• Author Archives: Road Warrior Hawke

    Wrestling Is Bullshit: Six Reasons Why Joey Styles’ Joke Was Fucking Awful

    Much like the majority of other non-shitty human beings who happen to be wrestling fans, I read the joke Joey Styles made at Evolve 72 and thought, “What an asshole. Why is he paid to be on wrestling shows?”

    A ton of wrestling fans expressed their disatisfaction for Joey’s character’s sexual harassment that came in the form of a sexual assault joke. A lot of vocal fans expressed their desire to see him fired. Gabe Sapolsky, not exactly the booker you go to for a history of presently women remotely well throughout his career, fired Joey after the show.

    Naturally, this caused a backlash from wrestling fans stuck in the stone age (ie: the 90s). I even set out to make a list of the dumbest tweets defending Joey Styles because I’m irritated at the moment due to our current President-Elect, and I figured such an activity would probably make me feel better. I made the list. I sent it off to Jonas Wakefield for editing and posting to Wrestling On Earth.

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    Wrestling Is Bullshit: Trevor Lee Playing the Homophobic Heel

    One of the most embarrassing things about being a wrestling fan (which is saying something) is having to experience the casual sexism, homophobia, transphobia, racism, and all sorts of other insidious ideas that still permeate throughout the art.  However, it has been nice to see that wrestling is ever-so slightly becoming less overtly awful in regards to social issues.

    The filth of hatred has not fully washed away by a longshot though, and the art is still covered in it. Occasionally, you will even still experience a popular wrestler actually using slurs that are designed to abuse and degrade people who are not white, heterosexual, cisgender men. Two times in the past year stick out in particular for me.

    The first cited example can be seen above and is the latest example that I am aware of existing. Trevor Lee was making his entrance for the (#VeryOk) main event of the (#VeryOk) WrestleCon Supershow. A fan starts yelling at him, and Trevor The Irish Wrestling Fan ends up calling him a “faggot.” Continue reading

    Brad Ward’s Podcast Adventures: WasimCast (8/13/2015)

    Our friend and favorite wrestling superfan Brad Ward has dipped his toe into the world of podcasting and TJ Hawke is here to recap the astonishing results. Take it away, TJ!

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    Brad Ward, noted Cesaro cosplayer, is one of the premiere content providers on Twitter Dot Com. However, anyone with good sense knows that you must diversify your brand in order to stay streets ahead or you risk becoming a jabroni mark.

    If you’re a jabroni mark, your banter suffers. When your banter suffers, your numbers go down. When your numbers go down, your brand is left in tatters. You might as well just jump off a bridge or sign a contract with TNA at that point.

    Brad has wisely decided to jump into the Wrestling Podcast Game as it looks like it’s going to stick around for a while. What follows is a rundown of Brad Ward giving this WasimCast gimmick the rub by appearing on their pitiful podcast.

    Highlights from Brad’s appearance on the WasimCast

    0:00 – 20:55

    Brad Ward does not appear on the podcast during this period. No reason to listen to it.

    20:55 – 23:00

    Brad Ward graces the podcast with his presence finally, and it immediately leads to a delightful anecdote of Yoshi Tatsu burying Chikara. The magic of Brad Ward.

    23:00 – 24:15

    Brad Ward buries Dalton Castle and explains how he pays for TNA ONO PPVs.

    24:25 – 25:30

    Brad Ward tries to talk about a “bra & panties” MMA fed.

    25:30 – 26:00

    Brad Ward buries Chikara Blu-Rays. Continue reading

    Pro Wrestling NOAHtry: TJ Tries Again

    Pro Wrestling NOAH was once a proud wrestling promotion in Japan. They never really recovered though after the in-ring death of Mitsuharu Misawa though and have been in a decline ever since. They are now being run by the red-hot NJPW, and the Suzuki-gun stable from NJPW has been doing a hostile-takeover of the product.

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    With all that said, it’s time to drum up some excitement for NOAH. What better way to do that than with poetry, by legendary artist, TJ Hawke.

    Note from Tom: Heya, I’m back. Once again, Ilyass is the only true legendary artist round these parts. Regardless of all that though, TJ tried another poem. Frankly, it’s no better than the first. I understand it’s important to be supportive but we really should draw a line at some point, you know? Anyway, sorry about this.

    The next match looked at is Zack Sabre Jr. vs. Katsuhiko Nakajima

    Sabre Junior loves the beer.
    Doesn’t mind when women leer.

    Nakajima kicks him in the head.
    But he’s boring like The Walking Dead.

    Booing Zack is strange behavior.
    He should be NOAH’s savior.

    Nakajima was the winner.
    The booker, Jado, is a sinner.

    Match had no flipping, back rakes.
    That’s why it’s only three flakes.

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    Pro Wrestling NOAHtry: TJ’s First Attempt

    Pro Wrestling NOAH was once a proud wrestling promotion in Japan. They never really recovered though after the in-ring death of Mitsuharu Misawa though and have been in a decline ever since. They are now being run by the red-hot NJPW, and the Suzuki-gun stable from NJPW has been doing a hostile-takeover of the product.

    prowrestlingNOAH2

    With all that said, it’s time to drum up some excitement for NOAH. What better way to do that than with poetry, by legendary artist, TJ Hawke.

    Note from Tom: Hi gang, it’s The Big Dog here. First things first – TJ wrote that introduction himself and he is NOT a legendary artist, so I had to amend it out of respect for the only true legendary artist: Ilyass.

    Anyway, his poem isn’t very good but he a) tried his best and b) takes a shot at Taz, so I guess it’s not completely without merit.

    The first entry concerns Minoru Suzuki defending the GHC Heavyweight Championship against Yoshihiro Takayama.

    GHC title match was fabs.
    MiSu sort of has abs.

    Taz whines about stolen towels.
    MiSu makes lions lose bowels.

    Takayama is old as fuck.
    Suzuki-gun runs amok.

    Don’t miss Suzuki-gun a ton.
    Hope they’re sent to the sun.

    MiSu causes many scars.
    Match is 3 and 1/2 stars.

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    The Devil’s #1 Wrestling Detective Agency: Are AIW and AAW the Same Thing??? – Episode 3

    Previously, on The Devil’s #1 Wrestling Detective Agency

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    Wow, what a miraculous journey this has been! We’ve revolutionized the mini-series genre to the point that WOE is considering turning us into an anthology series! It is just so wunderbar.

    Unfortunately, our show’s administrative costs have gotten out of control. As such, you may not see The Devil’s #1 Wrestling Detective Agency unless you paypal me lots of money straight away. Just paypal me money, and you will almost definitely get more seasons of the show.

     

     

     

    Hour 3(+):

    “AIW – Gauntlet for the Gold 2015″

    Hour #3 kicks off with Josh Alexander (accompanied by Veda Scott) defending his Absolute Championship against Dick Justice. This was such an interesting styles clash, as Alexander wrestles like a late-2000s indie wrestler that takes himself too seriously, whereas Justice looks and works mostly like a parody of 1980s WWF wrestling. While Justice looked poor at times in the mechanics of pro wrestling, he took his beating well. This was essentially a slightly extended, slightly competitive squash match that Alexander (obviously) won. This would not work as a main event of a show, but it is fine when you have a Royal Rumble-style match on top. A fine effort that accomplished what it needed to. (***) (PS: The AIW fans lived down to their reputation in regards to their taunts at Veda Scott. Trash.) (PS #2: @TomBlargh is The Big Dog.)

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    The Devil’s #1 Wrestling Detective Agency: Are AIW and AAW the Same Thing??? – Episode 2

    Previously, on The Devil’s #1 Wrestling Detective Agency

    kanewoe
    After the series premiere drew big #numbers and unearthed some breathtaking information on whether or not AIW and AAW are different, Wrestling On Earth upped the budget of episode 2.

    Unfortunately, our show’s administrative costs have coincidentally skyrocketed in the past week. As such, you may not see any difference in production quality, but rest assured that the scholars producing this programming are compensated much better now.
     

    Hour 2:

    “AIW – Gauntlet for the Gold 2015″

    We’re starting off with a four-way between Davey Vega (good) vs. Chris Sabin (good) vs. Candice LeRae (good) vs. Louis Lyndon (good) for Vega’s Intense Championship. The match did not have great flow or energy, the crowd did not respond to it much, and it went on way too long. There were some amusing moments here and there though. Sabin really is a natural heel, and his facials were the best part of the match to me. I expected a lot more from this one. In retrospect, they should have just done two singles matches. (*3/4)

    Raymond Rowe vs. Johnny Gargano was next. Rowe is someone I hear a lot of good things about, and Gargano used to be one of my favorites (seems like he hasn’t had an above-average match in forever). They did a babyface vs. babyface match that was presumably designed to get Rowe over a bit more. Rowe then used the bell after a ref bump. So, I’m not sure why a babyface vs. babyface formula was worked the rest of the time. It felt like I was missing something. The match finished with a movez-trading sequence that at least kept in tone with the majority of the match. Rowe won with his presumed finisher. I never really got into this one, and I’m not sure what it accomplished. I couldn’t help but wonder how much better this match would be if Rowe just destroyed Gargano until the latter made a spirited comeback at the end. (**1/4)

    Rickey Shane Page vs. 2 Cold Scorpio was the final match of hour two. I’m in the bag for RSP (too nice of a guy to dislike!), but he’s undoubtedly a good talent. Despite being in the worst match of 2013 (against John Morrison), most reports indicate that Scorpio can still really go. This was all a long way of saying that I am really looking forward to this one. It took a while to really get going, but they managed to keep me engaged throughout (the match ending with a moonsault double stomp from a 49-year-old was a great “exclamation point finish”). The match never got as wild as I was hoping, and the crowd was only slightly less tepid than they’ve been for the rest of the show so far. There’s no doubt the match worked though, and it made me interested in seeing 2 Cold in more places.  (***1/4)

    “AAW – Art of War 2015″

    Hour two started with a TLC match between Zero Gravity and The Hooligans. I never got into this. It’s a tough gimmick to work because we’ve seen all the most dangerous spots and/or have seen similar stunts performed on far bigger stages before. As such, I really need to be invested in the story of why a match like this is happening or the action needs to be exciting/innovative. This did not really accomplish either of those goals (the former didn’t stand much of a chance though out of context to be fair). I can definitely see it being a match that AAW fans would enjoy more than I did though.

    There was a Dick Justice video. I’m guessing some villain caused him to be blind recently, as this turned into an eighties montage about him living with blindness. It was all a misunderstanding though, as he only couldn’t see because he forgot to take off his eye bandages. I found this to be amusing. I’m all-in on Dick Justice.

    Ethan Page vs. Jimmy Jacobs was next. The match was a mild brawl that lacked in intensity. Page controlled the majority of the match but had to use a low blow to win the match. This seemed like a middle chapter match in a larger feud. It did not make me interested in see future chapters. (**)

    Eddie Kingston cut a promo on Davey. This was not on the level of his Chikara stuff, but he at least quoted Omar Little at the end. He then transitioned to a promo on Silas. That seems to telegraph the result of the title defense against Davey.

    Justice Jones vs. Paco Gonzalez was next (and it basically finished hour two of the show). It seemed to be a rematch, and I’m guessing Jones won the first match based on the size difference and the fact that he has a posse (Knight Wagner and Angelus Layne). This was genuinely my second favorite match of the night so far. I’m not sure if either guy will become something bigger one day, but they worked the smartest match that I’ve seen throughout the course of this investigation. Paco showed great fire out of the gate to immediately grab everyone’s attention, and they never strayed too far from the (always reliable) big guy/little guy dynamic. (***) Annoyingly, the commentators (whom I normally really like) spent thirty seconds (of this compact match) talking about Layne’s rear end.  Layne is on screen once for a short match, and that’s basically the only thing said about her. That just does not appeal to me as a fan. I would hope the company/commentators would reconsider doing anything like that in the future.

    Thoughts After Hour #2

    Despite both shows having some ups and downs in hour number two, I appreciated how different the approaches were to some of the matches (even if the matches were not entirely successful). The four singles matches that I saw felt unique in one form or another. The highlight of this whole “hour number two” experience was undoubtedly the Dick Justice music video. Justice is a character that manages to walk right up to the line of grating, but he always manages avoiding crossing over into it. That takes legitimate skill.

    Conclusions after Hour #2: Despite oddly similar show structures (both shows in this hour featured two singles matches and a clusterfuck), I found that the companies managed to distinguish themselves a bit from each other in how they presented the singles matches. Let’s hope the series finale of this epic, once-in-a-lifetime mini-series reveals results that lead to similar conclusions…

    The Devil’s #1 Wrestling Detective Agency: Are AIW and AAW the Same Thing??? – Episode 1

    kanewoeOkay, so I’ve heard some buzz about a certain midwest indie that cannot seem to break into the ROH/PWG/Chikara/Gabe category of “major indies.”

    Over the course of a few months, I’ve casually gathered some information about this company. The official roster page includes talent such as Colt Cabana, Dick Justice, Eddie Kingston, Marion Fontaine, Johnny Gargano, Gregory Iron, Jimmy Jacobs, Heidi Lovelace, Louis Lyndon, Ethan Page, Chris Sabin, & Alex Shelley. On the surface, the company seems to be very into putting on intergender matches, and you get the sense their fondness for doing ECW-like things is less ironic than is desirable. This company’s name is Absolute Int…oh, wait, it’s AAW…wait…it’s definitely called…Hold on, folks. I will get back to you with the name of the company after this brief commercial break.

    Wow, I’ve got breaking news. Apparently, I’ve been very confused for years. The paragraph above allegedly fits the descriptions for two *different* companies! They’re called AAW and AIW. I’ve called around to a few friends, and it seems like they didn’t know they were two different companies either! This just won’t do. I need to perform an all-out investigation into the matter.

    Goal: To determine, once and for all, if AAW and AIW are truly two different companies.

    Method: Watch an (alleged!) AIW show and an (alleged!) AAW show. I’ll switch back and forth between the two every hour. After each hour, I’ll share my thoughts with you, the concerned citizens.

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    Art Is Wrestling: TJ Hawke

    Not to be mistaken for the similarly titled Mike Quackenbush promotion or Colt Cabana podcast, Art is Wrestling trawls the Internet to showcase some of the best wrestling art we can find.

    I consider myself something of an artiste. All around the world, I am well-known for my glorious contributions to exhibits, galleries, and museums. I’ve given lectures in the finest halls of the most prestigious institutions. In case it is not clear, I am a VERY big deal.

    As such, it’s high time I give something back to you…the people. My portfolio has been sent to many famous graphic design companies in the world, and now you all get to see it.

    “Buying An Unknown Product: King of Trios 2014”

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    Occasionally, an artiste such as myself, is commissioned to produce a piece of art like in the days of yore. JP Nichols, an international patron, gave me an idea of what he wanted, and I then produced the magic seen above.

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    Wrestling Is Awkward

    Welcome to the first edition of a new irregular (let’s say once every three months!) feature on Wrestling On Earth.

    Wrestling Is Awkward will be something of a light-hearted yet cold reminder that professional wrestling and social media are not a perfect match. Wrestlers, promoters, bookers, writers, fans (myself included as anyone who has or does follow me can tell you) can make a real ass of themselves. The Powers That Be and I decided it’s high time we all reflect back on some of the more hilarious and strange moments.

    “You won’t believe what this person said before they joined WWE/TNA!”

    Occasionally, a person involved in independent wrestling will feel comfortable enough with their station in life to bury WWE or TNA for one thing or another (both companies generally suck, to be fair). That’s not the awkward part though. That comes when said person later begins to work for WWE or TNA and then has to promote that company all the time.

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    (Update: Despite Lasagna apparently bringing a “wrestling show” mindset to the company, TNA is usually still quite bad!)

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