find out together!

    The ingredients:

    cookies-ingredients

    1 cup (2 sticks) butter, at room temperature.

    1 cup granulated sugar.

    1 cup brown sugar.

    2 eggs.

    1 teaspoon vanilla.

    2 cups flour.

    2 ½ cups quick oatmeal, blended to a fine powder in a food processor or blender.

    ½ teaspoon salt.

    1 teaspoon baking powder.

    1 teaspoon baking soda.

    12 oz. chocolate chips.

    ½ 8 oz Hershey bar, grated.

    1 ½ cups chopped nuts (walnuts, pecans, or mixture).

    Continue reading

    Wrestling With Food: Turkey and Spinach Tetrazzini a la Undertaker

    The WWF Cookbook is a treasure trove of crazy recipes from the Attitude Era, each of which is purportedly the creation of one of the wrestlers. In Wrestling With Food, Sydney is on a mission to try cooking all of them to see if any are actually edible.

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    This week, I’m making Undertaker’s Turkey and Spinach Tetrazzini. So, this cookbook was published during the weird time where the Undertaker was a biker, and his entrance music was Kid Rock. Now, my memory is hazy of this time, but was there ever a reasonable transition between you know, Undertaker Classic to Biker Undertaker? Or did he one day toss off the leather hat, hop on a bike, and that’s how it all happened?

    Anyway, a tetrazzini is a hilarious choice for the Undertaker, given it’s just good old comfort food, and that’s about the last thing I can picture him eating (or making). Kudos to whomever pulled this selection. In his comments on the recipe, JR says Undertaker’s “lady” makes this for him all the time, and he loves it. I guess it would have been less exciting to call it Undertaker’s Girlfriend’s Turkey and Spinach Tetrazzini, but goddamn it, I just want to trust the WWE. I expect transparency from those McMahons.

    (NOTE FROM TOM: JR mentions that the Undertaker’s “lady” makes him this to keep him happy, implying that bad things happen when he’s unhappy, so add subtle allusions to domestic violence to the WWF Cookbook’s many crimes against humanity.)

    But let’s move on.

    The ingredients:

    ingredients

    8 oz. spaghetti, broken into 4-inch lengths.

    Salt to taste.

    1 dead turkey (cut 3 cups bite-size pieces of cooked turkey from the carcass).

    2 9-oz. packages frozen creamed spinach, thawed.

    1 cup part-skim ricotta cheese.

    1/2 cup oil-packed sun-dried tomatoes, drained and chopped.

    2 large cloves garlic, minced.

    10 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese.

    Pepper to taste. Continue reading

    Wrestling With Food: Sexual Chocolate Cake a la Mark Henry

    The WWF Cookbook is a treasure trove of crazy recipes from the Attitude Era, each of which is purportedly the creation of one of the wrestlers. In Wrestling With Food, Sydney is on a mission to try cooking all of them to see if any are actually edible.

    This is VERY exciting.  It’s like Julie & Julia, by way of the WWE. So, each week, I’ll be testing one recipe from ‘Can You Take the Heat?  The WWF is Cooking!’ (as covered in The Merch Table). I’ve thumbed through it before and marveled at the options – Grand Master Sexay’s Sweet Potato Casserole and Road Dogg’s Fried Green Tomatoes, for instance – picturing these lovable scamps slaving away over a hot stove making dishes for the weekly potlucks hosted at Steve Blackman’s house (this has to be a real thing, don’t tell me it’s not.)

    Recently, I already planned to make a beef stew, so I needed something for dessert.  When I saw this handsome individual:

    mark-henry

    I knew I wanted to test out Mark Henry’s “Sexual Chocolate” Cake.

    The ingredients:

    1 package devil’s food cake.

    1 (12 oz) can Eagle Brand sweetened condensed milk.

    1 (8 oz) jar caramel ice cream topping.

    1 (8 oz) carton Cool Whip.

    3 Skor or Heath candy bars, crumbled. Continue reading