Welcome to this week’s edition of Four on Four. As always, we’ve chosen four of the most entertaining and intelligent wrestling fans on Twitter and decided to peer into their minds four questions at a time. Now let’s meet the panel:
Miss_Dani_Baby: She hates ketchup and might be considered a college graduate.
Follow her on Twitter.
SniperWolfVA: Also known as The Butter Bandit, he lives off of only raisins and butter.
Follow him on Twitter.
Fucktronics: He likes to get German Suplexed onto beds and has nice scarfs.
Follow him on Twitter.
JeremyExiled: He plays the guitar. He does not play the trombone. Once shaved off a guy’s eyebrow.
Follow him on Twitter.
1. WWE has the Inferno match, where the ring is surrounded by fire. If you could book a match with the same general gimmick, who would be in the match and what would surround the ring?
I’m going to go with The Miz vs. Zack Ryder with the ring surrounded by faeces. Hell, maybe a ring surrounded by flaming paper bags of feces! Not only would it be fitting of both their gimmicks, but I would genuinely enjoy watching the match hoping that one or both would roll in the shit.
Ghosts. Undertaker vs. Bray Wyatt in an Inghosto Match. Every time someone hits the mat a ghost of a dead wrestler will appear on the apron and be able to attack them if they get close. If the ghost of Benoit comes out, after the 63rd slam, it automatically wins the match and can challenge for the belt at Halloween Havoc 2015.
It would be Layla El vs. Me and the ring would be surrounded by my penis and fried chicken. Don’t even try to tell me that that isn’t exactly what all of you would have said. I think that no matter who wins, I would totally win forever for life always and so I’d never have to have another match or day of living or not living. Time would stop and just kinda go away like Chikara (RIP (FOR NOW (CHIKARA FOR LIFE))) and I wouldn’t even give a half of a roller coaster about it. Thank you, have a blessed day. Goodnight.
First off, let me say this. If something is surrounding a ring and it isn’t Shetland Ponies, we’ve already been lead so astray that I doubt we can make our collective ways back to salvation. That being said, give me Randy Savage vs. Jim “Das Anvil” Neidhart in a Shetland Pony-jack match. The set-up is that Savage is looking to sell the ponies to Neidhart, but a fight has broken out due to payment disagreements. Winner cooks the po…just kidding. Both winner and loser ride the ponies into the crowd – fade to black.
2. What is your favorite feud of all time?
This may be premature, but I have high fucking hopes for the Daniel Bryan vs. The Corporation 2.0. The storyline has a lot of promise and has already proven to be a an emotional rollercoaster. You have this small town boy fighting against the system and that rings true for a lot of people, so I feel really invested in this storyline. I am actually looking forward to Raw instead of dreading it.
This feud has really sparked something in wrestling fans that I have not felt since the Attitude Era. It’s been mentioned before, and I agree, that this storyline is reminiscent of Stone Cold vs. Mr. McMahon – which may have been the greatest feud of all time (but, I wouldn’t say it’s my favorite).
Regal vs. Jericho Suit War 2009. May the finer cut of cloth be ever in your favor.
My favorite feud of all time is Jerry Lynn vs. Rob Van Dam from the original ECW. The pair worked together like a well-oiled pair of biscuit-flavored dice, each roll flakier than the last. I ordered every single ECW PPV at the time by selling candy at school, selling special edition Marvel cards and comic books and selling my body to this lady “Edna” that lived on my street.
I was in the minority at the time of people who did not like the drugged up, spot monkeying, dick toucher named RVD and plus I always enjoyed a dude in WCW named Jerry Flynn because he was such a useless piece of shit and mullet, so when Jerry Lynn came along and was sexcellence all over the place, I was stupefied like a Super Smash Brother. I feel like Lynn helped RVD step up his game although many people would argue in favor of the opposite. Whatever the case may be, suck my jungle, this is my opinion, not yours.
Other honorable mentions include: Sabu vs. Tazz, BDK vs. Chikara, Eddie Kingston vs. Chris Hero (the legit heat made their matches frightening), Austin Aries vs. Jimmy Jacobs, the Undertaker vs. Hulk Hogan and Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin transitioning into the Hart Foundation vs. America.
My favorite feud of all time. A part of me wants to say Jack Evans vs. The World. But in all seriousness, the answer to this question, for me, changes from day to day; mood to mood, even. A feud that is jumping out to me that had me glued to cable TV was the Beer Money v. MCMG best-of-5 series that TNA had a few years back.
But, if we’re talking singles strictly, Sting v. Hogan in WCW, just because I wanted to see Hogan lose every time I saw him in a ring, and who better to lose to than some guy who hangs out with a vulture in a ceiling?
3. You are in charge of casting a remake of The Wizard of Oz. Which wrestlers do you hire to play Dorothy, Toto, Cowardly Lion, Tin Man, Scarecrow , and The Wicked Witch?
Dorothy – Natalya. Toto – Cameron, that bitch. Cowardly Lion – Naked Finlay, yes he has to be naked (google it if you’ve never heard of this). Tin Man – The [not so] Great Khali. Scarecrow – Rich Swann. Wicked Witch – Kevin Steen. I have no reasons for my choices, but I stand by them 100%.
Dorothy is no doubt AJ Lee. Yellow Brick Road skipping ALL DAY! Toto would be Koko B. Ware’s bird Frankie in a dog mask. Daniel Bryan already has the glorious Lion’s mane. Tin Man would be Cody Rhodes trying to prove that all tin can be superior to all Gold. Scarecrow is Percy Watson. Because…. OH YEAH! Nattie would be The Wicked Witch melting everybody with ill submissions.
The Wizard of Oz? Is this some sort of quirky reimagining of The Wiz? I’ll buy your pizza, crazy kids. Dorothy would be Scarlett Bordeaux because she is the sexy delicious marinara sauce all over my delicious sexy spaghetti. Toto would be the HIV Slapper, Rick Steiner. He already has a dog face so why not make him a damn dog? The Cowardly Lion would be Chris Jericho back in his WCW days (yes, I can time travel, holla at Archibald Peck for the hook up) with the bitchy hair and whiny ass shenanigans. He’d totally be The Cowardly Lionheart, fight me about it in the backrow of a movie theater showing Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2.
The Tin Man would be Shockwave the Robot because DDUUUUUUUUUHHHHH. The Scarecrow would absolutely have to be The Great Khali because fuck that guy. My Wicked Witch would be Sara Del Rey because I’d love to see her looking all deloicious (*daps Jean Ralphio*) and villainesstressyaryinismical! Fuck your Wizard of Oz cast.
This question! Anyway, my Dorothy *Rue McClanahan voice* would probably be AJ Lee. She could pull it off. Toto would be Big Show, just to be like “Hey! That’s a huge Toto!” Cowardly Lion is definitely Akira Tozawa, because nothing is better than being terrified of someone who’s first name is “Cowardly”.
Tin Man, I’m thinking Ted DiBiase Jr. because that guy deserves something to actually do. Scarecrow? Ric Flair. Because nobody sells like Scarecrow. And because his insides are falling out, too. The Wicked Witch is maybe obvious? I’d go with Tara, because of the weird spider fetish and that she now has a reason to be a total witch.
4. What would be the name of your reality show be if you had one centered around you?
“Scrollin'” it would be centered around me perusing my Twitter timeline and Tumblr dashboard in various scenarios while silently laughing to myself. It would get canceled after it’s third episode, but gain a huge cult following and get renewed and revamped for Netflix.
Don’t Be A Menace To South Virginia While Sipping Your Drank In The Danger Room When You Should Be Scoping Titties Like A True Oroku Saki Playing PS3 On Weekends With Fantas And Pizza Slices Hoping Chicken Jesus Will Bless You With The Juciest Seasoned Pieces But I Do It All For My Loved Ones Though: The Live Action Animated Series Of Reality And Mostly Facts
If I had a reality show centered around me, it’d be called “Total Divas”. It’d center around me and all my foul ass tutes doing awesome stuff like breaking up and getting back together and shopping and me finding more tutes when the OG tutes are not around and making out with them and their tute friends and scrapbooking.
Every episode would feature me eating popcorn, hash browns and tacos in precarious positions like on top of the Eiffel Tower or at the bottom of the Eiffel Tower or in a restaurant with a theme of “breakfast for dinner at lunchtime but on fire” and I’d consort with my fellow Donkey Gang constituents to ask them about tutes and flavors of tutes and things to put inside or around tutes. Maybe my show should be Total Tutes. Nah, Total Divas has a better ring to it. I like tutes and so does your girlfriend. Bye, Jesus robot.
My reality show would never see the light of day. It’d be a mixture of Louie, Comedy Bang Bang, and Check It Out! And there’s just far too much charisma here for anyone in power to produce.
It’d be called Capt… NO… “Admiral Charisma and the Antics”. Also, Cops re-runs run too rampant to show about 45% of my life and not get sued. But if the Cops guys are cool with it, hit me up Ron Howard! Only Ron Howard, though. If it ain’t Opie, then I ain’t open… to do a show. Yeah. Thanks!