We swear this PPV is happening on Sunday. This is not a weird prank.

Giving their thoughts and predictions on what to expect from the PPV are members of the site @JoeySplashwater, @TimWelcomed and @TomBlargh.

Samoa Joe vs. Low Ki vs. Kaz Hayashi for the X Division Championship

Joey:

This is probably the only match I’d look forward to if I watch the show, which I’m not even sure if I will or not. Joe and Low Ki had a really good match at a live TV taping I went to and I have fond memories of Kaz Hayashi.

Interest Level: 7/10
Prediction: Samoa Joe wins.

Tim:

This match should be entertaining and it looks really good on paper, especially when written next to the rest of the card. Probably the only reason to see this show. I used to enjoy Kaz Hayashi while Joe and Low Ki can definitely deliver the goods.

Interest Level: 6/10
Prediction: Samoa Joe wins.

Tom:

FINALLY. Everyone knows I am the Internet’s foremost authority on puroresu and, after over a year of having to talk about PG PUSSY BULLSHIT BABY WRESTLING, I finally get to to discuss a show that honours the ‘King of Sports’. TNA’s taking it to the next level with this show and I’m so happy to be alive to witness it.

Samoa Joe and Low Ki are both gaijins but they are about as close as you can get to being a Japanese worker without actually being Japanese. Kaz Hayashi is a flawless human being. THIS WILL BE INCREDIBLE!

Interest Level: 10/10
Prediction: Kaz Hayashi wins.

The Great Muta and Tajiri vs. The Great Sanada and James Storm

Joey:

I’d be interested in this if TNA didn’t take away a lot of fun that was Sanada. James Storm is whack these days.

Interest Level: 4/10
Prediction: Muta and Tajiri wins.

Tim:

I can not begin to give one bit of my attention to James Storm. The Great Muta is always nice to see but I don’t expect anything interesting from him. Sanada doesn’t get me excited the way he used to. TNA has a way of doing that to characters. Tajiri will be is okay, I guess. I used to love him but I don’t really care here.

Interest Level: 2/10
Prediction: The Great Sanada and James Storm win.

Tom:

Tajiri was corrupted from his years of working in the West but I now consider him a puro master. Sanada is an incredible young talent who shows a LOT of fighting spirit (CRUCIAL!)

I keep having to re-read The Great Muta’s name because I can’t believe he’s on this show. He is a legend of Japanese wrestling and I will be in tears by the end of this bout (NOT ASHAMED).

Interest Level: 9/10 (had to knock one off for that disgusting alcoholic, James Storm)
Prediction: The Great Muta and Tajiri win.

Team 3D vs. Abyss and Tommy Dreamer

Joey:

Interest Level: 0/10
Prediction: Team 3D wins.

Tim:

Again, the underlying theme here is that I don’t care. I really am trying. I promise. This match sounds horrendous.

Interest Level: 0/10
Prediction: Abyss and Tommy Dreamer win.

Tom:

NOT ONE JAPANESE WORKER AMONG THESE IDIOTS. THIS IS BULLSHIT. THIS SHOULD NOT BE ON THIS SHOW. I AM DISGUSTED.

Interest Level: -10/10
Prediction: FUCK OFF

Ethan Carter III vs. Ryota Hama

Joey:

Ethan Carter vs. a sumo wrestler.

Interest Level: 0/10
Prediction: EC3 wins.

Tim:

Interest Level: 0/10
Prediction: Ryota Hama wins.

Tom:

Okay, back on track. A lot of people ask me who Ryota Hanma is, to which I say “do NOT talk to me again, if you aren’t aware of Hanma then we are no longer friends, PLEASE DELETE ALL MY CONTACT INFORMATION “. Yes, I have lost many pals due to my overwhelming love for puro but that is a choice I have made and I am proud of it.

Interest Level: 10/10
Prediction: Ryota Hama wins.

MVP vs. Kazma Sakamoto

Joey:

MVP vs. the Japanese dude who used to follow around Lord Tensai in WWE. Remember Lord Tensai?

Interest Level: 0/10
Prediction: Sakamoto wins.

Tim:

Interest Level: 0/10
Prediction: MVP wins.

Tom:

MVP is a gaijin BUT he did VERY well in Japan and he also showed great puro respect to me by RT’ing this tweet:

I am still in tears at that show of respect. Also, much like MVP, Sakamoto was disrespected by The Fed so I am excited to see them stick one straight up Vince’s pooper by putting on a strong style CLINIC.

Interest Level: 10/10
Prediction: Kazma Sakamoto wins.

Manik vs. Minoru Tanaka

Joey:

Manik will preach to Japan about the problems that come with this misandry epidemic we’re dealing with.

Interest Level: 1/10
Prediction: Minoru Tanaka wins.

Tim:

Manik comes to the ring wearing his new shirt.

I wake up, look to see which match is on, and then decide to go back to sleep.

Interest Level: 0/10
Prediction: Manik wins.

Tom:

Misandry is SOCIETY’S GREATEST THREAT, you IDIOTS. If you disagree with me, I will call the police (this is a shoot).

Interest Level: 10/10
Prediction: Minoru Tanaka wins.

Havok vs. Velvet Sky for the Knockouts Championship

Joey:

Velvet Sky is wrestling a match in Japan before Michael Elgin. Suck it.

Interest Level: 0/10
Prediction: Havok wins.

Tim:

Havok has been underwhelming. She seems kind of corny instead of threatening. I know she’s capable of pretty good things but that has not shown through in her TNA work. It could be just another case of the very aura of TNA sucking the life out of anything and everything that exists in its space. Also, Velvet Sky is just not good.

Interest Level: 0/10
Prediction: Havok wins.

Tom:

FUCK THIS! FUCK THIS! FUCK THIS! HOW DARE THEY HAVE SUCH A DISGUSTING MATCH WHEN THERE IS SO MUCH JOSHI TALENT IN JAPAN WHO COULD DO A MILLION TIMES BETTER!

Interest Level: UGH/10
Prediction: VOMITING

Team 3D enters the TNA Hall of Fame

Joey:

WHO CARES

Interest Level: 0/10
Prediction: Bubba curses and Devon flexes a lot.

Tim:

The TNA Hall of Fame is more relevant than Manik’s opinions but that’s still not saying much.

Interest Level: 0/10
Prediction: It’s a way to waste time.

Tom:

This is an insult to Japan. I genuinely hope that Team 3D are thrown in jail by the honourable Japanese authorities for swearing or being otherwise obnoxious so that this doesn’t happen.

Interest Level: -10/10
Prediction: I am crying (frustrated, angry tears).

Andy Wu and El Hijo del Pantera vs. Novus (Jiro Kuroshio and Yusuke Kodama)

Joey:

I don’t know any of these people but Strong Style boy Tom DEMANDED we add this to the preview even though I intentionally left it out. I just want to stop writing about this show!

Interest Level: 0/10
Prediction: I miss TNA when Hernandez would throw people around.

Tim:

Tom is out of control.

Interest Level: 0/10
Prediction: Novus wins because they have a team name.

Tom:

Four incredible talents who have respectfully made their way up through the ranks as ‘young boys’ (puro term, look it up) and are finally ready to EXPLODE into the big time.

Interest Level: 10/10
Prediction: Novus (Jiro Kuroshio and Yusuke Kodama) win.