• Monthly Archives: December 2014

    Top 10 Tweets of December 2014

    Each month, I’ll pick out my personal favorite tweets and share it with you fine folks. Keep in mind this is 100% subjective and only features tweets on my timeline.

    Here were the past posts:

    10. Dave Meltzer pulls a hilarious rib on someone

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    ScoopZone Elite: December 29, 2014

    We’ve consulted our inside sources to bring you the best and most EXCLUSIVE dirt on your favorite wrestling promotions from around the world. Unlike other sites, we’ll only bring you 100% accurate and truthful wrestling news every week. We’re still working on our paywall, so please only read these stories if you’re an elite member.

    [WELCOME ELITE MEMBERS. THANK YOU FOR THE SUBSCRIPTION!]

    News for The Week of December 29th, 2014

    WWE

    • A leaked memo revealed that JBL and Kane are prohibited from being around each other backstage due to the heated and offensive political debates that erupt between the two.

     

    • The locker room is said to be livid about Brock Lesnar allegedly going back to UFC after Wrestlemania except Seth Rollins who desperately wants to stop lugging around that ridiculous gold briefcase.

     

    • The Miz has been acting noticeably strange according to one of our sources. Many believe that this is from him constantly being paranoid about WWE finally splitting him and Sandow up.

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    All Aboard the S.S. Strong Style: Wrestle Kingdom 9

    Shelly Deathlock cares too much about Japanese wrestling and, as Captain of the S.S. Strong Style, she’s here to welcome you on board and fill you in on what’s going on in the world of puro.

    Even though Tom Blargh is the resident puro expert on Wrestling On Earth — no, on the WHOLE INTERNET — he’s letting me take the reins and break down the card for New Japan’s Wrestle Kingdom 9 in a way we can all relate to.

    wk9

    Wrestle Kingdom 9 is New Japan Pro Wrestling’s 2015 Tokyo Dome show. The show has been annual for more than 9 years, but ever since they started calling it Wrestle Kingdom and numbering it, we’re up to 9. It’s always on January 4th, and it is always a good time.

    This year you can watch it on NJPW’s amazing streaming service NJPWWorld (for ¥999/month with no commitment, yes, seriously), or through Global Force Wrestling’s distribution of it on PPV. GFW’s broadcast will have Jim Ross and Matt Striker ringside in Tokyo providing English commentary, saying everyone’s name wrong, and being really, really excited.

    Here are the ten matches on the main card. Links go to wrestler profiles on http://www.cagematch.net for your convenience (and because I swiped the match listings from there, man, that site is almost as good as Wrestling On Earth).

    IWGP Junior Heavyweight Tag Team Championship Four Way Match

    Screen Shot 2014-12-27 at 16.22.06

    The players: reDRagon (Bobby Fish & Kyle O’Reilly) (c) vs. Forever Hooligans (Alex Koslov & Rocky Romero) vs. Time Splitters (Alex Shelley & KUSHIDA) vs. Young Bucks (Matt Jackson & Nick Jackson)

    A funny thing: At Wrestle Kingdom 8, the Time Splitters came out in a Delorean.

    An important thing: At Wrestle Kingdom 8, the Time Splitters came out in a Delorean.

    Have these guys ever beaten Shinsuke Nakamura one-on-one? No. But the Forever Hooligans are part of his stable, CHAOS, so that makes them the best, I guess, according to Nakamura-math.

    Kaomoji excitement level rating for this match: (((\(@v@)/))) Continue reading

    WWE for Beginners: A Live Show Prep Sheet

    For some reason, my brother-in-law decided that going to the WWE house show tomorrow would be a good time. He’s going to find out how wrong he was.

    Of the eight people going, only myself and my wife watch wrestling with any sort of regularity, so I was asked to create a prep sheet to let everyone know:

    a) Who all the wrestlers are;

    b) What their deal is;

    c) If they’re actually nice people or not (since they’re smart enough to know that wrestlers are often kinda awful and they’d rather not cheer for anyone who’s a big old jerk in real life).

    I’ve had to condense things down and make a few assumptions, but here’s my prep sheet for everyone that’s been announced for the show.

    John Cena

    cena-8-19-raw

    Basically the modern day Hulk Hogan. Beloved by kids, big strong guy, never gives up. Wears colourful shirts. Occassionally raps and tells bad jokes.

    Is he a nice guy?

    I mean, he does a lot of Make-A-Wish stuff, though I think he might not be the coolest guy in town to hang out with. Comes across as a bad boyfriend to fellow wrestler Nikki Bella in the 100% truthful reality show ‘Total Divas’.

    Seth Rollins

    RAW_1102_Photo_237

    Two-tone hair. Dresses like ’90s Batman. Very good at being an obnoxious jerk. Stamps on people’s heads. Has a gold briefcase.

    Is he a nice guy?

    Likely to be lovely for reals.

    Randy Orton

    orton_cape_attacked_guilty

    Oily dude. Dumb sleeve tattoos. His dad was ‘Cowboy’ Bob Orton. Responsible for that ‘RKO outta nowhere’ viral nonsense you might have seen.

    Is he a nice guy?

    Nicer than he used to be but that’s not saying much because he used to poop in ladies’ bags. Prone to temper tantrums. Still seems like a bit of a nasty piece of work. Continue reading

    Sexy Wrestler of The Week

    It’s a special night because it’s Sexy Wrestler of The Week night. Get with it.

    Welcome to a very special edition of Sexy Wrestler of The Week. Then again, isn’t that every edition? This is a very holiday themed version so I hope you enjoy. I filled it with love and cheer. So much cheer.

    Let me paint you a picture. You wake up at 5:00 AM. It smells of yule or what the hell ever that is. That can only mean one thing. It’s Christmas and you have presents waiting under the big green.

    You run down the stairs in glee but around the second step you fall and roll all of the way down, across the floor, and then straight through your glass door. You’re outside, cold, and bloody now but that doesn’t deter you.

    You reach your Christmas tree and there it sits. A present the size of a human. What could it be?! Probably a human. Why? You don’t know. You grab the card attached to it.

    “From: Wrestling On Earth”

    “Oh, wow.”

    “To: You Beautiful Being”

    You blush and continue reading.

    “The votes have been cou-”

    You throw the note into the fire. You know how that goes and you do not want to read it again, quite frankly. Then, with a loud crunch, the box explodes open. You faint.

    SWOTWAmbroseXMas

    Dean Ambrose is The Sexy Wrestler of The Week. You have a merry Christmas and never forget this incredible present bestowed upon you during this happy holiday of 2014. Wow.

    This Or That (12/24/2014)

    Everybody loves binary decisions, especially wrestling fans! In This Or That, we’ve forced ourselves to choose between two options that relate to wrestling.

    Over four questions, @TimWelcomed, @JoeySplashwater and @TomBlargh will have to choose one of two options and give their reasoning on each of their choices. You can then vote on which one you’d choose, giving you the false impression that you’re somehow involved and we care about your opinion chance to join the conversation!

    Before we start, here’s last week‘s results:

    Who do you love more?

    Sami Zayn – 69%, El Generico – 31%

    Would you trust a fruit basket from “the IWC?”

    No – 60%, Yes – 40%

    Better announcer?

    Joey Styles – 59%, Tony Schiavone – 41%

    Better Tom?

    Tom Hanks – 88%, Tom Cruise – 12%

    Better ’80s Christmas movie: A Christmas Story or Christmas Vacation?

    story-vacation-

    Tim:

    Probably my top two favorite Christmas movies. I am not much of a holiday person. I don’t get really excited for this time of year or anything but these two movies help me through it. I’m going to say that A Christmas Story is the better of the two. It’s how it has to be and I am fine with my decision so get off of my case, buster.

    While I love Christmas Vacation there’s just something about A Christmas Story’s mix of a classic Christmas movie vibe meeting the form of humor it brings. It’s non-stop laughs and with as fast as I grow tired of things, especially movies that get quoted too much, A Christmas Story has yet to get old to me. It’s just good stuff. I don’t think I could watch Christmas Vacation over and over again like I do with it’s competition here.

    …Also, Mr. Parker is one of the best character’s in a comedy ever and even makes a great character like Clark Griswold look bad.

    A Christmas Story

    Joey:

    Both are good but neither have that particular Christmas association in my heart like the Home Alone films or Jingle All The Way does. Partly due to age but if I had to pick one, it would be A Christmas Story. Overexposure of the 24 hour marathon every year helps but it’s always worth the watch at least once and feels like part of Christmas due to the routine. I have to be in a specific mood to enjoy Christmas Vacation and most years, it isn’t a part of my Christmas time viewings.

    A Christmas Story

    Tom:

    I am completely disgusted that Scrooged, The Santa Clause, Die Hard and Die Hard 2: Die Harder were not included as options in any of this week’s themed polls. Sure, there are a lot of good Christmas movies but EVEN SO, their exclusion feels like a heavy shot and I just don’t know if they deserve it.

    Moving on: IT’S THAT TIME! THAT SPECIAL TIME OF YEAR! HIP HIP HOORAY IT’S A CHRISTMAS VACATION! Christmas Vacation has one of the all-time great opening songs and, even though the film itself has become a template for pretty much every crappy Christmas movie from the past 25 years, it’s still GOOD STUFF and testament to the forgotten truth that Chevy Chase was once pretty funny.

    As for A Christmas Story, I can confirm that I’ve not seen it so whatever, back off.

    Christmas Vacation 

    Better '80s Christmas movie?

    • A Christmas Story (67%, 14 Votes)
    • Christmas Vacation (33%, 7 Votes)

    Total Voters: 21

    Loading ... Loading ...

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    ScoopZone Elite: December 23, 2014

    We’ve consulted our inside sources to bring you the best and most EXCLUSIVE dirt on your favorite wrestling promotions from around the world. Unlike other sites, we’ll only bring you 100% accurate and truthful wrestling news every week. We’re still working on our paywall, so please only read these stories if you’re an elite member.

    [WELCOME ELITE MEMBERS. THANK YOU FOR THE SUBSCRIPTION!]

    News for The Week of December 23, 2014

    WWE

    • Instead of traditional Christmas bonuses, WWE Superstars and Divas were given Roku boxes and vouchers for Roman Reigns and/or John Cena merchandise.

     

    • Sheamus doesn’t know what the fuck is going on with his facial hair.

     

    • There was a quite a scene caused at the recent WWE Christmas party over Santa hats that were handed out. Vince McMahon threw his drink all over an intern because his hat wasn’t “long enough” which led to every employee walking up and throwing their drinks on the same intern in support of McMahon.

    -Advertisement-
    ReignsCologne

     

    CM Punk

    • CM Punk is getting a tattoo of something weird and obscure as a Christmas gift to himself.

     

    • CM Punk has been hard at work trying to find a way to draw X’s on his MMA gloves without the ink smearing.

     

    • No word yet on what CM Punk‘s new yearly hairstyle will be as we get ready to enter 2015.


    -Sponsored Links-

    The Reason For The Season

    Other

    • Various 2nd tier independent wrestling promotions are trying to gain popularity by starting a “Boycott RAW” movement. WWE’s fans are responding by boycotting knowledge of this existing.

     

    • Destination America is working on announcing four more TNA shows to air on their network so they can have one TNA show for every day of the week.

     

    • Lance Storm licks candy canes and puts them back on the Christmas tree when it loses the taste.

     

    The Merch Table: Top 10 Worst Holiday Gifts for Wrestling Fans 2014

    Wrestling companies make merchandise. It’s usually pretty bad, but sometimes, it’s terrible. Welcome to The Merch Table.

    Every week, @TomBlargh will look at some of the awful merch that someone expects you to buy. Up this week: TOP 10 WORST HOLIDAY GIFTS FOR WRESTLING FANS 2014.

    With only one shopping day left until Christmas, now’s the perfect time to reveal our holiday gift guide! Except this is the opposite of that – these are the things you really shouldn’t get a wrestling fan, unless you actively dislike them (which is probably fair enough, given that most wrestling fans are creeps or jerks). As always, hover over the pics for BONUS GAGS (or don’t, it’s your life). LET’S GET STARTED.

    1) AJ Lee Ponytail Baseball Cap

    cap

    April Jeanette “Ape” Mendez-Lee-Punker-Brooks (shoot name) is an attractive young lady, but that really doesn’t translate too well to baseball cap form. This whole thing makes no sense to me, is it meant to be… cosplay? Is this what cosplay is? Let’s see if the description makes it any clearer:

    cap-desc

    “You can have hair just like the Divas!” No mate, that’s not what’ll happen when you wear this. That’s not what’ll happen at all.

    2) John Cena Nutcracker

    cena-cracker

    Jesus Christ. Let’s take a closer look:

    cena-cracker1

    ALRIGHT LET’S NOT TAKE A CLOSER LOOK, THAT’S REAL BAD STUFF.

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    Wrestling On Earth’s 2014 Year End Awards Extravaganza

    If a year ends and your wrestling site doesn’t deliver year-end awards, did the year really happen?

    2014 was a weird year for pro wrestling. Here we give out our hypothetical awards breaking down what was an eventful year to say the least. “Wrestler of the Year” is not included as we will have a big post for that coming before the end of the year.

    As always, @JoeySplashwater, @TimWelcomed, and @TomBlargh will hand out their awards.

    Best Promotion

    Joey:

    NJPW

    NJPW

    WWE was great for about 25% of the year before falling off track. TNA had another bad year. ROH had some highs and a really great first half to the year but were inconsistent after. PWG fell off a pedestal. Chikara = LOL.

    NJPW wins this one kind of by default and by becoming a relevant promotion in America. I didn’t watch all New Japan shows nor am I most connected but they gave me memorable matches, great moments and excitement. The G1 was some of the most fun I’ve had watching wrestling as I think back to watching random puro matches on train rides in the Summer.

    Also my main man who I like to pretend isn’t a Republican AJ Styles keeps saying NJPW is the only wrestling company to make money in 2014. I guess he isn’t aware of CHIKARA but I’m sure Allen Jones is talking about both promoters and wrestlers making money. New Japan wins.

    Tim:

    NXT

    Watching NXT grow throughout this year has been a blast. It’s had the most consistent and enjoyable special events of any promotion I’ve watched this year. The roster is one of the best around and only got better as 2014 progressed. The weekly TV show, while not perfect, usually delivered at least one or two fun or memorable moments per episode.

    2014 has been a bland year for wrestling. PWG lost it’s steam. ROH couldn’t keep me intrigued. TNA was a bore. The post-Wrestlemania main roster WWE product was excruciating to watch. Absolutely heartbreaking. Out of all of this two bright spots were always there: NJPW and NXT.

    NJPW has brought me some great shows and matches all year but there seemed to be something missing for me. A certain energy or atmosphere that I can’t really put a finger on. NXT kept me excited and optimistic about wrestling in a year where I actually questioned why I watch. NXT is full of talent that makes the most of it’s simple (but often satisfying) booking.

    Is it over-hyped by fans? Probably but I can’t let that annoyance move me away from thinking it’s the best part of pro wrestling in 2014. People just want to be excited about something.

    Tom:

    NXT

    Obviously, as the site’s number one puro fan, you’d expect me to choose New Japan but GUESS WHAT, I refuse to sully their name by mixing them in with all this gaijin American trash wrestling. So, instead, I’ve gone for the next best thing – NXT.

    Yes, it’s still part of WWE. No, I very rarely watched the weekly show. However, the few specials they’ve had have all been incredible and felt unlike almost anything else The Fed’s put out this year. Also, there hasn’t been much competition. TNA’s a non-entity, WWE’s been dreadful for most of the year, PWG’s been in a weird state and ROH has just been a bit lacking.

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    Sexy Wrestler of The Week

    The Sexy Wrestler of The Week is ready to be named. Can you handle it?

    Welcome to another extravagant edition of this incredible weekly content. You would not believe the amount of hits this award brings us every week. People are frothing at the mouth to find out who The Sexy Wrestler of The Week is. I think the secret to the sauce here is that your vote matters. Your voice is always heard and I find that awesome. Let’s do this.

    The votes have indeed been counted and The Sexy Wrestler of The Week is TJ Perk… wait a second.

    NotSWOTWTJP

    Wow. It was brought to my attention by myself through an e-mail to myself that he is not eligible because this week I’m only taking votes for female wrestlers. It’s only fair. More on why later.

    SWOTWAJLee

    AJ Lee is The Sexy Wrestler of The Week. She’s our first ever female winner and will not be the last. Congratulations to possibly the best Diva in WWE on winning wrestling’s most sought-after award.

    Why were only female wrestlers allowed to win this week? An intern I hired from Reddit was fired this morning after I found a huge stash of votes for female wrestlers in the trunk of his car along with a vacuum he stole from the Wrestling On Earth offices. Just by scanning these votes I could make the argument that AJ Lee would have been the winner every week since the beginning of this prestigious award’s life. We will not have anyone stand in the way of democracy and the pure importance of The Sexy Wrestler of The Week.